Down By the Bay
by Zaerith Vrinn
Summary: TFA: When Blitzwing's personality is stuck on Random, that can only mean one thing...those poor Decepticons... UPDATES THURSDAYS, now taking requests. Go nuts guys
1. In the Begining

**Author's note: **Ya' see this is why my sister and I should not be allowed Oreo's, Twislers, Capri Sun, milkshakes, Starbursts/Milkduds, Red Vines, AND a soda of our choice all, within ten hours of each other. Hopefully Blitzwing's accent is right…

**Warning: ** Blitzwing is stuck on Random, that's warning enough 'cause you _know _he's going to be singing.

**Disclaimer: ** I own neither the characters nor the songs…no…Just NO!...TT

Down By the Bay

The Decepticons were doomed…

During their last battle with the Autobots Blitzwing had been damaged. Or perhaps one of them had just hit him in the head too hard, whatever the cause, the effect was dire.

Blitzwing's dominate personality was stuck on Random.

Nobody had heard a word from Cold or Angry in days, and Blitzwing had quickly gotten on BlackArachnia's nerves. However, there was just no time to get him proper medical aid and she just had to live with him. As did everyone else.

"Look! Here she comes!" Blitzwing cried as BlackArachnia entered the counsel chambers. "Ze Itchy Bitchy Spida Crawled up ze vater spout!"

"Shut up Blitzwing!" BlackArachnia paused for a moment noticing the echo. Apparently, she was no longer the only one sick of him; both Starscream and even Lugnut (who had the most tolerance for Random's personality) had joined her in her shout.

Blitzwing cocked his head in confusion "Zou dun like singing?" He asked "Zou just need to find ze right song!" He declared and started a round of 'Mississippi Squirrel'

"Blitzwing!" The trio cried over him, when he didn't listen, Starscream and Lugnut turned to BlackArachnia and explained how the triple-changer had started singer 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star' and 'I am Ironman' when they had come in.

"Dun like zat von either?" Blitzwing asked his answer was a unanimous NO, "Vell I'm SURE you all know zis von!"

"Blitzwing stop!" They groaned.

"Puuuuuut zour left foot in! Put zour left foot out! Put zour left foot in and shake it all about! You do ze Hookie Pookie and you turn zourself avound! Zat's vhat its all about!" He sang and clapped

"BLITZWING!"

"Puff ze Maaagic Draaagon, liiives by ze sea!" He started again louder and more off key, trying to make himself heard over everyone.

"Aughh!" Arachnia groaned rubbing her temples as if she had developed a headache, considering her half organic body she might have, "_Where_ does he _learn_ these songs!?" She cried.

"My bet is that he parks outside of human 'Elementary schools' and listens to the kindergarteners." Starscream shouted to her over Blitzwing and from across the table.

"He a _tank_ and a _jet_," Arachnia retorted angrily "WHERE, exactly do you think he'd 'park'" She inquired

"I'm so very happy 'cause zere's only von of me!" Blitzwing sang, "…Vait …zat doesn't vork 'cause zere's three of me…"

"Maybe he stays in jet mode and lands on the roof." Lugnut suggested uncovering his audio sensors so that he could hear any response.

"Down by ze baaay! Vere ze vatermelon grooow! Back to my hooome! I dare not gooo!" Blitzwing sang, trying yet another song. Unbeknownst to them the doors opened and Megatron entered, "Fooor it I dooo! My leader's goona saaay:"

"You ever see a whale with a poka-dotted tail?" the Decepticon lord picked up on cue, immediately clapping his hands over his mouth with his optics widened in shock at what he'd just let slip.

All stared at him in surprise. The silence did not last long before:

"Dooown byyy ze baaay, down by ze baaay! Vere ze vatermelon grooow! Back to my hooome! I dare not gooo! Fooor it I dooo! My leader's goona saaay:"

"Sweet Primus, what have I done?" Megatron growled quietly hiding his face in his palms.

"DOWN BY ZE BAY!!"

**Author's end note: ** I think Blitzwing's going to be shot… Those songs are going to be struck in your head all day if you don't do something** right now**. Forgive me, I couldn't help it. One song I couldn't fit in there was the Ievas polka (I don't have the lyrics, and quite frankly I don't even know if that's an actual language being sung or just very clever jibberish). I highly suggest listening to the Basshunter remix, its very addicting, but I'm also warning that if you listen to it a couple times its going to be stuck in your head for DAYS! Anyway I hope you like this fic, it's only my second attempted at humor, so please be kind and give me encouraging reviews.

**Editor: **I hope I got all the mistakes that Zaerith made, I usually miss something and don't ever fix it… oh well, I hope you guys had as much fun with that as we did (oh those poor Decepticons, what did they do to deserve that?) -laughs- Leave nice reviews.


	2. Candy Dance

**Author's note: **Originally this was going to be a one-shot but that changed. This chapter was inspired by my reviewers. Thank you all, you've just gave my Random muse a big ego-boost (trust me that's not nearly as fun as it sounds) and my mental problems have now become a lot worse. Thank you all again, and thanks also to my dear sister/editor who also helped with the inspiration of this chapter.

**Warning: ** Thanks again to my reviewers if you look at the review page, that's warning enough.

**Disclaimer: ** If I owned TFA, Blitzwing would be Random all the time, and well, lets just leave it there for now

Down By the Bay

Candy Dance

The morning was quite, the Decepticons liked it that way, but they really shouldn't, because if the morning was quite that usually meant something was wrong.

But at the moment, BlackArachnia didn't care what anything 'usually meant'. Right now she was fast asleep, in a dream were she was fully mechanical again, back with her old friends, Moonracer, Firestar, Chromia, plus her beloved teammates Sentinel and Optimus. It was a wonderful dream and nothing was going to wake her from it. Nothing.

"Gooooood morning sunshine!"

Except that.

"BLITZWING I'M GONNA-KYAA!!" her threat was cut short by a sudden, searing pain in her head.

"I vouldn't be making any zudden or loud noises if I vere zou!" he cried happily, completely contrary to what he had just advised her.

She groaned, wondering why her head hurt so much, perhaps it was something she did last night…as she wondered she realized that she could not remember anything from the night before at all.

"I'd be careful around ze ozers too, if I vere zou."

Though her pounding head BlackArachnia took a moment to process what he had said. When it came to her what the bouncing Blitzwing possibly meant it struck her almost as painfully as her headache.

"Blitzwing," she asked cautiously "what did you do?"

She was answered only by a Jack-O-Lantern grin and a swift retreat that she was not quick enough to catch.

When BlackArachnia's apparent hangover ended she left her rooms, immediately searching for Blitzwing hoping to continue with her interrogation about the events of the night before. However the triple-changer was nowhere to be found, instead she ran into Lugnut who was also searching for Blitzwing, and eventually they met the others, all searching for Blitzwing.

And that was not the only thing they had in common, apparently none of them remembered anything from last night. The attitude Blitzwing had shown each of them that morning did nothing to help their nerves. Then, just when they were ready to start shooting each other, 'Blitzwing the mighty hero' appeared.

And was immediately turned on like wolves to a lamb.

After several minuets of loud and unnecessary yelling and/or Cybertronian swearing Blitzwing was finally able to give them the answers they wanted. Of course not without giving them a hard time about it first.

"Do zou really vant to know?" he asked.

"Yes." Megatron replied.

"Zou zure?"

"Of course!" Lugnut added.

"Truly?"  
"YES!" The unanimous answer echoed.

Blitzwing's grin gave them all a chill down their spinal structure. The triple-changer bounced over to a large security screen and tampered with the controls replaying the events that his fellow Decepticons could not remember, and had they known, would rather have not remembered.

Megatron, Starscream, BlackArachnia, and Lugnut stood on the screen dancing, very wavering and drunkenly to a strange human song which Blitzwing was joyfully singing. Evidence of high-grade energon were on the floor, spilled on their chassis', and occasionally spewing from Lugnut's mouth.

"Caramell Dansen" the song was called. "Candy Dance".

The four Decepticons stared wide-opticed and jaw dropped at their images, as they even went so far as to join Blitzwing in his happy vocalizations. The triple-changer turned to them singing along with the video-clip and waving his arms to encourage them to start dancing.

"No way." The half-organic transformer hissed at him.

"Vhy not?" He asked "Zou vere all having zo much fun!" Megatron raised his fusion-cannon which gathered energy for the blast to come. Blitzwing shrieked "Vahhh! No, don't hurt ze Blitzving! Don't zou vant to keep your bay-buddy!?"

Megatron cut the energy to his attack and lowered his cannon. "Bay-buddy?" He repeated raising an optic ringe.

"Down by ze baaay! Vere ze vatermelon grooow! Back to my hooome! I dare not gooo! Fooor it I dooo! My leader's goona saaay:"

BOOM!!

"You ever see a frog, walking his dog?" Megatron growled to the smoldering wreck that was barely recognizable as the crazy Decepticon, his "evil-scary aura" causing even Starscream to back away in horror.

Blitzwing was an impressive soldier, Megatron made sure the blast didn't kill him, instead, it just put him in a heavy stasis-lock. Hopefully by the time he recovered, Cold and Angry would have returned.

But since when do good things happen to bad people?

**Author's end note:** Thanks for the feed back, if this chapter wasn't as good as the first, I apologize I haven't had quite as much sugar, and I'm just getting started too !

**Editor: **Ya gotta love that last line… If you leave nice reviews, I'll let Zaerith out of her cage long enough to post more chapters for y'all, so get to it! -evil grin Yo-


	3. Shut UP!

**Author's note: **My family is very articulate, 'cept we have no idea what anyone else is saying. Mom took high school Spanish, I'm taking ASL, my twin is taking French, our older sister has practiced a little bit in both ASL and French, plus she know a little Japanese too, and my Dad is learning Russian from a friend at work, part of this chapter was spawned by this…

**Notice:** I'm thinking this will update Thursdays, not necessarily every week, but maybe every two weeks or one Thursday a month I'm not sure, but updates will defiantly be on Thursdays. Also I've seen others write Blitzwing's other personalities as Icy and Hothead, but I've been calling them Cold and Angry ever since I saw them and I'm sticking to it because its easier for me.

**Warning: ** Inspired by classes my sister/editor and I are taking at school and our group of 'Table Dwellers.' We love you Whitney, thanks for the inspiration. You are my MUSE!

**Disclaimer: **-waves hands around in a seemingly meaningless gesture- Bet'cha you can't guess what I called the HasTak committee for blowing me off about those rights!

Down By the Bay

Shut up!

All reports were in. Life was officially unfair in the Decepticon army. Particularly when a certain still-stuck-on-Random triple-changer came out of stasis and decided that he needed to express his feelings in different manners.

And it drove Megatron nuts.

At first the Decepticon lord thought that when Blitzwing put his hand to the top of his head and then thrust it forward that the triple-changer was saluting his leader, but that became obviously wrong when Blitzwing continued using his hand making a motion like he was blowing a kiss, resting his left arm on his right and raising the tips of his right fingers to his face, just brushing the tip of his nose.

If Random had a nose anyway…

Megatron glared at him and demanded that he use words but to no avail, Blitzwing continued waving his hands around in ways that Megatron quickly got annoyed with. His agitated shouts got the attention of Starscream. When the seeker entered, Blitzwing turned to him giving the same hand motion thing whatever-the-frag-it-was that he had given Megatron.

When Starscream blinked at him stupidly, Blitzwing repeated the motion, the seeker glance to the seething Megatron and back to Blitzwing, mirroring the action. Blitzwing gave a delighted squeal and nodded vigorously and made another motion which Starscream mirrored as well.

Watching them Megatron got fed up with the movements and turned to Starscream, "What is he doing?" he growled.

"I have no clue." Starscream replied continuing to repeat ever motion that Blitzwing did.

However, when Starscream spoke Blitzwing stopped, pointed at him, then to himself, tapped his middle finger against his chest and put both his hands up to his face motioning down like he was pulling something over his face.

Confused, Starscream copied the motion, Megatron followed suite. Blitzwing squeaked shaking his head and whining like a kicked puppy and made different movements with his hands.

"SHUT UP!" Megatron roared.

"He's not actually 'talking' Sir." Starscream corrected.

"I KNOW THAT! YOU SHUT UP TOO!" Megatron howled the metal plates on his face turning a molten red because of his super heated anger. Blitzwing started waving his hands around again with a childish grin on his face.

"What's going on in here?" BlackArachnia asked as she entered, also curious about the racket. Her eyes flickered to Blitzwing while he gestured his hands around, he stopped however to give her the same hand signal he had given both Megatron and Starscream when they had entered. The two of them growled.

BlackArachnia however, repeated the motion as Starscream had, but unlike Starscream she balled her hand into a fist and gently rapped it against her forehead twice.

Blitzwing gave an affronted gasp, made another motion with his hands and ran out of the room making a sound that was somewhere between a whine and a sob. Megatron and Starscream gazed after him awhile before turning the half-organic femme.

"Wh-what was_ that_?" they asked, not quite simultaneously.

"ASL," She answered "American Sign Language, he said 'hello, good morning.' I called him dummy."

The two mechs looked at her with amazement and confusion, "How..?"

"I saw him studying it once, and I sort of picked up on it." she shrugged. Another loud whine came from the room which Blitzwing had fled, "Next time you see him, Megatron, shoot him, he was signing _that_ song when I came in."

Megatron tensed. By now all Decepticons, whether they where on Earth or not knew what "_that_" song was. "I…am…_not_…his… 'bay-buddy'…" the words came out as a mix of a threat and a promise. A promise to kill who ever referred to him as such.

"Whatever." BlackArachnia replied waving him off, "I doubt he'll be bothering us with ASL anytime soon, you're good for now."

Megatron did intend to shoot Blitzwing the next time he saw the triple-changer, but he remained missing for a few weeks, and by the time Blitzwing returned Megatron no longer cared about ASL, however he still had a thing with "that song".

"Pres de la baie!!" Blitzwing sang happily.

"JUST BECAUSE I DON'T SPEAK THAT LANGUAGE DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!" Megatron roared "IF YOU WANT TO LIVE YOU WILL STOP AND YOU WILL STOP **NOW**!"

It was Lugnut, however, who finally stopped the triple-changer's merrymaking, "Parley vous Francios?" Lugnut asked with false excitement.

"Slag it!" Blitzwing whined taking off again

Lugnut didn't even wait for Megatron to ask, "I heard him practicing and figured he was up to something, Master."

Megatron snorted his appreciation. Professor Sumdac applauded, Megatron wasn't the only one annoyed with the song.

Lugnut gave a bow "How was my pronunciation?" He asked the human.

"Excellent!" The Professor replied.

"Oh no Blitzwing! I LIKE that song! Don't you DARE ruin it for me!" BlackArachnia's voice carried through the base.

Megatron sighed as the femme stomped toward them, "What Earth language is he butchering now?"

"Korean." She answered with a hiss, the door banged open again as Blitzwing entered after her.

"If zou like zat zong vhy don't zou zing wit me?" he half asked, half sang.

"No."

"F T! I-S-L-A-N-D! LET'S GO!" He started and continued in 'Korean'.

BlackArachnia shot a web to gag him. Blitzwing attempted to sing through it, but his voice was so muffled it didn't matter how hard he tried.

And then there was applause. Glorious applause, BlackArachnia gave a small curtsy before turning to leave, the sound of her victory echoing throughout the entire base.

**Author's end note: **LOLZ, and the ball's only just starting started rolling, just wait till chapter five, only one chapter away . Also, if anyone wants to draw fanart for this story, I would love to see it. Any scene works, but particularly I wanna see the 'Decepticon Caramell Dansen', I'd draw it myself but I have no good references of most of the characters besides I want to feel more connected with my readers.

**Editor's Note:** The ASL that Blizty uses in this chap translates to "Hello, good morning.", "Good! How are you?", "You make me feel sad.", and he calls Arachnia 'meanie' after she calls him dummy. And the Korean song 'FT Island' is sort of the theme song for the group FT Island (F T stands for Five Treasure) and we highly recommend the song because it's so cute and fun. Also translation notes Blitzwing's French interpretation translates closer to "Near the bay,"


	4. What the Frag do you mean by Prelude!

Author's note: Pwaahaw ha, this is it, the chapter before the rumored chapter five, the prelude to my true cruelty the --Ooooh

**Author's note: **Pwaahaw ha, this is it, the chapter before the rumored chapter five, the prelude to my true cruelty, the --Ooooh!! A cookie!

**Warning: ** Megatron tells Blitzwing off and this causes more problems then it solves

**Disclaimer: ** If TFA were mine the characters would not look like they tried to swallow a brick.

Down By the By

What the Frag do you mean by PRELUDE!?

It seemed that Blitzwing had finally tired of that Primus-awful song. Unfortunately for Megatron and Professor Sumdac, his latest little Sing-along was even worse.

"Ze Pinky and Ze Brain! Ze Pinky and Ze Brain! Von is a genius! Ze others insane!"

"Blitzwing…" Megatron growled, but the triple-changer only sang louder, until Megatron finally snapped. For the third time in the last two days. "BLITZWING THE PROFESSOR AND I ARE TRYING TO….MAKE COMPLICATED EVIL...PLAN…STUFFS! WOULD IT _KILL_ YOU TO TAKE THE INFURIATING…THING…THAT YOU DO…ELSEWHERE, _ANYWHERE_!?"

Blitzwing gave a disappointed sigh and left silently while Megatron heaved a relieved one. Quiet at last. Giving Megatron a moment to consider what he had said.

"Trying to make complicated evil plan stuffs…?" he groaned at his own less than articulate use of vocabulary, "He must _really_ be knocking my bolts lose…"

"I wonder though, which one of us was Pinky and which of us was the Brain?" the Professor asked innocently.

"Don't _you_ start!" Megatron snapped, and for several minuets something was actually getting done.

"Excuse me Megatron, your greatness?" Sumdac asked unexpectedly, using a respectful tone to get the overlord's attention, "But, might I suggest something?"

Megatron glowered at him, "I will _not_ take advice from a miserable bag of _meat_ on how I should approach a situation."

"But Megatron I--"

"NARF!!"

"BEAT IT BLITZWING!" Both man and machine cried. Blitzwing whined and left again.

"Lord Megatron, sir." another voice suddenly cut in.

"WHAT do you want, Shockwave!?" Megatron all but roared.

"Errmm…" the double-agent wasn't sure how to respond to his master's unexplained fury, for he was quite unaware of the circumstances concerning Blitzwing.

"Shockwave the professor and I are very busy, so unless Sentinel Prime or some other Autobot-high-'n-mighty caught you making love with a new recruit and somehow ended up discovering you true allegiance, hang up." He ordered with a hint of a threat hanging in his voice.

Shockwave's single optic drifted uneasily from Megatron to the door behind him, "They haven't found out about me yet." He mumbled and cut the transmission.

"Hold on a moment." Sumdac asked slowly, "Did he just admit to…er…?"

"Sexing a minor?" Megatron finished. When the human nodded Megatron merely shrugged and answered "Meh…Wouldn't be the first time."

Isaac Sumdac's jaw had never dropped so far in his life.

About two hours later Megatron was, for once, in a pretty pleasant mood. Since Blitzwing had gone Professor Sumdac's performance rate had gone up and they were well ahead of schedule. It seemed nothing could go wrong now.

"Megatron, sir." Shockwave's voice came and his face appeared though a field of static.

"Yes? What is it Shockwave?" The agreeable tone Megatron had made Shockwave concerned for his master momentarily, remembering how sour he had been the last time he had called.

"I suppose you're feeling better, but I've come with some disturbing news." The Decepticon spy relayed.

"What?"

"Last time I called, sir, I had received a distress signal from Starscream," Megatron scoffed at Shockwave's concern over the traitor but continued to listen to the double-agent. "There was interference, a lot of it; I could only catch something about BlackArachnia, a big mistake, and Blitzwing being crazy before I was cut off, sir."

"Wh-what does that mean!?" Megatron demanded.

"I don't-- uh-oh, Megatron sir I have to go, seems Ultra Magnus himself is getting involved with my case." Before the Decepticon Lord could stop him Shockwave vanished away again.

"Son of a Glitch." Megatron growled mixing a human curse and a Cybertronian one. "Stay here," he ordered the human "I'll go see what I can find out about this 'big mistake' or whatever."

It didn't take long to find out what Shockwave meant, however, as soon as he opened the door out of the lab Megatron saw evidence of BlackArachnia's webs all over the hall, including a large buddle of it which he would later discover was a completely cocooned Lugnut. What really got his attention though was the muffled sound of voices. He followed the noise praying to Primus that it was something he didn't have to yell about.

No luck.

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE!?" He shouted, but was unable to be heard amidst the other cries in the room.

"ARACHNIA! ARACHNIA! LET DOWN ZOUR VEB!"

"GET SMELTED THREE-FACE!!"

"WAAAGGGHHHH!!"

Megatron shouted again, and again, but his voice was swallowed up in a dangerous mix of death-threats, singing and screaming. Megatron sucked in his breath for a final try.

And final it was.

Not only was it heard, but it silenced everyone, Professor Sumdac could hear it from the lab, and on top of that, it busted his vocals.

Starscream sat trembling in a corner, BlackArachnia in her spider-mode clung to a wall, and Blitzwing stood in the center of it all. The spider climbed down from the wall and quickly explained a situation (which the Overlord paid little attention to) that had gotten out of hand. Blitzwing uttered a freighted apology, and poor Starscream ran up to the triple-charger obviously experiencing a mental meltdown of some kind.

"Angry! Cold! Come out PLEASE! I know you can! I BELIEVE IN YOU!" he bubbled through incoherent whines and other murmurs.

Megatron sighed with his face in his palm and headed back to the lab. By the time he got there his self-healing systems had started to fix his voice capacitator, and when he tried to speak his words sounded barely above a fractured whisper.

"What. Was. That. S-suggestion… of. Yours…professor…?"

**Author's end note:** Mwahha, so it begins. I had a lot fun raping the Shift button. The whole 'Arachnia, Arachnia let down your web' thing is based of a doodle I did a couple weeks ago, no you can't see it because I don't have it scanned so it isn't posted anywhere. Thanks for reading and to the reviewer who requested that Blitzwing do Chinese, sorry, nobody I know speaks or is learning Chinese and I don't trust online translators.

**Editor's note: **It gets worse, trust me.


	5. There is no Primus

**Author's Note: **I apologize for the late update, I forgot on Thursday and have been having computer problems, I'm trying to keep this on time. Anyway, I've been building up to this chapter for a while and actually had parts of it written out five weeks ago I hope you like it!**  
Warning: **One hour with Blitzwing, two of the 'cons contemplate suicide**  
Disclaimer: **God doesn't exist, or else my prayers to the rights of TFA would be answered

Down by the Bay

There is no Primus

It's not that Dr. Sumdac's idea was a bad one, for a human it was perhaps a very good one actually, it was just poorly executed. Perhaps it was because even Isaac Sumdac didn't know, nor care to consider, how far Blitzwing's Random personality was willing to take this.

And to tell the truth Megatron didn't care for the statistics anymore, not with Starscream's recent meltdown, though admittedly he found it very amusing that Starscream was the first to crack. Somehow he knew the second-in-command would never make it.

Megatron announced to his handful of Decepticon warriors the new plan quickly and without mentioning any details, "Decepticons we are all going to spend an hour each with Blitzwing to…get used to him, once a day, daily, until he doesn't bug us anymore." The problem with that was he'd also announced it the triple-changer as well who, in his current state of Random, took it as a challenge.

To error is human; to really fuck up, just add Blitzwing

**Megatron**

"Blitzwing I would prefer it if you did not refer to the troops as my 'legion of doom'" He growled. But Blitzwing continued to babble nonsense. Did he just say something about a bat cave?

"Vhat do zou zink Megatron? If we could turn ze Bat-mobile in a Transformer vould it be a Decepticon or an Autobot?"

"I don't know what the Bat-mobile is, Blitzwing…" Megatron paused a moment, "Actually, no, that's a lie, I _do_ know what it is but-"

"Na na na na na na na na na na! BATMAN! Na na na na na na na na na na! BATMAN!

Na na na na na na na na na na! BATMAN!"

_This was a phenomenally bad idea…_

He was down to his wits end and it hadn't even been fifteen minutes yet. Megatron raised his cannon ready to fire when the opportune moment came, but paused wondering whether to blast Blitzwing or himself.

**Starscream**

_Megatron is punishing me for something… He's punishing all of us…but then why would he also be punishing himself?_

Blitzwing continued to sing, "When zou vish upon a star! Makes no difference who zou are!" Loudly, and very, very off key.

Starscream took a breath and silently counted to three. Blitzwing couldn't spend the whole hour singing…could he?

_He has to get bored eventually…or tired…_He thought with a shiver hope in his spark… _or blow a circuit…o-or SOMETHING!_

By then end of the hour Starscream knew better than challenge Blitzwing's abilities and envied BlackArachnia's organic ability to cry.

"Nawww, Vhat's ze matter Starscream? Vhy ze long face?"

**BlackArachnia**

She liked Blitzwing Cold, and could put up with Angry, but BlackArachnia could _not_ _stand_ Random.

Inversely _he_ loved her to bits.

"Zo…Vhere's little miz Muffet?" He asked with a grin that humans would say 'spread from ear to ear', but seeing as Blitzwing did not have ears, BlackArachnia supposed that the saying did not apply to this case.

"Who?" She asked rapping her fingers against the tabletop irritably.

"Little miz Muffet." He repeated. She continued to stare at him confused. "You know like in ze nursevy ryme:

"Little miz Muffet,

Sat on her tuffet,

Eating her curves and vay,

Along came a spider,

Who sat down beside her,

Scaring miz Muffet Avay"

Arachnia glared at him, Megatron had forbid her from using her webs to gag him, but the thought was soooooo tempting. "I don't think you even got _half_ of those words right." She hissed, "Would you just stop butchering things already?"

"Not till you tell me about Miz Muffet!" He declared, and waited for a reply "Vell?" he began edging closer to her face.

BlackArachnia refused to answer.

"How 'bout a zong zen? Ze freaks come out at night! Ze Freaks come out at Niiight!"

She sighed and continued rapping her fingers. _Just forty-five more minutes, just forty-five more minutes, just forty-five more minutes, just forty-five more minutes… _

"Ze freaks come out at night! Ze Freaks come out at Niiight!"

**Lugnut**

"I DO believe in fairies! I do, I do! I do believe in fairies! I do, I do! I do believe in fairies! I do, I do!"

Lugnut had the most 'tolerance' for Blitzwing's random personality, but even he had his limits. He shifted from side to side, lifting his arms, craning his neck, searching his legs. Where could it be?

"I do believe in fairies! I do, I do! I do believe in fairies! I do, I d- Zeh? Lugnut, vhat are zou looking for?"

"My self-destruct button." Lugnut answered. He couldn't take this anymore; as soon as he found that knob it was good-by Blitzwing, hello eternity!

"Zou have a self-destruct button?" Blitzwing asked. Lugnut snorted, hopefully he did. "Eh let me help zou!" He cried and grabbed his partner, spun him around and searched. "I don't zee von!"

Lugnut stayed quite for a few minutes while waiting for his world to come back in focus.

"Brave, brave, brave, brave zir Lugnut! He vas not afraid to die, oh brave zir Lugnut! He vas not at all afraid to be killed in nasty vays brave, brave, brave, brave zir Lugnut!"

That was the final straw, Lugnut rammed his head against the wall, it wasn't self-destructing, but maybe if he hit his head hard enough, and a sufficient number of times, he could force himself off-line…

Later…

Professor Sumdac waited patiently for the Decepticons to finish their four hour 'sessions' with Blitzwing, and as the patients entered the room he gave them each a kind smile "So, how'd it go?"

The small human quickly found himself surrounded by four, big, angry robots. They didn't say anything, nor did they move. They just glared at him.

"Th-that bad, huh?" Sumdac whimpered.

Other than a single step forward by each of the Decepticons, there was no response.

"Better luck tomorrow?" He ventured.

Another step forward.

"These things take time. It'll get easier."

Step.

Sumdac shifted uncomfortably, from the arrangement now, one more step and the first one with their foot down would crush him. "I should just keep my mouth shut shouldn't I?" he muttered.

"Yes, we'd appreciate that." Megatron said suddenly and the group dispersed.

"That was scary." He whimpered after a moment of complete silence, huddling into himself.

"I'll zay, even from here, it looked uncomfortable."

Sumdac was now trapped in a room with Blitzwing.

"Zo my little friend," The triple-changer smirked, "Vhat do zou vant to do for an hour?"

Sumdac gulped. When he said they each had to spend an hour with Blitzwing he hadn't quite meant he had to as well. But too late, Blitzwing was already singing.

"Ze day Ze Squirrel vent berserk! In ze first self-righteous church--"

"No, please! I HATE this song!"

Blitzwing only sang louder, and somehow, Isaac Sumdac knew that somewhere the Decepticons were laughing at him.

He deserved it too, because he was laughing at them earlier.

**Author's end note: **Yeah, there's something wrong with me. On the note of something being wrong, I'm a little low on juice right now so I'm happy to announce I'm taking requests for things you want to see happen in this. I have an ending to this fic planned but, surly like you all, I'm not ready for it to be over and (as I told a reviewer last week) I'm hoping to keep this up long enough to have a Christmas special, so if you want that leave reviews with your suggestions please!

**Editor's Note: **Yes, leave suggestions, but we do have a few rules. Okay? First: No specific bashing of a character, no character in this fic is going to be victimized purely for grudges. Second: no killings, though we have had threats of suicide and homicide, no character will actually be killed. Third: Yes we want suggestions, but only one suggestion per reviewer each chapter, so if you're upset about your suggestion not being picked, don't worry we'll choose yours eventually. Sound Good?


	6. You've been Swindled

Bay6

**Author's note: ** Chapter inspired by reviews from **Murder Junkie **and **Turgera**, thank you for participating and I hope you enjoy the chapter 'cause it couldn't have been done without you.

**Warnings: **Swindle makes a guest appearance, maybe full-time role later. I haven't seen the episode of TFA he was in, and I'm basing how I write him off how others have characterized him and what I read on Wikipedia.

**Disclaimer: **My soul belongs to the Decepticon army; I can't own them because they own me!

You've been Swindled!

After a frightfully close call with the Detroit police force, Swindle decided that he had better lie low for a while. That, however, didn't last long and soon enough he was dealing arms for the Decepticons once again. His disappearance didn't go unnoticed by the human forces, but he was more careful this time around and didn't let _any_ human know of him and even hid his Decepticon insignia.

For a while it seemed that his career as an arms dealer was back to normal, but then he received a message on his COM link. One that was unlike any other in his whole life…

"For the _last_ time," Megatron growled, "We did not order a DBR Machine!"

"DDR," Swindle corrected, "Dance, Dance Revolution. I have the order form, and I thought it was strange, but…"

"DDR," Blitzwing parroted, even mimicking the dealer's unsure hand motions as he tried to explain himself, "Dance, Dance Revolution. I 'ave ze order form, and I zout it vas strange, but…"

"Stop that!" Swindle snapped.

"Stop Zat!" Blitzwing snapped back.

"He's doing it for attention," Megatron explained to the dealer, "just ignore him."

"What ever happened to his other personalities?" Swindle asked.

Blitzwing was silent a moment, almost as though he was somehow hurt by the question before he repeated it.

"Blitzwing get out." Megatron ordered, he was already tiring of the triple-changer, and as human clocks go, it wasn't even noon yet.

"No he can stay I'll just ignore him."

"No 'e can stay I'll jus ignore 'im." Swindle flinched a bit with annoyance.

"We don't want a DGR Machine," Swindle and Blitzwing corrected him one after another, "WHATever, I don't know how you got an order form for one, but we didn't send it, take it back."

"Naw, come on Megatron," Swindle moaned, "I spent weeks finding sufficient parts to build a Decepticon sized DDR Machine, and I already set it up."

Megatron glowered at him as Blitzwing parroted the Humvee.

Swindle felt as though he had shrunk, "Y-you might as w-well keep it m-my lord, if you make me take it back I'm still going to have to charge you for it!" He shut off his optics waiting for the blow. He heard Blitzwing mimicking his words and even opened his optics a crack to see if he was flinching too. He was.

Megatron had his fusion cannon raised, but appeared to be thinking it over, "Alright," He said, lowering his gun "We'll keep the fragging game, but don't expect us to be using it."

"I didn't think you would," Swindle said with an uneasy smile, "but order forms are order forms."

"I didn't zink zou vould, but order formz are order formz."

At this time Swindle lost his patience, "Shut up you stupid lousy no-good excuse for a Decepticon!!"

At this time Blitzwing lost his patience, "Zhut up zou stupid lousy no-good s'cuse for a Decepticon!!"

"Stop it NOW!"

"Stop it NOW!"

"I'm a thick-headed glitch mouse!"

"I'm a zick-'eaded glitch mouse!" Nope, that didn't work.

"Megatron! Make him _stop_!" Swindle whined.

"Megatron! Make 'im _stop_!" Blitzwing whined.

"Nuh-uh," Megatron growled with a tone of superiority "I have front row seat to a great spectacle." It was rather amusing to watch the triple-changer annoy someone else for a change.

Swindle growled irritably, so did Blitzwing. Then Swindle had an idea.

"I'mjustasweettransvestitefromtranssexualTransylvania." He sang as in-tune as he could as fast as he could.

"I'mjusta…uh sveet…erm…ah," Blitzwing paused a moment, "From, er…"

"HA!" Swindle shouted triumphantly. Megatron applauded muttering something about 'wish I'd thought of that', and as he was turning to leave he missed the winks that passed from Swindle to Blitzwing…

It seemed that Megatron had underestimated Blitzwing's ability to annoy, and with the 'DDR' he now played with the volume on full blast at unsystematic times claiming "zis is my favorite part". And on top of that, the triple-changer kept insisting that Megatron give it a try.

BlackArachnia had gotten so fed up with the loud music that she moved out into the woods to terrorize the local hikers. Lugnut wandered around with his audio sensors off, Starscream spent most of his time "patrolling the skies", Professor Sumdac was forced to make himself a pair a ear plugs, and Megatron broke his vocals again, and again, telling Blitzwing to turn the fragging game off.

It was a strange day, he thought, when he found the music playing at full blast, but Blitzwing was nowhere to be found. He yelled for the triple-changer to come turn the music down or the game off, but the crazy Decepticon did not respond. He called again, still no response.

Time to take matter into his own servos.

He climbed up onto the platform, "Let's see, how do we mute this thing?" While he looked for the volume options his foot landed on a square with an arrow pointing to the left.

"Good!"

Megatron jumped, he didn't know who had just said that, "Show yourself!" He demanded, unaware that when he moved his foot landed on another square pointing forward.

"Bad!" This time he found the speaker. The game could talk! Again and again arrows on the screen moved upward, passing though unmoving arrows, all the while making comments about a 'poor performance'.

"I'll show you!" Megatron challenged and put his foot on the arrow pointing to the left, then to the right, left again, forward, backward, right, right, right, left.

"Good! Alright! Awesome!" The Game cheered.

It wasn't until now that Megatron noticed that the panels below his feet lit up when he stepped on them, and soon he also discovered how mesmerizing the screen was. The music, it put a sway to his stomping that had never existed before. Within moments he was gliding gracefully form panel to panel, in beat with the music, entranced by the lights, colors and motions on the screen.

"Perfect!" The game declared, "Level up!"

The music changed and the dancing became faster, harder, but Megatron continued almost…gleefully…

Starscream didn't know what to expect when he entered the room, but what he saw certainly wasn't on the top five things he would have guessed. Megatron was so distracted by the game that he failed to notice that he had entered.

_Now's my chance!_ The air commander thought. After his recent mental meltdown, he'd been too ashamed to face Megatron, let alone try to assassinate him, but now, now was perfect. He snuck closer, a sinister grin spread across his facial features, one more step and Megatron would be a thing of that past.

"Don't even think about." Megatron said suddenly. Starscream froze. Impossible! How could Megatron have know he was there!? "Don't get like that," Megatron continued, "I could own you from one side of this planet to the other!"

Starscream yelped and bolted. If he had known that Megatron was unaware of his presence and was talking to the game, he wouldn't have panicked so. As it was, Megatron did not know Starscream was there at all, and was still blissfully ignorant of the two others still watching him.

Blitzwing's grin had never before been filled with such triumph and amusement, "Told zou!" He gloated to his companion.

"Alright, you win," Swindle sighed handing over a free upgrade, but amusement was clearly audible in his voice, "I didn't think you could get him to do it."

"New High Score!" The Game congratulated.

**Author's End Note:** Let me just say that this was a lot of fun, I hope more people review with suggestions now, and I LOVE the new Reader Traffic thing, I'm getting readers for this story from Countries I didn't even know existed! This is Awesome! Thank you ALL!

**Random Note: **I saw the most amusing thing last weekend. A guy getting chased by a shopping cart. You read that right, chased by a _shopping cart_. I don't know how he managed it, probably had a rope tied around his waist and to cart, but whatever, it was damn amusing to watch from the road. This may or may not make its way into DBTB.

**Editor's note: **Little warning, there are going to be a few sub-chapters every-so often (not every week) that will most likely be posted on Mondays so keep your eyes out for them. Leave suggestions in your reviews and remember Me Faeryl not nice editor, Me Faeryl hunt down flamers. LOL!


	7. Sub Chapter 1

Author's note:

**Author's note: **Okay here's the first sub-chapter, hope you like!**  
Warning: **Well…I know you guys have been wondering what happened to Angry and Cold.

**Disclaimer: **If you recognize it, it isn't mine, if you don't it IS mine.

Down By the Bay

Subchapter 1

Inside Blitzwing's Head

It was like waking up from a coma, at least Angry supposed so. At first he was confused and then he slowly started to come aware of his surroundings.

"Vell look oo's come to join ze land of ze living." A figure in front of him murmured.

Angry knew by the icy atmosphere surrounding the figure that it was his Cold personality, but what he didn't understand was what he'd said. And not understanding made Angry, well, angry.

"Vhat's zat zupposed mean!?" He shouted in an obligatory rage as he jumped to his feet.

"Tch, tch…" The intelligent part of Blitzwing's personality scolded, "Bettah vatch zat temper ov yourz, von day it might get zou into big trouble."

"Vhat!?" Angry retorted, "Git me in trouble!? It'll get zou in trouble first!!" he roared launching at his icy counterpart.

Cold didn't move, not until the last possible moment. He sidestepped to the right only a foot, but that was enough and Angry ran headlong into an invisible wall. At the resounding clang Cold lowered his ice cannons and fired at Angry's feet.

"Eh!?" The fuming personality cried trying to shake his feet free of the ice, but to no avail, he was stuck. "Vhat did zou do zat for!?"

Cold offered a small chuckle at Angry's situation, and walked calmly over, with his cannons still pointed at Angry to ensure that his other personality didn't try anything funny. When they stood side by side, he put his arms forward and a screen appeared before him, providing a view of the world outside their mind.

Through it Angry saw their Random personality talking to someone. He squinted to see who it was.

Swindle.

"Vhat iz zat failing zon of a Glitch do'in back 'ere!?" He cried, boiling with fury, he lowered his cannons and blasted the ice from his feet.

"I vouldn't do zat if I vere zou." Cold said monotonously, but Angry either didn't hear him or didn't care to listen.

He launched at the screen, intending to make himself the dominate personality, so he could show Swindle what Decepticons did to failures. Then he hit the monitor, and bounced back off like he'd hit the wall. He stared upwards doing nothing for a few moments before Cold appeared in his vision.

"I varned zou," he said frigidly, turning away and looking back though the monitor "while zou vere still slumbering, I took ze liberty of exploring our situation…"

Angry sat up, "Situation!? Vhat Situation!?"

Cold turned back to him, "Zou haven't figured it out? Ve are trapped in 'ere, vhile Random is trapped out zere."

"…Trapped…?" Angry repeated slowly. He tried to hide it, but both his other personalities knew that their cranky counterpart was claustrophobic. "How are ve going to git outta 'ere!?"

Cold shrugged, "Dunno, zis 'as nevah 'appened before, but ve'll figure it out. In ze meantime we might as vell enjoy ze show."

"Show?" Angry asked, "Vhat show?"

Cold pointed to the screen where Random and Swindle were watching what appeared to be 'Megatron the DDR King'. Angry wasn't one to find anything funny, and instead turned his attention to Swindle.

"Zat Malfunction zhouldn't still be functioning!" He declared, "If I vas zere I'd show 'im a zing or two!"

"Patience, my Hot-Headed friend," Cold said "ze 'Malfunction' von't last long at zis rate, he'll get his just desserts."

"Just desserts!? Vhy I outta--" Angry hated it when Cold used word or phrases that he didn't know, and now his limits had been reached, he reached out and wrapped his large hands around Cold's thinner neck.

"Gcckkkt!? An-Angry..! Kcccllttt!!" Cold tried to fight him but Angry was physically stronger than him.

"I'LL KILL ZOU! JUS' LIKE I KILLED _PASSIONATE_ BLITZVING!!"

**Author's end note: **Don't fret over Cold, he'll be alright, Angry doesn't have what it takes to kill the Brains of the Operation. It's Lugnut you should be worrying about --.

**Editor's note: **Okay, that was Sub-chapter 1, now we can get back to your suggestions. You noticed Passionate Blitzwing, yes? That's just a joke we had where Blitzwing have more than three personalities. Passionate Blitzwing was, well, the passionate lover type and the most likely one to, if he had survived, joined the Autobots, but he didn't so we're stuck with classic Animated Blitzwing's personalities, no additions…


	8. In which Blitzwing becomes Contagious

Author's note:

**Author's note:** Chapter inspired by: (Signed reviews are in **bold,** anonymous in _italic_) **Skyblazer117**, **Mackinator**, **Tlcoopi7**,and_ BizarroVeR _(Had to change some of the combinations to make it fit with everything else going on in this chapter, but the idea is what counts, kudos and kisses), with apologies to **Turgera **for misspelling her name in the last chapter ; my bad! And Faeryl couldn't fix it because she didn't know…I did it again didn't I? _**Tugera**_,sorry!

**Warning: **I make Thursdays fun!

**Disclaimer: **I own Transformers Animated in the same universe where pigs fly and Government Intelligence isn't just an Oxymoron.

Down By the Bay

In which Blitzwing becomes Contagious

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around. That was a common fact in the Decepticon army and it applied to everyone. Not even Blitzwing Angry could argue that, but Random, did not have bad moods, and thus wanted to test the 'fact'. However, nothing upset him so he chose instead to test the theory with a different emotion.

"Zilent like ze ninja, ze mighty Blitzving approaches hiz target." He narrated himself softly, trying not to bring attention to himself as he drew near his intended victim, "Zlowly he sneaks through ze tall grass and prepares to stri-"

"Don't _even_ three-face!" BlackArachnia threatened, "One bite is all it takes, my venom will have you in stasis lock 'till the universe implodes on itself, after that I don't know but I'm tempted to test it."

Blitzwing yelped and dashed away, searching for easier prey.

BlackArachnia snorted, "At times like this I wish I were still an Autobot," she sighed, "but then I remember that I'm a science project waiting to be examined, luckily Megatron has no interest in organic matter and I can just do as I please so long as it furthers the Decepticon cause, and Slag it Blitzing, now I'm talking to myself!" she sighed again, "I hear there's a Catholic Church Group Hike today, let's see if their 'God' can save them…Here I go talking to myself still, I need a nap, or a high-grade, or maybe even a visit to the Autobot headquarters, I'm sure the kid would enjoy a good scare. How about a night on the town, the police need something to whine about after all…"

Poor BlackArachnia ended up doing nothing but continue to rant to herself until the cows came home.

Blitzwing on the other hand, escaped and continued to plot his next move. If he couldn't get BlackArachnia then who should he…?

The door opened suddenly and Lugnut passed by. His audio sensors were still off-line and he didn't even notice Blitzwing as he continued on his way through the hall and out the door on the other end. Blitzwing stared after him a moment. His mischievous grin © spread across his face like an unchecked forest fire.

_New Target Acquired…_

Exhausted from countless ordeals with Blitzwing, Lugnut now fell into recharge almost as soon as he hit the berth, and stayed in a state almost like he was offline 'til the crack of dawn when he'd grown accustom to Blitzwing pouncing onto him and attempting to _River dance_ on his c_hassis_. However, as stated earlier, he was as good as gone during those hours of silent, peaceful, still, wonderful recharge…

Providing Blitzwing just the window he needed for his plan.

Snickering, he leaned over the slumbering giant, just to make sure that he _really_ was out like a light. He poked and prodded him, and even sang a short song. Satisfied that Lugnut wasn't going to wake during the procedure, he opened up the mech's fuel tanks and proceeded to poor sugar into them.

How Blitzwing managed to get hold of enough sugar to fill Lugnut's fuel tanks without rousing anyone's suspicions, we'll never know…

The first slosh of something wet should have beckoned Lugnut back to his senses, but where there was once a voice in the back of his mind that said 'This is stupid and immature, Megatron would not approve'; there was now a new voice that said 'This is fun! Keep it up; no one will know it was you!'

What a strange sensation it was. He felt as if he were invincible and untiring, and actually he had never felt so spazztastic (Was that even a word or did Blitzwing just make it up!?) in his life.

Giggling he tried to hush himself as he finished repainting his partner to look like the Autobot ninja Prowl, following the completion Blitzwing took the brush and wetted it with green paint. Laughter tickled the back of his throat as the cold, wet paint turned him into the clumsy Bulk-Head Autobot he had so often clashed with. The triple-changer giggled and declared him as "Finito!"

Turning around to face the mirror a horde of laughter finally busted its way out of his vocal processor, joining his voice was Blitzwing's as the triple-changer doubled over in his hysterical cackles.

The paint was still wet and jittering hands didn't make the most accurate marks, so they looked utterly ridiculous. Perhaps they'd repaint again later, but it would have to do for now. They had others to get to work on.

The first stop was Starscream's private quarters. The seeker was never very alert so repainting him wasn't a difficult task. It was deciding who to paint him as that was the problem, Blitzwing wanted to make him as Ratchet, but Lugnut insisted they do him as Bumblebee. In the end they decided to draw names. They wrote down the remaining Autobots on slips of paper, but finding no hat to draw them out of instead dropped them into Starscream's mouth which was wipe open in snores.

Starscream almost choked on the paper, but continued to dream about finally destroying Megatron and taking his place as the Decepticon leader. When the seeker had briefly frightened them into retreat Blitzwing and Lugnut had considered doing someone else first, but as soon as he was asleep again they drew out the name and smiled in agreement at the result.

Optimus Prime.

"He makes such a pretty Prime." Lugnut giggled.

Next the duo worked their way over to the lab; on their way over they had discussed and agreed that Professor Sumdac was not going to get off this one scot-free and upon reaching their destination they had figured out who he was going to be.

Ratchet.

Since Isaac Sumdac was a small organic they couldn't pain him, but they _could_ change his cloths! Within minutes they had one of his assistant-bots reprogrammed to help them turn the genius into a grumpy old Autobot. The result was priceless, and the two of them barely made it out of the lab before bursting into another giggle fit.

Finally, it was BlackArachnia's turn; there was only one Autobot left so that made it easy. However what made it difficult was that the half-organic Decepticon slept in her spider-mode hanging on a web in her quarters. Years of fear, anger, resentment and sensitive organic flesh, also made her a light sleeper. Not only did they have to figure out how to paint her without the proper body shape, but she woke up at least five times in which they had almost gotten caught. Luckily the fumes from the paint made the spider drowsy and she was asleep again shortly.

Finished with their mischief, the pranced back along the hall back to where they started.

"Eh, Luggy?" Blitzwing grinned.

"Wha-?" A yawn escaped Lugnut, a tell-tale sign that his sugar rush was beginning to slow to a stop. Blitzwing noted this with dismay, but then lightened up, might as well have fun with him while he was 'still cool'.

"I'm zinking of a zong and I'd be happy if zou zang it wit' me!" He said, and began to sing loudly, "Meow, meow, meow, meow! Meow, meow, meow, meow! Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!"

Lugnut gave him a confused look, but Blitzwing continued to sing, and eventually the colossal Decepticon got the tune and joined him in a very off-key and unmatched version of the Meow-Mix song.

_** "Meow, meow, meow, meow! Meow, meow, meow, meow! Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!"**_ rang through the base until Lugnut finally collapsed from exhaustion.

He felt sick, which was something new for him. He rolled over and groaned. He vaguely remembered a very wild and foolish dream about…something…something with Blitzwing. That was it. He felt too horrible to even _try_ to remember anything else, but something stirred in the back of his mind. A little voice. What was it trying to say? Speak up little voice, I can't hear you.

_Your in for it now Bulky._

"What!?" he cried jumping up, and immediately regretting it because of the sickening feeling filling his innards.

He found himself surrounded by Autobots, his raised his cannons defensively, feeling sick was not going to stop him from defending his Decepticon honor.

"Oh, Lugnut, would you put those away," the Prime said (Funny; that voice didn't sound like…) "look again." He ordered (Sounded sorta like…)

"Starscream!?" Lugnut cried bewilderedly.

"Bravo you iron-headed-idiot." Said Bumblebee next to him; except it wasn't Bumblebee. Too feminine.

Taking another look at his captors he recognized them as his fellow Decepticons:

Starscream - Optimus, BlackArachnia - Bumblebee. He even noticed Professor Sumdac at their feet dressed as their cranky medic. Glancing at his reflection in their optics he noticed he had bee repainted as well. Now he looked like Bulk-head.

"Who coulda…!?" he started in a rage.

"Bumblebee here says," Starscream said, ignoring the glare he received from BlackArachnia, "she caught _YOU_ and Blitzwing painting her last night."

"Me!?" Lugnut cried, "She lies! I'd never-!"

"You did last night!" The spider challenged.

"Why I outta-!" Lugnut started, but before he finished his threat he was overcome by sickness, and doubled-over, spewing Primus-knew-what out of his mouth.

The others cried and leapt out of the way. "What the frag is _that_!?" Starscream shouted with disgust.

The smell was what hinted BlackArachnia to the truth of the matter.

"Sugar and tank fuel," She said, living as a half-organic she knew the needs of most organic life for nourishment in the form of sugar. Professor Sumdac added the facts of the effects of too much sugar causing hyperactivity. They all knew what happened now and it took all they had not to go look for and destroy Blitzwing.

"Whatever happened to that bounty hunter Lockdown?" Lugnut asked suddenly.

Starscream gave him the strangest look he'd ever seen on the seeker's face, "Are you suggesting what I think you're…?"

"BlackArachnia shrugged, "We've sunk lower." She said, and it was the truth.

"Let's give him a call," Lugnut said, "I'm sure up-grades of heat and ice would make his collection complete."

The others nodded in agreement, a flash of Black and gold alerted them to Blitzwing running for his life.

Meanwhile, Megatron was still dancing.

**Author's note: **Hope you guys like this, please leave your requests for the next chapter in the form of reviews, and keep in mind that it is going to be a Halloween Special (And leave Megatron out of your requests, his part is already planned), can't wait to see your ideas!

**Editor's note: **You know, I heard an interesting fact that says laughter adds seven minutes to you're life, so if we really work at this, we can make you guys immortal… Okay, so I _did _die a couple times trying to edit this because I choked on my laughter, if anything was missed, it's totally Zaerith's fault for making this chapter so funny.


	9. Halloween Special

Halloween

**Author's note: **Reviewers **Alpha DragonWulf**, **S. Phantom**, and _Guess _are to blame for some of the content of this chapter, plus an added bonus of what Faeryl and I came up with on our own. Everyone else who made requests, I loved the ideas and had giggle fits, but just couldn't find a way to fit them in. Also joining us this chapter and hopefully staying, Mixmaster and Scrapper. They would have been in earlier, but I've only seen Season one of TFA and a few episodes of Season two, so I didn't know who they were, and was too lazy to look them up, but I just HAD to have them for this chapter, and soon you'll know why...

**Warning: **Spook-took-ular Halloween fun, mild horror, and there's a reason parts are italicized.

**Disclaimer: **TFA belongs to me. No, seriously, let me tell you an amazing story about how I saved Takara's life, and he pulled some strings for me. It all started one rainy winter's morning on the moon…

Down By the Bay

Halloween special

Halloween. Halloween was coming up. And Megatron was letting the Decepticons celebrate it. Had it not been for Blitzwing, things would have continued to operate as normal, but the triple-changer was so annoyingly fascinated by the concept, and encouraged by Professor Sumdac's nostalgic tales of trick-or-treating, Megatron had to agree to throw a party.

Or else Blitzwing would never have plugged the DDR game back in.

So for a week they had scavenged farms for decent sized pumpkins to carve and raided stores for 'spooky' decorations, invited other top job Decepticons, and even found materials to create costumes, for those who had agreed to dress up. They had a Jack-O-Lantern contest three days before Halloween, in which the winner got to choose the Halloween day activity, judged by Isaac Sumdac.

Starscream's Jack-O-Lantern lost sorely because of the seekers disinterest and refusal to go though with it and thus only getting it half-way done. Lugnut tied with Blitzwing in the fact that they both carved pumpkins that looked like they were ready to fight each other to the death. BlackArachnia's Pumpkin had the most detail, with an elaborated scene depicting a human story of the 'Wolf man'. But Megatron's ending up taking the prize for most original, and most amusing.

"The Defender" he called it, with three pumpkins stacked on top of each other, the top one carved with an angry face, two branches stuck out of the middle one like arms, and smashed bits of a forth pumpkin were splattered in front of and around it. A sign was hung around the demonic Jack-O-Lantern that said, "Private Property". So Megatron got to choose what they would do in three days.

But all he really cared about was getting his game back.

Starscream threw his Jack-O-Lantern out, Lugnut put his in his quarters, BlackArachnia and Megatron left theirs out on display and Blitzwing proceeded to carry his around like a teddy bear. The thought was annoying at first, but no one complained after they realized that it was diverting Blitzwing's attention from them.

_The day of haunts arrived and the Decepticons started to gather, all of them. Swindle came, bringing with him a bunch of Halloween songs to upload into the DDR Machine (Megatron protested at first but later welcomed the idea). Scrapper and Mixmaster arrived to everyone's surprise; the two of them were not quite welcome in their ranks just yet. LongArm Prime had created an excuse for a temporary leave from the Autobot Elite Guard, and joined them as Shockwave, bringing with him a bunch of energon sweets, even though he had no real interest in the occasion._

_A song called "This is Halloween" began to play, signifying the beginning of the party. Everyone looked at Megatron expectantly, wanting to know what the day's activities were. Megatron's optics drifted amongst their faces as he tried to think of something, only his mind kept telling him to forget them all, you're almost at 100% completion of Dance, Dance Revolution._

_"Where's Blitzwing?" He asked to break the silence and perhaps buy him some time to think. _

_"Over here sir." Came the reply, the Decepticons who had become used to Random being there dropped their jaws in shock at the sight of Cold._

_There was silence for a moment before a shrill laughter came from the triple-changer, one that did not belong to Cold. Moving his hand away Cold's face was revealed to be only a mask. "AHA HA HA! Got Zou!" He laughed holding his Jack-O-Lantern still, "Vhat do Zou zink of my costume, eh!?"_

_"Blitzwing I outta…!" BlackArachnia started but Megatron silenced her. _

_"We're starting with a costume contest!" He said silently grateful for the inspiration from Blitzwing's entrance, despite how unfair and cruel it had been. "Everyone participating go change, I'll be the judge this time." _

_ Mumbling, a few of the Decepticons started to head out to put on their costumes. On the way out Starscream bumped into Mixmaster, who fell backwards into Blitzwing, who lost his grip on his pumpkin friend. The Jack-O-Lantern went flying and smashed into the wall, dropping and spilling out onto the floor._

_"Zou Maniac!" Blitzwing cried in distress, dashing over to his fallen friend, and picking up his shattered pieces "Vhat 'ave zou done…?" he whimpered cradling the remains like a child, "Shh…Shh…Itz alright -- no, no! Dun try to talk…" He whispered reassuringly to it. _

_"Enough, Blitzwing!" Megatron shouted, "Pull yourself together and get in line for the contest!"_

_After a few minutes the line started to form. Blitzwing with his masks of his other two personalities, Starscream was dressed in a dragonfly costume, Lugnut as an old Cybertronian idol and Isaac Sumdac who wore the Ratchet costume, Blitzwing and Lugnut had made for him not too long ago. Shockwave had tried to enter the contest as LongArm, but the others had all agreed that it would be cheating and was disqualified. _

_Megatron paced back and forth along the line, trying to discern a winner out of this pathetic group of entrees. He finally decided that Lugnut's costume was both the best done and least annoying, but before he could make his decision known, looks of horror and a tap on the shoulder made him turn around. "Oh, hey Lu." He greeted the monster before him like a causal friend._

_"Megatron, Lord of the Decepticons, you have been summoned to Her Imperial Viciousness' Court of the Damned," A fiery creature said holding up an equally flaming contract "as a representative of the Jury." _

_"Again?" Megatron groaned, the monster nodded, "How long will it take?" He sighed._

_"They guy sold his soul for tickets to a football game, how long could it possibly take?" Lu replied rolling his eyes, "Now get in the hand basket and let's get going." he finished, a basket appearing with a bolt of flames in his hand._

_"No thanks." Megatron said shoving the small case away, "I'll walk."_

_The ugly demon shrugged, "Suit yourself Megs." Lu said pointing a finger at the opposite wall and a fiery doorway opened. _

_Megatron stepped towards it, but turned to the Decepticons again, "I'll be back in a bit, BlackArachnia you're in charge."_

_"WHAT!?" Starscream cried in disbelief, "But I'm second in command! I should be left in charge!" He complained but Megatron had already vanished into the inferno. His buddy Lu had not however and appeared to being wolf-whistling the half-organic robot that had been left as the leader._

_"What's cook' in, good look' in?" He said with a grin. BlackArachnia hissed and swiped at him. "Fine be that way!" Lu pouted, disappearing in a puff of hellish smoke and flame._

_Silence rang loudly in the base for a few minutes._

_Blitzwing hated silence._

_At first it was a hum, then a melodious mummer and finally, "Down by ze bay, vere ze vatermelon grow, back to my home, I dare not go--"_

_"_Don't_ start that!" Starscream snapped. Blitzwing whined_

_"All contestants line up again," BlackArachnia shouted, "We're staring with the costume contest again."_

_"Wait a minute!" Starscream shouted back. "_I'm_ second in command and _I_ saw we should change activities!"_

_"But Megatron left _me_ in charge," the spider answered with a smug tone, "and so were doing as _I_ say."_

_"I refuse!" Starscream barked._

_"Then leave."_

_The seeker transformed and took off, looking more like a dragonfly in this form then in robot mode. In his absence BlackArachnia declared Lugnut the winner, drawing the same conclusion that Megatron had. The next activity was 'bobbing of Energon goodies' and the DDR Machine was playing 'The Time Warp'. While Swindle had gotten his apple quickest Blitzwing was trying to one-up him by bobbing multiple apples into his exceedingly wide mouth._

_He was on his third try when a piercing scream sounded though the halls._

_For some reason everyone dropped what they were doing to see what was up. Peculiar behavior for Decepticons… They rushed though the halls to the source of the scream, and what do you know, it was Starscream._

_The seeker was suspended in the air, no; he was caught in a web. BlackArachnia stepped forward with an evil grin, "My, my, looks like the spider's caught the fly…" she said with darkness in her voice that shouldn't have existed._

_"Very funny," Starscream blurted though his struggling, "you've made your point, now get me down!"_

_"I don't think so." She answered jumping up into her web next to him._

_Blitzwing wanted to ask what she was doing but suddenly a hand grasped his shoulder in a tight grip. He jumped and turned around, finding himself face to face with Mixmaster. Before he could sigh in relief however, he noticed there was something _very_ wrong, not just with the bot who clasped his shoulder but with everyone._

_"ZOMBIES!" He shrieked. He turned around to warn BlackArachnia but found her biting Starscream's neck and mot in a playful way either, one that caused the seeker to howl in evident agony. _

_Starscream's optics went black for a few seconds, and then lit up again with a darker, purplish color to them._

_"Great!" Blitzwing moaned, "Zo now zou're a _vampire_ on top of being a freak!" _

_"Silence, you're next!" BlackArachnia snapped, and then she turned to the horde of motionless zombies at Blitzwing's back "Seize him!" She ordered, and they obeyed._

_"Let go!" he screamed and used the heated missiles that his Angry personality was equipped with to blast them away, and into pieces. But they were zombies, the moment he thought he was safe Blitzwing saw that they had survived and were putting themselves back together._

_Frightened, he transformed into Cold's jet-mode, ever thankful that he had convinced his other two parts to scan both the tank and the jet._

_"After him!" He heard BlackArachnia shout and Blitzwing knew if he dared look back he would find an entranced Starscream on his tail. _

_Blitzwing tried to shake him, but the Seeker (even though he was now undead) was faster than him, and soon the triple-changer was trapped waiting for the rest of the zombies to catch up. Ironically, Blitzwing could hear Megatron's DDR Machine playing 'Monster Mash', only a few rooms away._

_"I want first bite..." Starscream beseeched his queen upon her arrival. _

_"Very well then," She replied, "consider it your reward for not having failed me, as you have done so many others."_

_Starscream took a predatory step closer, running his glossa over his thin metal lips. "It will only hurt an instant." He promised. _

Blitzwing woke with a shout, grasping his neck in a panic to protect it. It took him a few moments to realize that there was nothing to protect it from. Just a dream…?

How anti-climatic.

A new thought popped into his head, what if he had passed out, and Starscream had bitten him when there would have been no struggle. Blitzwing leaped up (out of his birth, he noted) and ran out of his quarters to check on everyone.

No one was in their chambers, panic filled him as he checked empty upon empty rooms, until he came to the main computer room, even with the light out he could see familiar figures within. He almost cried with relief at the sight of Starscream, Lugnut, and BlackArachnia, sitting on the floor together in a circle, listening to Mixmaster and Scrapper tell them ghost stories they'd heard from when they were nothing more than machines in the mines. Blitzwing checked his central computer units for the date.

October 29. Two days left until Halloween. Heaving a sigh he entered so he could listen to the stories too.

"And they say the six fingered man is still down there," Scrapper almost giggled "looking for his missing hand…"

"And they say also say that he attacks the unwary, steals their hands to compensate for the one stolen from him…" Mixmaster added.

"And then he kills them." His buddy finshed.

BlackArachnia gave and unenthusiastic applause, while Lugnut yawned.

"That was _stupid_!" Starscream complained, "_I_ could come up with more freighting things in my _sleep_! In fact why don't you start another so I can fall asleep to i-Gahhhh!!!" Starsceams' shout became muffled and other yelps of surprise filled the room as everyone bolted trying to find the lights.

When they did comeback on everyone laughed.

"Did I scare you?" Megatron purred in a fake Transylvanian accent that went with the Vampire costume he was making, holding Starscream close to him and covering his mouth with a hand.

"Mm-hmm..." Came Starscream's muffled reply as he nodded his head under Megatron's immense black hand. If those weren't tears leaking from Starscream's optics, Blitzwing didn't know what they were.

Blitzwing coughed to get their attention, there was something he wanted to say. "Z'know, I've been zinking…" he said and ignored BlackArachnia's question about it hurting, "Maybe a Halloveen party izn't such a goot idea afterall."

A cheer rose up from them.

"So they can stop telling those stupid ghost stories?!" Starscream cried delightedly, pushing Megatron's hand away from his mouth.

Megatron released him and put his hand on his hips, "You shouldn't speak so lightly of the undead," He scolded, "you might make them mad." He added with maniacal laughter that caused everyone to stare at him like he was insane, which few doubted he was. "As it is they are undead and cannot actually harm anyone because they are not real." He continued turning and facing seemingly no one, "but there are plenty of things that can on Halloween. Remember when you go Trick-or-Treating, not to go into anyone's house, and have your parents check your candy for drugs and needles. Have a safe Holiday, happy Halloween everyone!"

"Who are you talking to?" Starscream asked ready to claim that his leader was no longer fit to, well, be the leader.

"Talking to?" Megatron turned back to him questioningly, "I wasn't talking, let alone to anybody."

"You were to!" Starscream shouted.

"No I wasn't!" Megatron retorted.

"Can't remember saying anything, huh?" a new voice said suddenly, everyone turned to see who it was. "Looks like I got here just in time." Blitzwing squeaked.

Lockdown had arrived.

**Author's end note: **Mwaha, Blitzy had a Nightmare, that's going to be a bit of a focus in the next sub-chapter, just so you know. Because of my sister (other sister, not Faeryl) I can't get the image of the Dinobots doing The Time Warp outta my head, it was all I could do not to put it in here, but of course that would have required me to come up with a reasonable explanation for the d-bots' presence, and getting her permisson, since it was her idea not mine… How long do you guys think Lockdown is going to last? I have a plan for the next chapter, all I need from you guys this week is suggestions on Pranks for Blitzwing to pull. Any ideas? ...Beuller? ...Beuller? (Kudos points if you get that last joke)

**Editor's note: **Okay, just so you guys know, I'm kinda sick right now so if there are any mistakes, I'm truly sorry. Also we are not kidding about those prank ideas, we want EVERYONE to pitch in on this one… Funny fact: The thing with Blitzwing and the Jack-O-Lantern was based on something I actually did, 'Don't try to talk' and everything.

Happy Halloween from Both of us!


	10. Sub Chapter 2

**Author's note: **Not relevant to the next chapter, but something I wanted to have clarified about the relationships between Blitzwing's personalities and Random's real thoughts about his missing halves.

**Warning: **Slight angst and impeding doom.

**Disclaimer: **I lived a day in the life of one of Hasbro's top TFA managers, (I don't remember what his name was), and it was awesome, I really think they might use one of my ideas…unless that was just a dream. Do Hasbro employees get their own private jets…?

Down By the Bay

Subchapter 2

Forlorn

Blitzwing curled up in his birth unable to relax into recharge. He'd canceled the Halloween party on a basis that he'd had a nightmare. Normally a bad dream wouldn't have stopped him from doing anything, but this time was different. This time Cold and Angry weren't here to comfort him.

Well, comfort wasn't really the right word. Cold would usually dismiss his nightmare as foolish and absurd, and then precede to logic away the impossibilities of the dream till it was nothing but a bunch of twisted make-believes. Angry would just beat the fear out of him. At the time Random thought of them as insensitive for not _actually_ comforting him as Passionate Blitzwing had done before Angry had… 'Eliminated the competition', but right now he longed for that more than anything.

And now more then ever he really wanted them back too, because of the Bounty-Hunter the others had called for. They only called Lockdown because they were sick of him, he thought, they missed the others. It wasn't that he_ meant_ to cause so much trouble, it was in his programming to be obnoxious, but he was more so now more then ever because…

Because he was _lonely_. Fine he admitted it! At first having complete control over their shared body had been fun for Random, but as the days that Cold and Angry were absent increased he found himself missing them a little. And after his nightmare there was no questioning it.

What happened to them? Did they miss him too? Were they ever coming back?

His fellow Decepticons were no substitute for them either. Alright, Megatron and Angry were pretty similar, and BlackArachnia was like a female Cold with a bitching problem.

He needed something to take him mind off this. He didn't get depressed; he was Random! He was always ready with a smile and a joke, with the possibility of a prank to finish the routine! If he got depressed it would be out of character for him!

He got up and went over to the door opening it to see if he could find a distraction.

Cle-kic.

"Back in the room, Glitchy." Lockdown growled pushing him back with a sword he'd added to his collection of up-grades.

"I only vant-" Lockdown didn't let him finish.

He was picked up and thrown back in. After Blitzwing recovered from his landing he bolted upright and tried again to get out of his quarters. Two more times he was dumped on his head.

"_Stay_." The Bounty-Hunter ordered, "I'm losing recharge because of you."

"Zou losing recharge?" Blitzwing cried with slight surprise, "Iz zat vhat zis iz about?"

"I'm not destroying you until I see what kind of up-grads I'll get, so unless you want to show me now I'm waiting till morning. Until then you're staying were you can't get away from me." Lockdown explained bordering on threatened.

_It iz vhat zis is about!_ Blitzwing pouted, as the Bounty-Hunter shut the door on him for the third time that night. "Vell, if zat's how e's going to be, zen I'm game if e's game."He muttered to himself.

_ Cry havoc and let lose ze hounds of Var! _

**Author's end note: **You read that right, Blitzwing just declared war on Lockdown. I need pranks people; I want the next chapter to be the best one yet! (PRANKS, I NEEDS PRANKS!) By the way, somebody sent me a private message that I accidently deleted and now I can't remember who it was. If it was you, please just say it was in your next review and what you wanted to say (incase I delete it again ^^ ;)

**Editor's note: **We are not shitting about this, we need pranks, anything you guys can come up with. Anything from the classic chicken feather prank to just plain outrageous singing will do so long as it's something for us to work with please. Also, the next chapter may not be posted this week since it is planned to be a slightly longer chapter and we'll need more time to work on it, don't be angry though, we're trying our hardest for you guys.


	11. Whose side are you on?

**Author's note: ** (Apologies for not updating last week I was sick and asleep all week) Change of plan, originally I was just going to have a chapter centered on Blitzwing pranking Lockdown into submission but that changed when I saw my new reviews, I'm disappointed. Disappointed that there wouldn't be enough room in _one_ chapter for _half_ the FANTASTIC pranks you guys suggested (Seriously you guys are made of win, epic win) and so the whole prank thing will be a bit of a story ark continuing for a couple of chapters. This chapter's plot credited to all reviewers, y'all are awesome, I'm trying to fit in as many as possible, and I hope you can keep up the good work ^^.

**Warnings: **Tis the beginning my friends, the beginning… -insert maniacal laughter- One request was to have "Oogie Boogie Song" play, I'm using that idea, I have never actually seen the movie, I've heard the song though (eons ago), but I can't find lyrics anywhere! T-T. So I'm doing it from memory. Apologies if the scene seems short and the lines are wrong.

**Disclaimer: **Characters are owned by HasTak, pranks belong to the ages.

Down by the Bay

Whose side are you on?

Megatron's initial reaction to finding out that the others had called a bounty-hunter to get rid of their pesky triple-changer was anger. They had neither consulted him nor got his consent, _he_ was the leader; he should have been informed on everything happening in his base! However the issue was dismissed when he got his game plugged back in and he continued on his challenge to get a perfect score on every level.

Megatron followed the directions on the screen in front of him, level fifteen and beyond were the toughest ones, but he was getting the hang of it. To help further his success rate he chanted the direction of the arrows as they hit the monitor. "Left, right, down, left, left, up, left, right, down, left, up-!?!"

The screen went blank before his optics. Shouting a mix of surprise and devastation the Decepticon Dance Lord rapidly hit the reset button multiple times, but the screen did not return.

"You're spending too much time on that game, Lord Megatron." Lockdown said from behind him, Megatron turned around and saw the bounty-hunter waving the cord of the game in the air.

That Fragger, he unplugged it!

"Put that _back_." Megatron growled threateningly, he was not going to let his perfect score be ripped away from him like so many of his other dreams.

"I told you," Lockdown continued, "You're spending too much time on it. Do you have any idea how long it's been since you got it? How about what all your warriors activities? For the love of Primus Megatron, when was the last time you recharged!?" he shot the game station to make sure Megatron couldn't just plug it back in.

Megatron did not answer the bounty-bounty hunter's questions. He barely even acknowledged them; his only thought were on the high scores he had lost and now never would regain. He bellowed an inner scream.

"Starscream has practically taken over your room, declaring himself leader, even though Lugnut is actually the one that everyone listens to. BlackArachnia has claimed the entire west half of the base as her domain, and she has even got webs all over the place, it looks like that cave in Lord of the Rings over there! Mixmaster and Scrapper are _drunk all the time_, Swindle keeps trying to sell me some fleshbag's _liver_, and those humans that Swindle used to work with, the SUV guys, have invaded and are the only things keeping Professor Sumdac from escaping!" He almost yelled.

Megatron heard the ensuing chaos and a small part of him was insulted at the behavior of his minions, but the voice telling him to do something was being drowned out by the music from his DDR game.

"You need to take back command before this entire army falls apar-"

"Luckdawn!" slurred a very drunk Scrapper from the doorway panting and pointing down the hall, "Your… thingy…what-ever-you-call-it, ma-jig is… on fire!... Jus 'so ya… know- hey Megatron!" The mech giggled seeing Megatron off it for the first time since he and his buddy Mixmaster had arrived.

"What!?" Lockdown cried, obviously knowing what Scrapper was talking about, "It's that stupid Blitzwing again! He's been out to get me ever since I got here!" He growled, stalking over towards the door, "When I get my servos on that pathetic over-excited little fragger I'm gonna- Wahhh!!!"

Apparently while he had been talking to Megatron the 'pathetic over excited little fragger' and taken the liberty to put a trip wire in the door way. Lockdown tumbled forward past Scrapper, who laughed his aft off at the display of grace, and continued into a conveniently place barrel of grease, landing head first into it.

Pulling himself out his vocal processors cried bloody murder, "I'll kill that Fragger!"

Blitzwing's laughter was heard as some strange substance fell on the enraged bounty-hunter from above. Scrapper's laugh grew louder as he doubled over at the sight of Lockdown smothered in chicken feathers and glitter.

Engines flared and the Triple-changer blasted by cackling like a maniac "Catch me if zou can!" he challenged.

"I'll get you!" Lockdown transformed and sped after him, trying in vain to catch the fighter jet.

As Scrapper proceeded to roll around on the floor Megatron's only thought was on this lost high scores. "Vendetta…" he whispered to no one, and he processed the prank which had been played before him and he lips formed into a malicious grin. "Vendetta!" He cried jumping over the trip wire and trying to track Blitzwing in his own alt-mode.

"Got 'im!" Blitzwing cried triumphantly as he entered the room.

Swindle applauded, and the members of SUV laughed. "I hope we see him before he gets the mind to wash that stuff off." They whispered amongst themselves.

"Vhat next?" Blitzwing asked excitedly bouncing over to Swindle and their carefully laid plans.

"We wanna see Lockdown painted like a Sugar Plummer Fairy!" Professor Princess giggled, "Don't we Powered Sugar?" she added patting the unicorn's head.

"No," Nano-Sec said shaking his head, "let's go for the classic 'water balloon slingshot' prank; that was my favorite when I was a kid."

The humans argued about the next prank while Swindle and Blitzwing considered their options. A knock came at the door. The room went silent. Had Lockdown found them out?

"Open the door!" Came Megatron's booming voice through the wall. The humans looked nervously at each other; they'd never met Megatron in person only seen him dance masterfully across the DDR platform and heard horror stories about his cruelty. Swindle and Blitzwing also exchanged uneasy looks; Lockdown had probably finally tattled and gotten Megatron to put an end to it. "I _know_ you're in there Blitzwing, now OPEN THIS DOOR!!!"

The triple-changer looked helplessly at his companions for any kind of alterative, but to no avail, he had to let Megatron in. He slowly crossed the room and opened the door a creak, which then busted open as Megatron shoved his way in as slammed the door behind him.

"Are you planning another prank on Lockdown?" He demanded.

"Vhat?" Blitzwing asked confusedly.

"Are you planning another prank on Lockdown!?" The Decepticon Lord repeated.

Blitzwing looked from Megatron to the others behind him, unsure of what to say, "Uhh…Yes?" He answered.

"I want in! What are we doing?" Megatron declared.

"W-what? You want in?" Swindle stuttered, "Um, sure! We, uh, don't quite have a plan yet, but we're-"

"No plan? How about this?" Megatron interrupted and told the newly formed team about the trick he'd been planning since he'd left the DDR room.

Grins formed on everyone's faces. Genius! No wonder this guy was the leader!

"We're going to need an obscure hideout and time to build it." Swindle said, "I can get the parts we need, and you guys can get the ingredients right?" He added nodding to the humans.

"It'll be a piece of cake." Slow-mo answered, and they all laughed at her unintentional pun.

"I'll lure him zere." Blitzwing contributed.

"And _I'll_ make sure he stays unaware of any of this." Megatron finished. With a grin he added "And I can get Lugnut to help with the labor."

"Art thou sure?" the Angry Archer asked, unsure about this 'Lugnut's' liability.

"Oh, pleaze," Blitzwing said, "Lugnut iz a trained lap dawg. If Megatron tellz 'im to jump off ze brige, e'll do it wit' out question!"

"Then let's get started." Megatron ordered, "There's another mine about fifteen miles from here that we can use to hatch our little plan."

The humans and robots nodded. It began.

Lockdown paced back and forth. It had been quiet. Too quiet. Blitzwing was certainly up to something, but the triple-changer had not made any movements since he'd crammed a rubber duckie between some armor plating on his back. Every time he moved his arms there was an undignified _squeak_, which, since he had a habit of swinging his arms when he walked, made it impossible to roam about without lowering his head in embarrassment. And too make matters worse he was _still_ finding glitter on his body! The stuff just didn't wash away!

_Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak._

He folded his arms. The squeaking ceased. He heaved a sigh of relief and continued pacing. Lockdown pondered why Blitzwing hadn't been seen recently, Megatron would not allow him to search either, and none of the SUV members had been seen lately, though there had been a recent crime wave, seems that bakery's and groceries store's around the city of Detroit had been robbed.

Suspicious…

But Lockdown had no evidence to tie the bakery theft and Blitzwing together. In frustration he lifted his arms in the air, but before he could shout his annoyance a squeak from the toy lodged in his back plates forced him to pull them back down. There was a connection, he knew it, and he just had to figure out what it was before Blitzwing made his next move.

Too late…

At first Lockdown didn't notice the song that had started to play on the intercom. In fact, he didn't notice until it he realized that it was playing for a fifth time.

_"He's ancient! He's ugly!" _the singer repeated, Lockdown looked around suspiciously. This had to be some kind of joke Blitzwing was playing to annoy him again!

"Come out!" He yelled breaking into a jog to search the base for the triple-changing prankster. Much to his everlasting shame, as he ran his back plates squished the rubber duckie and his steps were trailed by a constant peep.

There was no response other then the continuous verse of _"I'm the Oogie Boogie Man!"_

"I said come out!" Lockdown shouted, "I know you're around here some where!"

_"I'm the Oogie Boogie Man! Yeah, I'm the Oogie Boogie man!__** I'm ze Oogie Boogah mahn!"**_

__Lockdown swirled around and came face-to-face with the Jack-O-Lantern grin that Blitzwing was known for. "BOO!" Blitzwing shouted waving his hands in front of the bounty-hunter's face, causing said bounty-hunter to jump backwards.

"Hoo, wah ha, ha!" Blitzwing laughed and transformed into his jet-mode. "Catch me if zou can!" he shouted, it appeared to be his new favorite catch-phrase.

(No pun intended.)

"GRRRR!" Lockdown cried leaping up and transforming after him. "COME BACK HEEEEERRRREEEE!!!"

He followed Blitzwing through the base, past a sleeping BlackArachnia (who was not at all happy about being so rudely awakened), almost hit Starscream (who decided he didn't like being a speed bump and followed BlackArachnia in a chase after both of them), between Mixmaster, Scrapper and their oil, knocking the drink over causing it to spill across the floor (with a devastated cry the two workers joined the hunt), and out of the base, driving though wilderness that usually made him lose his quarry. But for some reason he managed to keep up with the crazed Decepticon. Before he'd met the triple-changer, Lockdown would have immediately realized that Blitzwing was going slow on purpose, to lure him into a trap, but that was the old Lockdown.

This new one was full of rage!

Blitzwing led him deep into the woods and past the hideout a few times, just to add suspense. After finally tiring of his game the jet flew into the cave which led into a series of tunnels. He flew safely over what he knew was booby-trapped and waited at the exit for the magic moment.

Turning though one of the passageways, Lockdown found grease covered the ground. He slammed his breaks, but it was too late! He slipped uncontrollably down a marked path to his doom, transforming didn't help, as he was soon to realize it only made things worse.

"NOW!" Blitzwing cried and Lockdown slid into the room crying like a babe. At his signal Slow-mo pushed a button and Blitzwing jumped into the air, transforming just before a Decepticon sized pumpkin pie flew out of a machine and splattered against Lockdown's face. The pie was then followed by a muffin, then a cake, and all kinds of pastries.

Above, Megatron looked down, a chuckle rumbling in the back of his throat. The idea was a little ridiculous, he realized, but the results were hilarious, totally worth acting like an idiot over. He saw Lockdown glance up, noticing him, Blitzwing, Swindle and Lugnut. As the other three doubled over laughing at the expression on the bounty-hunter's face before it was covered again by pie (this time apple), Megatron merely smirked and waved to him. A slow taunting wave.

"Reload!" Nano-Sec cried when the bombardment of pastries ended, the laughing robots put more backed goods on the machine, "Fire!"

And so it began again.

Yes, Megatron thought, the prank was ridiculous, but what could be expected from a leader that only cared about letting a bounty-hunter who destroyed his game get his just desserts?

(Pun intended)

After what seemed like an eternity of humiliation, Lockdown was allowed out of the mine. Whether it was because his captors had finally gotten bored of his torment, they'd run out of pastries, or the machine had broken down, he didn't know, he was just glad it was over.

He sauntered slowly though the tunnels grimacing in shame at his appearance and the undignified squeaks that continued from the rubber duckie in his back, and all but ran into Mixmaster. Startled his mind raced to come up with a less embarrassing explanation for the desserts that caked his body, but the construction worker spoke before he had time to think of something.

"We saw what happened." Mixmaster said, ('_We'?_) Lockdown then noticed Scrapper, Starscream and BlackArachnia also approaching him. Sweet Primus did the disgrace never end!?

"That was low." Starscream said.

"Uncool." Scrapper added.

The spider transformed into her bipedal mode. A revolting sight, Lockdown thought, as metal and matter squished together, bending and twisting in the most disgusting looking ways. Finally in robot (if she could be called that) mode the half-organic stepped forward, "That was unfair and uncalled for, luring you in there like that." she said putting a hand on his shoulder.

Lockdown shoved in away, "I don't need your pity!" He cried, wanting only to be left alone.

"Pity?" Starscream started, "Pity, no, our help, you might find worth it.

"What?" Lockdown asked turning his gaze to land on all of them, "What do you mean?"

"Revenge," BlackArachnia answered putting her hands on her hips, "you're not just going to let them get away with this, are you?"

"And whether you want us to or not," Scrapper finished, "_we_ are going to help you."

Lockdown glared at them, but then the pastries began flying though his memories. Revenge, it was such a beautiful word, he decided. "What do you have in mind?" he asked.

"Don't know quite yet." Starscream said, "But that is what will make it sweeter, won't it?" He added putting his hand in the center of the circle they had unconsciously formed.

Mixmaster and Scrapper put their hand on top of his, and BlackArachnia on theirs. The three of them looked expectantly at Lockdown. Hesitating a moment, the bounty-hunter considered how strange it would be to work with a team, he put his hand into the circle.

"Payback time." He said.

And thus a new alliance was born.

**Author's End Note: **In case you're laughing too hard to understand what just happened in this chapter, the Decepticons have just broke out into a Civil War of Pranks! For this to continue we will need pranks that can be pulled off as a group and team names. Suggest a name, in the next sub-chapter (Staring Angry and Cold), Faeryl and I will list our favorites and you guys can vote on names. Also, dear readers, I have a little request, I posted two stories that I think are some of my best works, but they only have one review each, both anonymous, and one (Not to name names) missed a really important point I had in the fic. My request is that some of you read and review for my fics _Reassuring words_ and _Only One Wish_, please, I need to have more feed back on them! Thanks.

**Editor's note: **If any of you are still conscious, give yourselves big hugs for me for all your great ideas (Leave more in your reviews), and to prove that you love me and Zaerith-chan, I also dare you to try to lick your elbow.


	12. Sub chapter 3

**Author's note: **As I promised, more Angry and Cold, We love you Boys! Don't give up!

**Warning: **Angry gets a warning all to himself

**Disclaimer: **-Insert here and while you at it get me a large peppermint mocha-

Down By the Bay

Subchapter 3

Not according to plan…

After almost suffocating Cold to the point where the icy personality passed out, Angry thought better of actually _killing_ him. He was claustrophobic, and being alone would do nothing for his comfort. Besides Angry didn't have the spark to kill a part of himself again. He never _meant_ to kill Passionate, scare and hurt him, yes, but not _kill_, it was an accident.

So instead he waited for Cold to wake up again. Primus it was taking a while. Angry started to actually worry that he _had_ killed Cold, but to his relief Cold started to make noises and come around. To punish him for scaring him like that, Angry bopped Cold in the head with enough force to make him pass out again.

Cold remained unconscious for the entire 'Halloween' thing that Random was so excited about, and even bore witness to the jittery personality's nightmare. Angry shook Cold awake, his was something new.

"Vhat are ve going to do?" he asked.

"Vhat can ve do?" Cold replied, "E's a youngling trapped in ze body of an adult transformer, vithout ze only comfort e's evah known. Ve can't evan reach im."

"Zat Nightmare's gonna make him panic, and zou know vhat vill happen when he panics."

Cold nodded. "Ve ave to get to im."

However, the problem solved itself when the Bounty-Hunter brought Random back to his senses with the classic fight-or-flight, reaction. Cold and Angry sat and watched as prank after prank was pulled on Lockdown. And then the miracle of Megatron's mischief. It appeared Random was rubbing off on those around him.

Watching Lockdown being pelted with pastries finally got them. Cold and Angry both doubled over laugh hysterically at the scene before them. They laughed so hard they couldn't breathe. Their laughter echoed around their mind and then…

It ceased suddenly.

"Vere Zou jus' laughing?" Cold asked.

Had robots the ability to blush, Angry would have turned the color of a cherry blossom. "N-no, of course not!"

Cold smiled slightly and zeroed in on him, "Yes zou vere!"

"So Vere ZOU!" Angry countered.

At this Cold would have been a nice plum shade, "N-no I vasn't."

"Uh-huh!"

"I vastn't laughing." Cold insisted, "Neither of us vere." He offered his had for the other personality to shake.

"Agreed." Angry answered taking Cold's hand and squeezing hard enough to crush the proffered hand. That never happened.

They watched Random congratulate his teammates on their victory, the humans, worthless as they appeared, certainly proved themselves with this little stunt and were happily taking praise. Megatron, Lugnut, and Swindle were already making plans for their next assault.

Angry took a glance at Cold. His visor hid his optics so the intelligent Blitzwing didn't know he was being observed. He hated to admit it, but Random's absence was starting to effect him to. He could help but think about the last thing he and Random had discussed while Cold was the dominate personality.

_"Zay angry! If Cold vere ice cream, vhat do zou zink e'd taste like?"_

The question was, well, random, but as Angry looked at Cold he found himself matching flavors to the color of Cold's paint.

"_Purple…grape…Black, zat is black licorice no doubt…tan…tan…tan vould either be coffee or toffee…toffee sounds better. Blue for 'is face…Blue raspberry-Nein! Not blue Raspberry, cool mint!_

Angry suddenly turned away from Cold and made a face. Yuck! If Cold tasted like that he's be terrible ice cream. The very thought made Angry want to pummel both himself and Cold. Carefully considering this thought, he decided he'd rather save his energy to beat up Random when he finally got the chance.

"Zomezing vrong?" Cold asked.

Angry looked back at him and shook his head. He fixed his gaze on the monitor and tried to concentrate on what the purpose of the next prank would be…

_I vonder if I could svap Cold's paint job for a better flavor…_

**Author's end note:** -Snickers- I think Angry has a sweet tooth. Yeah, a little weird towards the end, but I've been sick, this is what comes from me being sick. Love you all; don't forget to give me group pranks. At the time of writing this there have only been THREE reviews and only TWO of them suggested names, I've taken the liberty too use both for the names so no voting (Names are being kept secret till the new chapter).

**Editor's note: **Yeah, if more people had given us names to work with we woulda had a vote, but since this is not the case you'll have to live with what _was_ given to us.


	13. The Wonderful World of War

**Author's note:** (Posted early because I don't think I'll have time tomorrow) Being sick has screwed up my schedule, I would have updated _last _week, but I had Thanksgiving break, and was with out a computer for a week, so apologies, I hope nobody's gotten tired of waiting. And to **Mackinator**, I would love to see a picture of Passionate Blitzwing I don't have a real design for him other than that his face is green (not sea-sick green, but about the same color as Bulk-Head's paint job), go nuts, your design might make the final result (Y'see, lack of design is why Passionate has only been mentioned offhand). Love ya'll don't die laughing.

**Warning:** Decepticon Civil War, who could ask for more?

**Disclaimer:** I only own bad puns.

Down by the Bay

The Wonderful World of War

**Captain's log:** Day 14 of Operation Crazy Vengeance Plan.

_I, Lockdown, believe that the trap is ready, and while Blitzwing and his team of oddities (Including a now mentally unstable Megatron) continue to unleash prank after prank they are unaware of my brilliant plan…okay, __**Scrapper's**__ brilliant plan, I've just been doing the dirty work. Dirty work, yes, but it will all be worth it once we get them. Totally, completely, inevitably, absolutely worth it-dsf jknbfrjnvdl;kbnvpaifgde_

Lockdown looked at the entry that had been ruined a week ago by Blitzwing and the SUV. They had some how managed to sneak passed security (Or maybe Scrapper and Mixmaster had fallen asleep on duty _again_), and dumped super glue all across his computer keys. He could still navigate the mainframe, but he could no longer make changes or add anything.

And rereading some of his journals Lockdown noticed how crazy he sounded. Perhaps that was what Megatron was feeling, but the former bounty-hunter (_former_ meaning he canceled all his appointments in favor of this prank) was just too angry to let this go.

"Lockdown!" Starscream called "Its ready!"

"Let's get to it." he growled in response. Finally after long days of planning the perfect prank vengeance would be theirs

Step1: Open file

Step2: Initiate virus

Step3: Laugh as Blitzwing and others go insane while "They're Coming to Take me Away" song plays in their head over and over and over and over and over and over and….

Lockdown smiled, this would be sweet, that song drove him nuts just one time around he could not wait to see it in action. "Open file." He ordered.

"_I'll_ give the commands!" Starscream interjected. He pointed at one of the Constructicons, "Scrapper! Open the file!"

'Scrapper' looked up, "I'm _Mixmaster_." He corrected

"Whatever! Just open the file!" The seeker snapped

"Which one is it?"

"The one labeled 'Crazy Plan'!" BlackArachnia shouted pointing over Mixmaster's shoulder to the file, and taking control of the computer.

"Don't touch anything!" Lockdown shouted at her, "Scrapper _you_ do it.

"Do what?" Scrapper replied as Mixmaster once again had to correct their identities.

"Honestly, it's not _that_ hard to tell us apart, we hardly look anything alike." He complained as he opened the file.

BlackArachnia glared at Lockdown. If she didn't know any better she would say he wasn't letting her do anything. Aw well, the file was opening and now things would end.

'_Opening file Crazy Plan.'_ the computer said monotonously _'Reading file. Uploading, 10%. 15%. 30% jkhjisgrtr…'_

"Now what's happening!?" Lockdown shouted as the computer pixeled up into nothing.

_'Deleting files'_ the computer answered, returning to a normal screen_ 'Operation Crazy Plan deleted, moving on to system maintenance, deleting files, 10%. 15%. 30% 46%'_

"No! Nononononononono!!!" Lockdown cried in a panic hitting button after button trying to stop the deletion. That had his job reference on it!

_'Files deleted 75%. 87%. 91%.'_

BlackArachnia looked around nervously trying to find some way to stop it, her eyes caught Lockdown's optics, he was glaring at her. What? Why was her glaring at her, did he think that this way _her _fault!?!

_'96%. 100%, memory blank'_

Things went quiet a moment as shock silenced everyone, but the stillness did not last long. Suddenly the computer boomed out again.

_'Just Kidding! Files restored, have a nice day!'_

Relief lasted just as long as the silence had, because the moment they began their prank again the computer screen was infiltrated by a bunch of dancing pixel Blitzwings singing "Tee hee hee! Caught zou! Tee hee hee! Caught zou!"

"I'LL KILL THAT FRAGGER!!!" Lockdown cried throwing Scrapper's can of oil at the computer monitor. Much to Scrapper's dismay.

"I was going to drink that…"

"Tee hee hee! Caught zou! Tee hee hee! Caught zhooouuuuuuu…."The Blitzwings vanished of the cracked screen.

"Might I offer a suggestion?" BlackArachnia offered, but it appeared that Lockdown was ignoring her. "Lockdown? Lockdown! LOCKDOWN!!!"

Not getting any attention the spider rolled her eyes and called Scrapper over. She whispered her proposal to him and he relayed the message with Lockdown listening to every word, thinking it once again Scrapper's idea, rather that BlackArachnia's.

"All right new plan!" Lockdown called, "Gather round this shouldn't take long. Lock'n'Load people we haven't got all day.

She glared at him again, her lips twitched with malice. There was only one way to deal with this…

"It vorked!"

Cheers went up among the BB Bombers. A newly formed faction of Decepticons made up of both man and machine just for the purpose of making Lockdown suffer.

"What does 'BB' stand for?" Megatron once asked.

"Uh… nutzing! Just sounds cool." Blitzwing replied.

The answer was convincing so Megatron did not press the matter, much to Blitzwing's relief. He couldn't let his band of Bay Buddy Bombers break up because of a dispute over names. Blitzwing giggled with pride and quietly hummed to the tune of his favorite song.

"Alright," Megatron ordered, "Let's give them a taste of their own medicine! That _is_ how the saying goes right?" he asked the humans who nodded vigorously, excited at their upcoming prank provided by Lockdown himself when Blitzwing and Professor Princess caught a peek at his plans the day they dumped super glue on his computer.

"Opening file" Nano-Sec reported. "Initiating virus."

_'You are not authorized to issue this demand'_ the computer warned, _'please enter username and password.'_

"Ugghh." Megatron groaned, maybe so much security on his personal files was a bad idea. Without uttering a word he typed in his username and password.

_'Processing'_ the computer said and an hourglass appeared on screen, suddenly a warning popped up. _'Error! Access was denied because username and/or password was invalid on the domain. Try again? Cancel? Help?' _

Megatron straightened, "That's weird." He said tapping in his password again. "Must have misspelled it."

_'Error! Access was denied because username and/or password was invalid on the domain. Try again? Cancel? Help?' _the computer said again.

Growling Megatron tried again.

_'Error! Access was denied because username and/or password was invalid on the domain. Try again? Cancel? Help?' _

Three more times Megatron retyped his password and username. It was impossible that it was still not being accepted. Had he changed his password and forgotten about it? Maybe, he did have a habit of changing passwords and instantly forgetting them.

_'Error! Access was denied because username and/or password was invalid on the domain .Give it up Megsy! Try again and fail again? Give up? Whine?' _

He froze. Did the computer just_ mock_ him? Starscream's laughter echoed as his image appeared on screen. "Got'cha!" He chuckled, "We team Lock'n'Load, have had enough of your fooling around Megatron, time for payback!"

"You idiot!" Lockdown shouted appearing next to Starscream, "You shouldn't have told him that! Now they'll _expect_ us to keep going!"

"Quiet you! _I_ lead this team _I_ decide when we tell who what!"

"Why, I outta!!!" Lockdown shouted jumping on Starscream and wrapping his hand around the seeker's throat.

They both vanished off-screen and tell-tale noises of fighting continued. Megatron turned the monitor off. There was silence only a moment before everyone burst into gut-busting laughter.

"Team Lock'n'Load, huh?" Megatron chocked out, "What exactly do they think they're going to do to us?"

"Yes." Slow-mo added "We have the advantage, Megatron, Blitzwing, Lugnut _and_ Swindle! Two great minds put together, the muscle of this army, and a guy who has the connections to get us everything we need."

"And a mole in Team Lock'n'Load too, apparently." Swindle said approaching with a piece of paper in hand.

"A Vhat?" Blitzwing asked.

"A mole." Swindle repeated, "Someone on the inside slipping us information" Swindle then read the note aloud:

"To who ever leads your stupid team,

Do not repeat this information where the boys can hear, but I am sick of how they treat me. Team Lock'n'Load are planning to send a virus that will not allow Megatron on to his computer with out the correct password (Mind you it's Fluffpants; where they got such a stupid idea I'll never know). Allow me onto you're side and I'll keep you posted on Lock'n'Load's stupid plans. If you accept my terms reply by leaving a note labeled 'Getbackers' on your desktop. I can hack in easily enough.

Love,

Your friendly neighborhood Mole."

"How do we know this is not a trick?" Lugnut asked.

"Only one way to find out." Megatron answered restarting his computer. Sure enough when he was asked for a password, 'Fluffpants' got him through. He opened up a note to save as Getbackers, leaving only one line in the document.

'Terms accepted, welcome to the BB Bombers.'

"This should make things a lot more interesting." Swindle said with a grin.

"Indeed" Everyone agreed wondering who their new ally was.

**Author's note:** Unless you have the IQ of a shoebox it should be obvious who the mole is. With this information in mind, please leave reviews containing at least one prank (Doesn't matter which team) and do know I have and ending to this ark planned. Thanks for letting insanity live.

**Editor's note: **By the way, what happened to all the reviews? There have only been like, two, maybe three new reviews since the last chapter. Is it Possible… Has Hasbro finally caught us, and are they trying to get at us through our Readers? Please, sweet Primus NO! Dear readers please let us know you're still alive with nice reviews and no flames. Please keep in mind that it is now the Christmas season and we'd like to have some plans for the Christmas Special so leave Holiday suggestions in your reviews.


	14. Taking it a step Further…

**Author's Note:** I love this, I'm actually getting people taking bets for their favorite team (BB Bombers of course) without all you reviewers and your ideas this story would have died chapters ago. This chapter is actually free range, I was originally going put a few of your prank ideas in here, but I think if I did it would be too long. Enjoy anyway! Also I started a new forum, "Unpopular Pairings That we Love" for pairings not see on this site that often, check it out.

**Warning: **Aw hell, we're not dragging poor _Shockwave_ into this, are we?

**Disclaimer:** The laughs go on…

Down By the Bay

Taking it a step Further…

Shockwave was honestly bored (which didn't happen often) with the Elite Guard and wished to hear something from his true master. But when Megatron did send him a transmission, the double agent, certainly did not expect _this_…

"'Pranks'?" Sentinel Prime repeated, raising an optic ridge "What for?"

"Just curious." 'LongArm Prime' replied.

"Well…" Sentinel was quite a moment as he thought, "I wish I could say I've pulled more pranks then there have been pranks pulled on me, but that wouldn't be true. However, I'm not lying when I say that the practical jokes that I've been victim of lack a certain… inventiveness." He said starting to grin at some of the old memories that flashed through his mind. "Of course I always had the advantaged of having one Pit of a teammate to bounce ideas off. Y'know, Elita One and I were actually going to fake our deaths the day we graduated." He chuckled imagining what the look on everyone's faces would have been like.

"Yes, I'm sure you and your friend would have had a lot of fun with that." LongArm interjected, calling the reminiscing Prime back into the present day, "What kind of pranks did you pull?" He asked.

Sentinel went quite again, "There were a lot of good ones that Optimus walked into, like the Paint Cascade Parade, don't ask, Elita named them not me. Are there any kinds of pranks you're looking for?"

LongArm held back a sigh, "I want to know about pranks that can be pulled as a group. Preferably in groups of four or more. " He answered.

"Well then you came to the wrong guy. I only ever pulled pranks with one other person, sometimes two when we could trick Optimus into being an unwitting accomplice- wait there was that _one_ time we got the entire training force in on it." Forward and whispered the prank in LongArm's audio sensor.

Despite his attempts not to, LongArm burst out with laughter, "No, no, you didn't _really_…?" He asked though giggles.

"We really did," Sentinel replied laughing quietly, he suddenly stopped, "Just uh, don't go around telling everybody that. Ultra Magnus still doesn't know I was involved and I'd prefer it to _stay_ that way."

"I don't blame you, you menace!" LongArm laughed again, he turned to leave "Thanks for your time sir, I'll keep that in mind."

"Not a proble-- Ahhhh!" LongArm twisted around to see what had caused his former commander to scream like that.

Upon turning around he saw Sentinel batting the air, at what appeared to be a spider. Careful observation lead to LongArm seeing that the spider was fake, and tied to a string that was attached to a stick being held by another member of the Autobot Elite Guard.

Jazz.

One could have guessed.

"Getitawaygetitawaygetitawaygetitaway!" Sentinel shrieked at a speed that would have made Blurr proud. He ducked under it, ran and hid behind LongArm, still terrified that there was some organic monster trying to get at his processor for breakfast.

Now neither as LongArm Prime nor Shockwave did he see the sport in teasing Sentinel like that. Obviously he'd had a very bad experience with organics if he was still traumatized by them today, behavior like that should be treated with therapy, not jokes, or else Sentinel would only get worse.

"Jazz, that's no way to treat an Elite Guard Commander." LongArm scolded, trying to shake Sentinel off him, but said Elite Guard Commander had quite the death grip on his shoulders.

"Aw c'mon LongArm! It's just a bit of fun!" Jazz replied putting his toy away.

"J-just a bit of f-fun!?" Sentinel cried, still clinging to LongArm, "You wouldn't be saying that if a bunch of spiders were trying to tear _your_ limbs off!"

"S-sentinel." LongArm whimpered "You're hurting me."

The Commander let go of him but continued to use him as a shield. Finally free of Sentinel's grasp, however, LongArm could now finish scolding the troublemaker. "That was uncalled for Jazz. Look at how he's shaking! How would you like it if he used _your_ greatest fear against you?"

Jazz smiled, "He'd have to catch me and find it out first!" with ninja speed, Jazz took off with Sentinel roaring a threat of getting him sent back to basic training, one way or another.

"You really shouldn't let him do things like that." LongArm said.

"I know, but what can I do to him?" Sentinel replied.

LongArm shrugged, "You'll think of something. You wouldn't be on the Elite Guard if you weren't even capable of coming up with ways of getting back at people." He answered and turned to leave. Shockwave needed to report back to Megatron the pranks he had heard about, asking around the Autobot headquarters. He giggled again at the prank Sentinel had provided, wondering what his master would say about it.

Behind him Sentinel was left alone to think of how he could get back at Jazz for teasing him all the time. They were innocent enough jokes, but the ninja just didn't understand what horrible memories they provoked. Sentinel knew he had to do something that would get his point across to Jazz while also making it clear to the rest of the Elite Guard that such mischief was not appreciated by him.

His mind wondered back to his conversation with LongArm about pranks. He hadn't pulled one since Elita had died, he just didn't have the spark for it anymore. But if everyone was using her death as a joke, he was sure he could find it in himself to pull one more.

"In memory of Elita One." He decided, with a grin as he set out to make preparations for his prank.

**Author's end note:** Like I said, I was going to have this chapter more about the pranks with Lock' N ' Load and the BB Bombers, the whole thing with Shockwave asking about pranks was going to be just one scene that cut off when Sentinel told the prank to LongArm, but this chapter sorta got away from me and started writing itself. Oh yeah, speaking of which, you're not finding out what the prank is until the next prank chapter (I'm putting in the Christmas one next because I'm leaving for Christmas break soon and won't have a computer in which to post from for two weeks), and the prank that Sentinel pulls on Jazz won't be revealed for another few chapters, and its only going to be mentioned off hand, so keep it in mind. Thanks for reading please review!

**Editor's note: **I know this chapter was probably unbearably short to many of you (don't worry, I'll be giving Zaerith a good chat about length) but there are lots of laughs to be had in the next chapters, so don't go haranguing us, nice reviews only. FLAMERS BEWARE! I am now in possession of a giant hydro cannon to put out your flames.


	15. How Blitzwing stole Christmas no really

**Author's note: **This is me posting early again, because where I live we are getting threats of an ice storm, and around here that means wind and possible blackouts, can't take risks can I? Taking a small break from pranks for the Christmas special. Think of it as like The Simpsons Christmas, it really has nothing to do with any of the other episodes (Not that any of the Episodes have anything to do with each other). Just keep in mind that the prank war will be continuing in the next chapter. I know I asked you guys to leave suggestions for the Christmas special, but another idea came to me, which I think you will like better.

**Warning: **If I told you it wouldn't be nearly as funny. By the way, Old English isn't my strong point so bear with me on The Angry Archer's accent.

**Disclaimer:** Merry Christmas Y'all, I wrote a letter to Santa about _lending_ me the rights to TFA, just for Christmas, but I haven't got a reply yet. Here's to hoping!

Down by the Bay

How Blitzwing stole Christmas…no really…

It was December 24th the last possible day to get Christmas shopping done, and hang up decorations. Professor Princess glided around on her unicorn Powdered Sugar giddily singing Christmas Carols as loudly as she could. Nano-Sec zipped around hanging decoration everywhere he though appropriate. He was followed by Slow-Mo who put up mistletoe, holly, bells and wreaths. The Angry Archer strung lights to his arrows and shot them across the hall. Megatron stood at the door way supervising the activities.

How Blitzwing talked him into _this_ one, he wasn't sure. All he did know is that he could let the singing, decorations and a tree slide, but he drew the line at walking around in a Santa suit. He was not, absolutely _not_ going to pretend to be a 'Jolly old Elf' (Whatever that was), in the big red suit who gave out toys and said "Ho, ho, ho."

Those details didn't bother Blitzwing though.

Megatron lowered his head in shame seeing Blitzwing pounce through. Seeing it was almost as bad as wearing it, in his opinion, and most of the Decepticons agreed, with the exception of Swindle, who probably only said that because it had been his idea in the first place.

But even he had to agree that a red coat did _not_ look good on Blitzwing.

"Zoh, zoh, Zoh!" Blitzwing chirped, prancing up to Megatron, "And vhat vould zou like for Christmas, little boy?" he asked.

"You're head on a silver platter." Megatron replied.

Blitzwing pouted, "Zat's not very nice."

"Well, I'm not nice," Megatron replied, "in fact, I'd think I would be on that 'Wicked list' Santa's got."

"That's 'Naughty List'." Slow-Mo corrected, "And not to anger you or anything, but you guys are standing under mistletoe, you have to kiss now."

Megatron rolled his optics, Blitzwing squealed with delight, "I get ze first try vit zah mistletoe! Tradition lives!" He jumped up into Megatron's arms planting a full kiss on his lips, at the same time knocking the Decepticon leader over, causing the kiss to go deeper then he'd planned.

"Voops." Blitzwing whimpered as he got up, his optics shown with genuine terror as Megatron stood up too, an aura of anger was almost visible around his body (see there? That little outline of purple…) "No hurts ze Blitzving- Ahhh!"

Megatron stormed out of the room to find something to rinse the triple-changer's taste out of his mouth, leaving Blitzwing to try and get his head out of the wall on his own.

During the struggle, Nano-Sec came over to question what had happened. Slow-Mo crossed her arms as she explained how excited Blitzwing had been about the tradition of mistletoe and the effect it had on his kiss with Megatron, "I'm not going to tell him he wasn't the first for the tradition, though," She said, winking at the man next to her, "it'll break his spark."

Nano-Sec turned red and dashed away to hang more decorations. Slow-Mo glared after him putting her hand on her hips angrily. How like a _man_ to kiss and run! She turned and put up another bell, grumbling to herself.

Blitzwing finally got his head unstuck, and laughed to hide his uneasiness, "Zere! All bettah!" He cried turning around and bumping into Swindle. "Oh, hi zere!"

"Finished the hat." Swindle said plopping it on Blitzwing's head. "Everything set for tonight?"

"Professor Princess is going to get ze prezetz but ozer zen zat all ready." Blitzwing replied.

"Thy canth believe that thou art actually going through with such a thing." The Angry Archer cried from above them.

"Vell… if zou don't _vant_ me to..." Blitzwing slurred slowly reaching to take off his hat.

"No, no," he replied shaking his head, "Christmas hath not been the same for me since reality doth slain Santa Clause, go ahead if that is what you wish." He said.

Blitzwing squealed again, "Zis vill be perfect, Ze best Chrsitmas Detroit 'as evah had."

"Yeah, yeah I hear that every year." Slow-Mo growled, still angry that Nano-Sec had just run off like that. She glanced up at the two robots. "By the way, don't look now, but you're under the mistletoe again."

"Tradition lives!" Once again over enthusiasm lead to the knocking over of a fellow Decepticon, once again giving a deeper kiss then what was meant, and once again Blitzwing found his head shoved unceremoniously into the wall.

Slow-Mo laughed, The Angry Archer tapped her shoulder. "What?" She asked.

"Excuse me, my lady, but it hath come to my attention that we art under the mistletoe as well." he said taking her hand and kissing it, while also removing his hat like a gentleman.

His manners where met, however, but a slap across the face, "Get away from me!" Slow-Mo snapped, "I've already had enough of men for the holiday!" She stormed off the same way Megatron and Swindle had, leaving The Angry Archer whimpering and rubbing his cheek.

Professor Princess and powdered Sugar floated down and looked from The Angry Archer to the direction Slow-Mo had taken off, and back to The Angry Archer.

"I'll kiss you, mister." She offered leaning forward for one.

The only response she received in return was a look mixed between surprise, aversion and horror.

There were another five incidents at the mistletoe, Mixmaster and Scrapper (who went along like nothing happened, refusing to look each other in the optics), Lugnut and Swindle (Who had a fit before doing it), Megatron and Starscream (who refused to do it, but had to anyway, and Megatron shot him in the leg afterwards), BlackArachnia and Megatron (Who both swore never to talk about it again) and The Angry Archer and Nano-Sec (which Slow-Mo took a picture of, to use as blackmail). After this they decided no more Mistletoe.

Which made Blitzwing sad. Aw well, it was about time to go now.

The humans, all of them avoiding eye contact, packed the presents that Professor Princess had stolen from every house in Detroit, with the help of Nano-Sec but he refused to take any credit, into Blitzwing's cockpit. In Jet mode the triple changer shivered with excitement.

"Who needs a zled of flying reindeer vhen zou have a fightah jet?" He asked the humans, who didn't answer because they were still embarrassed about the mistletoe.

"All packed. Ready?" Nano-Sec asked.

The Jet engines road to life and fizzed with anticipation, "Climb aboard!" Blitzwing cried, and the humans fit themselves in with the presents. They had to be careful because Blitzwing had no seat belts. "Ready…Go!"

Blitzwing took off into the night sky, flying at his fastest possible speed. The SUV members screamed with terror and exhilaration. It didn't take too long for them to reach the city of Detroit, and when they reached it, Blitzwing slowed down so that Nano-Sec and the others could toss presents out his sides.

It was totally unorthodox, but somebody up in the sky was giving people presents, the Christmas spirit reached all. Little Jimmy got a soccer ball, Sally got a pair of ice skates, Sam got a stereo, and Mary got a doll. Optimus Prime and his gang of misfit Autobots stared up at the Decepticon's silhouette as he flew across the night sky.

"Whattya make of this boss-bot?" Bumblebee asked.

"Meeeerrrrryyyy Chhhhrrrriiiisssssttttmmmmmaaassss!!!" Blitzwing yelled from the heavens "Zoh, zoh, zoh!"

"I don't know…" Optimus answered. A present bounced off his helmet and landed at Sari's feet, "I always wondered what it would be like to see Decepticons doing good deeds, but now that I have, I'm a little scared."

"Just a little?" Ratchet responded, "I think this is grounds to say the world is ending."

"Hey, would ja look at that. What are the odds, this one is for me." Sari said opening up the package wrapped in red paper, decorated with candy canes. "Ooohh! I've wanted to see this movie soooo badly!" She squealed holding up the present,

"Sari, are you sure that's a good idea?" Bulk-Head asked, "I mean Blitzwing just dropped that, it could be some kind of trick."

"It's a _movie _Bulk-Head, what's it going to do to me?" the red-head replied.

"Regardless of what it is, it was in Decepticon possession, it should be examined." Optimus said.

"You want to examine all the other present he dropped too?" She asked, holding the movie close to her chest, "'Cause I'm pretty sure you're never going to find them all."

It was true, already they could hear delighted cries of children claiming their lost presents.

"Besides, this is the same package that was under the tree before it was stolen." She added, nodding to the paper she discarded on the ground.

"And I got her that," Bumblebee said, "look, see I put 'from Bumblebee' right here, and it's still there, so the present hasn't been altered or I would know."

"You're the best Bumblebee!" Sari cried hugging his leg.

"Hmmm…It's still rather suspicious." Optimus mumbled, "But there's nothing to suggest foul-play, so…" He shook his head and looked back up at the sky where Blitzwing was making a final trip around the city.

"Meeeerrrrryyyy Chhhhrrrriiiisssssttttmmmmmaaassss!!!"

**Author's end note:**…I wanna Triple changer to deliver _my_ presents, -pouts-. Oh and that thing the Angry Archer said about Christmas, totally based off something I said. There's just no magic in the season now that I know there's no old fat man giving me presents (actually I guess my Dad classifies as such, but he has no reindeer, and he'd probably shoot them if he did.), makes me sad. Merry Christmas everyone, you're reviews are on my list so please spread the holiday cheer, and I won't be Grinching out all month.

**Editor's Note: **I apologize to all of you who left those great holiday suggestions, they truly were something to be had, but Zaerith's heart was set on this. Hope you aren't too upset about that to leave nice reviews… 'cause I wasn't kidding about that giant hydro cannon. See ya after break and happy holidays to all.


	16. Group Effort!

**Author's note: **Hey, I'm back! So how was everybody's Christmas? Mine was good, I could have done without the snow (Seriously if I _ever_ hear the song _"Dreaming of a White Christmas"_ ever again, I'm going to shoot the radio or the caroler that _dares_…), but I got lots of sugar and caffeine, so chaos shall ensue.

**Warning: ** See above note

**Disclaimer: **M…usstt…ggg-e-tttt…..riiggghtss…

Down By the Bay

Group Effort!

After days, of fruitless pranks (fruitless here meaning they just weren't satisfying anymore.) the BB Bombers finally got word back from Shockwave and his thus dubbed "Elite Pranks". The double-agent relayed prank after prank leading to some decent ones, to ones they had already done, to some that were just plain stupid.

"Shockwave…" Megatron growled, "This is really important, if this is all you have, ask around again and get some better ideas."

"Well Megatron, Sir…" Shockwave replied bowing slightly to show he meant no disrespect, "There is _one_ more." To everyone's surprise he started to giggle. _Shockwave_. _Giggling_.

Was the universe going to implode on itself?

"What's so funny Shockwave?" Megatron all but growled, growing irritated with his spy's inability to contain himself.

Shockwave's giggles burst into full out laughter as he tried to calm down long enough to relay the prank that he had gotten from, of all people, Sentinel Prime. He didn't know what was funnier the prank itself or the image of Sentinel going though all the trouble with his friend (Whom he couldn't put a face to) Electa…? It was something that started with an 'E'.

At last he managed to calm himself and relayed the prank to every last detail, between fits of giggles. The Other Decepticons began to laugh as the prank unfolded. "And the best part is that Ultra Magnus _still_ doesn't know who did it!" Shockwave laughed.

"Zat haz got to be ze best zing I evah 'eard!" Blitzwing cackled.

Swindle stopped laughing a moment to check the Message he'd just received from his computer. "BlackArachnia says Lock'n'Load is planning another glitter fest, with another apology for failing to warn us the first time."

"Glitter fest?" Shockwave asked, "Wait…what exactly is going on over there."

"FFssst zzzt." Megatron said faking the sound of static, "You're breaking up Shockwave, fst, I can't hear fffsssszzzttt. Call zzzppt- ater." He promptly cut the line and refused to answer when Shockwave called again. Instead he turned his attention to his team. "Where's this Glitter fest going to be?"

"West wing." Swindle replied, "BlackArachnia says they've only got a little ammunition and that, if you'd like, she could probably get them to turn on each other."

"Yes, tell her great idea, and not to worry about last time, all's forgiven." Megatron told him. -Wait! Megatron, being forgiving? The Universe _was_ going to end- "Let's talk about our next move."

"Well…" Lugnut said carefully thinking about which words would best please his master, "Since we don't have any Turbo Foxes, we'd have to come up with some sort of substituted. The best option I can think of would be…uh…"

"Pigs." Nano Sec offered, "I have a cousin that raises them, we could get a hold of them that way, and I could get us the paint while I'm at it."

"Great idea!" The other humans chorused.

"What's a great idea?" A feminine voice asked.

Everyone turned, "BlackArachnia, what are you doing here?" Swindle asked with panic ringing slightly in his voice, "If somebody sees you-"

"Are you kidding me?" The spider snorted, "There so busy flinging glitter at each other they wouldn't notice if Megatron shot them each in the aft."

"That was fast." Swindle commented, looking honest to Primus impressed.

"She's goot." Blitzwing added giving the half-organic a small applause.

BlackArachnia sat down with a proud smile and crossed her legs, "You have no idea." She replied, "So what's a good idea?" She asked again.

Restraining giggles the other Decepticons relayed the prank Shockwave had told them of. Everyone stopping to giggle at some point and another picking up were they left off or filling in parts they missed. When they finished they all started laughing again. The Techno-organic did not laugh, her jaw merely dropped slightly. She recognized the prank.

"Shockwave told you this?" She asked, they nodded, "Where'd he hear it?"

"Ummm…" Blitzwing looked at the others, " e didn't zay, ve vere laughzing too 'ard to care too. Vhy do zou ask?"

The organic matter of BlackArachnia's face got warm, "N-nothing!" She blurted it a slight panic, she didn't want her old identity known just yet, "I-it's just th-that w-when I was an Autobot I h-h-heard of it that's all." Primus that sounded fake.

The other Decepticons stared at her, obviously they knew that was a lie, but to her relief they didn't press the matter. "I should go; someone's bound to notice I left.' She said and rushed toward the door and out, "Make sure to send me the details!" She called behind her.

Awkward silence kept them in its grasp for a moment, broken only by a child's question from the floating human in pink. "Did she just say she used to be an Autobot?"

Megatron sighed and prepared to explain how BlackArachnia had ended up with them… to the best of his knowledge anyway.

The whole thing took a week to prepare. And to keep Lock'n'Load oblivious to their work they carefully snuck onto their side of the base and played out more of the pranks that Shockwave had provided. Poor, poor Shockwave. Didn't know what he was helping his master accomplish. Aw well, ignorance is Bliss.

"Whoever said that must have been an idiot themselves," Megatron said when Professor Sumdac used the expression "Because if it were true, there wouldn't be so many miserable people."

"Mmmm." The human thought for a while, "I suppose when you put it that way I can't argue." He answered at last as he put a final sheet of Bubble wrap on the floor and climbed into the Pilot's seat of Megatron's alt-mode, so not to disturb the fragile bubbles that laid way to the next bit of the prank.

Elsewhere, Swindle, with the help of the SUV humans, was rolling saran wrap across the floor of the hall leading to Lockdown's personal quarters. Or rather, they were finishing rolling it. The final piece was spread and Professor Princess floated over the hall squirting all matter of liquids including vegetable oil, baby oil, and olive oil onto the wrapping, making it really slippery.

"Looks great!" Swindle announced and transformed into vehicle mode, or as the SUV called it, 'Getaway-vehicle-mode'. They climbed in and Swindle speed off to report the mission a success.

"So why are you doing this?" Slow-Mo asked him, "I mean, aren't you and Lockdown…friends or something?"

"Hmmm…" the weapons dealer thought for a moment, "No, not friends exactly, I'm doing to this for Blitzwing. That thing we did with Megatron and his DDR game was _gold_, we make a great team, totally worth more than anything _Lockdown_ could offer."

The four humans burst into laughter as they turned a corner to safety.

Meanwhile…

Has it been mentioned that it was late at night?

BlackArachnia climbed silently over her final victim, Mixmaster, her light frame was unnoticed while the oblivious 'bot snored on. It probably helped in her task that not only was Mixmaster asleep, but the mech was holding a half empty can of oil in one hand and there were discarded containers lying around him too.

She smiled with satisfaction as she took the last of her master brew. Crunchy peanut butter, hand made. The girls had all made it all together, but BlackArachnia was the quickest and quietest, making good time at filling the opposing team's joints with the stuff. They slept on peacefully, exhausted from chasing Blitzwing all day for making faces at them. Of course she also had an alibi for not getting peanut butter in her joints, as far as Lock'n'Load knew she'd spent the night in the woods again.

BlackArachnia giggled maliciously and put a _little_ bit of the butter into Mixmaster's mouth, Megatron said that it would make they're mouths stick shut, and really who could pass that up? With the Mixture now gone and her work done the Spider crawled silently away and back into the woods where in the morning, no one would guess she had been involved in this.

"Aw frag!" Starscream whined when Mixmaster and Scrapper entered with their joints sticking together. "_You_ guys too?"

All though in truth it actually sounded more like, "Maww fag, uuggaiize tu?"

The two bots _did_ however know what he meant and nodded. They each took out a can of oil and started to chug. Starscream rolled his optic as the loud gulps filled the air, they were really starting to get on his nerves.

In, like fifty seconds, the cans were empty and a small belch came from one of them.

"We were _punk'd _last night!" Scrapper cried undignified, "If I find out who did that…"

"MEYYY!" Starscream whined, wondering why _they_ could talk.

"Go drink something," Mixmaster advised, "It'll wash that stuff down."

The seeker nodded and went for a cube of energon, however when he picked it up the bottom of the cube fell off and the glowing purple energy spilled all over his chassis (Courtesy of Blitzwing, everyone imagine him giving a bow). He picked up another cube getting the same results. He picked up two more before he gave Scrapper a wordless whine for a can of oil, which the mech almost _reluctantly_ supplied.

He chugged it down and tested his vocals, he could talk! But before he could start complaining about pranks he picked up something on his audio sensors, "Do you hear that?" he asked.

The room went quite while they listened. It was quite at first, but got louder, like an enemy missile falling on them. Only this was no missile.

It was Lockdown.

The mech slid into the room on his back, the hall from which he had entered was covered with slippery substances he had not expected to be there. When he'd exited his private quarters, he's immediately fallen on is aft and slid all the way down the hall into this room were he was greeted with a can of oil for his mouth that was stuck. He took it gratefully having noticed his inability to speak properly earlier. He would have preferred energon, but Starscream informed him of the prank with the energy.

"THAT STUPID TRIPLE-CHANGER!" Lockdown shouted, "I OUTTA-"

"Aww, _now _what happen…" BlackArachnia trailed off as she entered the room, spick-and-span, peanut butter free and, to the boys, sparkling "…ed…" she doubled over at the results of her handy work.

"Stop laughing!" They all demanded.

"S-sorrry!" She crying with laughter, "Y-you, four look…Look **so** ridiculous!!!" She started laughing harder, clutching her sides and barely breathing."

The boys growled and muttered at how it wasn't fair that the _girl_ was spared, but Scrapper put up the point that she hadn't been in the base last night so no suspicions were raised.

BlackArachnia leaned against a wall, still trying to calm herself when Starscream noticed another noise. "Do you hear that?" He asked for the second time.

They all shut up to listen, even BlackArachnia managed to quite long enough to hear it. It was coming from the next room.

_"Oink, Oink, Oink, Oink…"_

The doors suddenly opened and something entered. A small pink thing that they at first thought was one of the humans running around without their second layer of skin. But as it came closer into view they realized it was something else entirely.

"A pig." Lockdown observed. It took all BlackArachnia had not to burst out laughing again.

"Hey!" Mixmaster exclaimed pointing to they now identified pig, "It has something written on the side!"

Starscream leaned down and read, "One."

"…'One'…?" Lockdown repeated shaking his head, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I dunno," The seeker replied, picking it up and caring it outside, "But if it makes a mess in here _I'm_ not going to clean it up, and don't you dare make a mess on me!" He threatened the squealing thing in his hands.

"Whatever!" Lockdown shouted after him, "Just get rid of it!"

A few minutes later Starscream returned and they pondered the mystery of the 'One' painted on the side of the pig. Except BlackArachnia, after all she had once pulled a similar prank while she was still the Autobot known as Elita One. She knew exactly where this was going. And because Lockdown had a habit of ignoring her, she presented no risk of 'spilling the beans' as the humans said.

"Maybe it's some sorta…" Mixmaster said, "Wait, there's that noise again!"

"No way!" Starscream protested, as the door opened and a small pink flesh thing entered "How'd it get back it!?"

"It didn't," Scrapper said leaning down to read what it said on the pig's side, "this one says Two"

"Aw Primus." Lockdown snarled "They're numbering the pigs!"

"Why would they do that?" Starscream asked letting Scrapper take this pig out.

"I don't know!" Lockdown argued, "How can anyone follow what's in that twisted head of Blitzwing's!"

BlackArachnia giggled slightly as the mechs bickered, she's heard the same thing said about herself and her partner Sentinel when they did this prank on the superiors at the training camp. Poor Nova Minor didn't have any idea what hit him. Of course the prank was _never_ traced back to them, and this time Lockdown knew exactly who did it.

"I'm telling you, it doesn't make any sense!" Starscream yelled.

"There's got to be a reason!" Lockdown countered.

"_I'm_ the leader, and _I_ say we forget the numbers, they're not important!"

"You are _not _the leader! This is team '_Lock'n'Load' _not the '_Scream Team'_!"

"Why I outta!"

The doors opened and a third pig wandered in. "Let me guess," Lockdown sighed, "number 'three' right."

Starscream facial structures curved into a frown and if it was at all possible went pale. "No…" he whispered not believing the number on the pig's side, "It says number Nine…"

"WHAT!?!" Mixmaster and Lockdown exclaimed in numb shock.

"You mean there are six more of those things?" BlackArachnia added, trying to sound as shocked as the others, she was a remarkably good actor. They fell for it.

"Or more." Starscream said, "We gotta search our entire half of the base and get them all out before they make a mess of things! Mixmaster get rid of this one!"

Mixmaster nodded and picked up the pig to take it out, almost running into Scrapper who had his pig still in hand.

"Actually I kinda wanna keep him," he said, "I've always wanted a pet, and I've already named him. Say 'Hi' to Uncle Mix, Duo!"

The pig snorted.

"You can't keep that thing!" Lockdown shouted, "Take it outside."

"Besides," BlackArachnia put in, "that's a girl pig, Stupid." She corrected popping him on the head.

Scrapper groaned sadly whispering good-bye to his new pet, and Mixmaster led him outside to release the pigs. Lockdown and Starscream argued a moment over who was leader, but eventually left in opposite directions to hunt down pigs 3-8, with orders for BlackArachnia to tell Mixmaster and Scrapper to do the same.

"I wonder how long it'll take for them to realize that there were only those _three_ pigs." She laughed, "It took the drill sergeants 14 cycles."

**Author's End note:** -laughs- The whole pig thing is based off a prank that actually happened, nobody knows who did it, but in reality it was a senior prank at the end for the year and it took four week to realize there weren't any more pigs! Yeah and also the Decepticon base has actually been split into Lock'n'Load's half and the Bay Buddy Bomber's half. The prank ark will be drawing to a close in just a couple of chapters, be sure to make them worth reading with your best prank ideas yet!

**Editor's note: **I'd like to thank you all for being so patient for Zaerith and I to come back from break (at least I hope you were patient), as Zaerith said, the 'Prank Arc' is steadily drawing to a close so if you haven't been giving suggestions, now's the time to start doing so or else you'll miss out.


	17. Retribution or immaturity?

**Author's Note:** Okay I had little to no juice this week so this chapter was just sorta thrown together at the last minute. All things in this chapter are based off things that have actually happened, to me or things I have just seen.**  
Warning: **Hostilities between Starscream and Lockdown about who is the leader. Cover your ears, it's _that_ song. No, not this fic's namesake, even worse!

**Disclaimer: **And Zaerith said let there be disclaimers, and there were and Zaerith saw they needed humorous twists so she threw a pudding on them -splat!-

Down by the Bay

Retribution or immaturity?

Megatron lay on his back; he groaned again as, from a mysterious source, a song was playing. At first he had chosen to ignore it, one of the humans had probable misplaced the item that the music was coming from, and would return to claim it eventually.

However the song had been playing for hours. Not nonstop per say, there had been great lapses of times where the song stopped for a moment and the Decepticon lord had been able to doze of into a shot lived recharge before...

Di di ti ti ti titititidi.

Primus did it _ever_ stop?

Megatron knew the name of this song, it drove him crazy, "It's a Small World" or something. Hearing it from the music box had been kind of pretty for the first few times, but after a while it had gotten annoying, and the more it played it seemed to go slower. Occasionally stopping and restarting. Megatron doubted he would get any actual recharge that night.

He tried shutting off his audio sensors more than once but the music continued in his head. Frag it, there was no ESCAPE! What was that song Blitzwing always used to sing? _That _would be better than this!

"Down…Down by the bay… Were the watermelons grow…Back to my home I dare not go… for if I do my…my…'s gonna say…Oh forget it!" Despite his attempts to sing over the music box, the tune still rang in his head. He turned around and covered his audios.

He was _definitely_ not going to get any recharge tonight.

The next morning Megatron found the source of the melody that had kept him up all night. It was indeed from a music box, or used to be at least, the small mechanical from which the piece of music flowed had been removed from the box itself and was playing even as he picked it up.

_There's only one mech who would __**dare**__…_ he thought.

Sure enough, under the metal irritation there was a piece of paper, a note.

Hope you enjoyed your lullaby,

Love Starscream.

"Do you hear that?" Swindle said over his morning cube of energon.

"Hear vhat?" Blitzwing asked, his question was answered by his own audios.

_**VRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!**_

__"Vroom?" Lugnut repeated. The moment the word escaped his vocals the door opened revealing the source of the noise.

"OUT OF THE WAY!" Megatron's voice boomed as he rushed by with his feet barely touching the ground, and exiting to the main computer room. Silence ensued after that, broken only by BlackArachnia's sudden appearance.

"Well that was interesting." She said simply, "Starscream's up to something he's been giggling all morning, I'd advise you all to stay on your half of the base." She picked up an energon cube and took a sip.

"Thanks," Swindle nodded, "I wonder what's up with Megatron."

From the room which said Decepticon had eloped there were loud crashing sounds, the click of key boards, and the sounds of what might have been Megatron swearing in Quintesson.

"If I didn't know any better," BlackArachnia mumbled taking another sip from her energon, "I'd say he was building a cannon."

The door opened again and Megatron reentered with a tired but smug look on his face, "Not my best work, but I need a copies of this sent out to every planet system where Starscream's name is known and, hey why don't you send one to the Autobots while you're at it?" He said handing a piece of paper to Swindle, "This'll teach him to keep _me_ up all night!"

A sleep deprived Megatron is a scary Megatron.

The Decepticon lord sat down flopping his head on the nearest flat surface and fell into recharge within seconds.

"Vhat 'e give Zou?" Blitzwing asked.

"I don't know, it probably a-" He stopped dead off the moment he glanced at the paper and burst into a horde of laughter, which did not cease even to explain the paper to his companions. He simply flipped it over in his hands and showed them. Their laughter added to his, waking up Megatron.

Who promptly threw his swords at them "SHUT UP!!!"

"I'll just go make copies of this." Swindle giggled and headed out.

"And I go to help zou!" Blitzwing offered.

BlackArachnia stood up as well, "I need to get out of here. I won't be able to look Starscream in the face!"

Lugnut gave them permission to go, but chose to stay himself to make sure nothing else interrupted his master's slumber.

"You did _**WHAT**_!?!" Lockdown demanded.

"You heard me." Starscream smirked, "I successfully pranked Megatron, so he won't be able to help the BB Bombers prank_ us_ today."

"Who gave you permission to do such a thing!?" The once-bounty-hunter cried, "Now the rest of them will be seeking revenge!"

"Isn't revenge what started this whole thing?" Mixmaster whispered to Scrapper.

"M'dunno." his comrade shrugged continuing to watch the quarrel, until something else caught his eye- er- optic.

"If you would stop taking matters into your own servos and just do as you are ordered a LOT more people who like you, Y'know!" Lockdown roared.

(Note the irony that it is _because_ he's such a bitch that the fans like Starscream.)

"Well if you would stop thinking about your _personal_ vendetta and thought more about the survival of this team then-" he words were drowned out by the sound of laughter, and the arguing mechs turned to see what was so funny.

Mixmaster turned around a poster sized paper in his hand to face them. Upon seeing in Starscream's jaw dropped in humiliation and outrage, while Lockdown joined the chorus of laughter.

The picture was of Starscream only his face had been Photoshopped so that instead of his 'gorgeous face' as he always said, there was the face of a creature called a 'Goomba' from the Hollywood Pictures Home Entertainment 'Super Mario Bros.' movie.

"Sweet Primus! Get rid of that… that _thing_!" Starscream…for lack of a better verb, screamed, trying to snatch it away from the other bots, finally succeeding and blasting it to hell. He stood over its ashes with his face plating superheating and turning red, "Thank holy Primus above no one else saw that." he muttered.

Aww, poor Screamie. If _only_.

**Author's end note:** Yeah, _really_ thrown together at _literally_ the last minute, thanks for reading and I hope you give me some good ideas this week so this doesn't happen again (I mean the rushed thing), please REVIEW!

**Editor's note:** The Goomba face on Starscream was inspired by a little thing on Deviant art we saw where a couple people took pictures of cosplayers and Photoshopped the Goomba faces onto them. I don't remember who all did it, but some of them were really funny to look at. See if you can find them, or if you've already seen them, yay for you!


	18. Grand Finale part I

**Author's Note: **Gahhh, I haven't been able to sleep all week! Anyhoo, I'm wrapping this ark up at last, this is the second to last chapter before The Prank War is officially over, and I can get back to a story in which every chapter has a new plot, I already know what the first chapter after the end is going to be about (remember back in the chapter titled 'Taking it a step further…' I said Sentinel's prank on the Elite Guard was coming back? Hint, hint) so I hope you guys all enjoy this!

**Warning: **Well, that would be telling wouldn't it?

**Disclaimer: **For Sale: Disclaimer, only used once, worked efficiently, may cause IQ to drop

Down by the Bay

Grand Finale part I

"This is getting out of hand." Lockdown said.

The others agreed; their base was starting to look less like a military operation and more like a nuclear waste dump. Despite efforts to clean up, a new mess was made again before the day was out, sometimes bigger than the one before. Neither team allowed themselves to give up pushing themselves to new limits, new heights, and the pranks just kept coming.

"And to make matters worse, I believe someone on this team is leaking information to the BB Bombers." He continued.

BlackArachnia remained calm, after all she knew this was coming and already knew that she would not be suspected. Or at least not investigated. Lockdown barely acknowledged her membership to the team, but she did not argue or fight with him about it, Starscream was too obnoxious about wanting to lead the team that it was clear he wasn't the mole, leaving Mixmaster and Scrapper as the top suspects.

And right now it seemed like Scrapper was going to get the boot.

"B-but, I've been nothing but _loyal_ to our cause!" he pleaded, Mixmaster stood at his side, not only defending him out of fear that he would be kicked off the team, but also trying to keep him from making is situation worse, "This isn't fair! Shouldn't we take a vote or something!?"

"Great idea!" Starscream smirked, "Let's vote, if you think Scrapper should be kicked off the team tonight, raise your hand." He said doing so.

"I make the announcements!" Lockdown shouted, then raised his hand to vote, "Goomba-scream."

That made Starscream flinch… and shut up. BlackArachnia rolled her eyes and raised a hand. Mixmaster looked at his buddy who returned his gaze with pleading optics, Mixmaster shook his head.

"Three to two." Lockdown said, "Off the team."

"But-"

"I said GO!" Lockdown shouted.

Hurt and angry Scrapper rushed out of the room, Mixmaster shouted after him and followed. Lockdown told Starscream to bring Mixmaster back, Starscream argued and told BlackArachnia to do it. She went without question, listening to mechs argue.

The spider walked along the hall way following the sound of footsteps and distant cries, before it got quiet. She kept walking, and found Mixmaster heading back to the 'meeting room', looking sad.

"He's joining the BB Bombers." Mixmaster said sadly, "I wanna go too, but I can't…"

"Don't worry," she said, "you can always slip them information to let Scrapper know you still love him."

"I do _not_ love Scrapper!" The mech cried in self-defense.

"Suuuuure ya don't honey." She teased patting him on the shoulder, "I'm going out for some fresh air, tell the boys I'll be back in a little bit."

Mixmaster nodded and grumbled to himself about how a tough Decepticon like him didn't _need_ love or anything like it. She giggled and continued to the BB Bombers half of the base.

"This is getting out of hand." Megatron was saying when she entered. The first thing she noticed was that everyone seemed to be trying to comfort Scrapper as he continued to whine about being betrayed. "We need to find a way to end this once and for all."

The others shouted an agreement; of course some of them were still pretty mad about the bumper stickers that they had been plagued with earlier that day. For the most part they'd managed to get them off, however there was still a couple on their backs that they couldn't reach on their own but did not have time to get someone else to help.

"We need a new plan," Megatron said slamming his fists together and pacing back and forth, "something fresh and new, that not even WE will see coming, we need something that defies all logic!"

The BB Bombers shouted out with pride, "Yeah!"

"But what could we do?" Slow-mo asked.

"I'm thinking." Megatron growled. "It has to be big, no, huge. They've got to _scream_ with surprise and…and they have to not be able to top it…something huge…!" He pounded his forehead with his fists trying to think of something.

The computer flickered to life, "I think I may be able to help you." an unfamiliar voice said. They all turned and jumped at the sight of an equally unfamiliar face appeared on the monitor.

"Who are you!?" Megatron demanded.

The stranger looked just as startled as they did, "Whoops!" he said, "I'm in the wrong continuity, my apologies I must have made a wrong turn off of ." he said with a slight bow of respect..

"Who are you?" Megatron asked again, "And can you _really_ help us?"

"Who I am doesn't matter, seeing as I don't belong here, but you can call me 'Sideways'," the intruder said, "and I apologize again, I wasn't where I thought I was, so I don't know what you need help with."

Blitzwing approached the computer and relayed their situation to Sideways. The mech on the screen listened carefully, laughing every once and a while, then thought carefully about any advice. He told them of an idea, so big, so amazingly simple that they wondered why they didn't think of it.

"I hope that was of some help, now if you excuse me, I have to return to my own continuity and turn everyone against each other, seems I'm too late for that here." He said with an amused, but evil laugh.

"Vait!" Blitzwing said, "How do ja get on the computer and stuff? Looks like fun! I vant a turn, I vant a turn!"

Sideways laughed, "I may have to comeback here some other time and learn more about you, but I'm a virus, I can't _teach_ you how to cross into Cyberspace."

"Awwww," Blitzwing groaned, "Pleeeeaaaaaazzzzzz?" he begged.

Sideways laughed again, "No can do." he smirked from his hidden mouth, "I gotta go, I'll catch ya later!" he said, pixeling away in a whirl of static.

"No! NO!" Blitzwing cried, "Come baaaaaaack!" he hit the computer and continued to beg for Sideways to return.

"Well, that was helpful, unexpected, but helpful. So…" Megatron said over Blitzwing's whines, he looked them all straight in the optics. "Who wants to die?"

For such a morbid question, the response was gold as everyone volunteered themselves.

Megatron told everyone to calm down and they had a thorough discussion about whose 'death' would be most beneficial to the team, and it soon became clear who the best choice was.

"Okay I'd better go back to the boys before they get suspicious," BlackArachnia said, she pointed at Scrapper, "and just to be certain that he doesn't go squealing to Lock'n'Load, you'd better have somebody keep an optic on him."

"Good idea," Megatron agreed, he turned to the door, "I'll start the preparations."

Turning around revealed to his fellow BB Bombers a bumper sticker slapped to his aft that said 'I 3 Autobutt'. Everyone giggled (Except Blitzwing, who was now whamming his head against the computer key board, trying to get himself into Cyberspace).

"Hey, Megatron." Scrapper said through a snicker, "You've a got a-"

Megatron cut him off, "I know." To prove that he really knew, he swayed his hips as he walked, "The best way to win a prank war is to not let the enemy get to you." he said and shook his aft making it seem he was wearing the sticker as a badge of honor.

**Author's End note:** yeah and I'm cutting it off there. If you didn't get the thing with Sideways, he was a character in the Armada series who had the ability to travel Cyberspace, and in doing so I think it's quite possible he might make a mistake and wind up in another Transformers show. He is the ONLY crossover I'm doing, because I have no way of crossing over anyone else with out going over board, and I'm pretty sure if I did start doing so, someone would eventually ask me to crossover a character from another series, just so they can have a romance between them and a character from Animated. Again, I'm trying to _avoid_ romance because it would ruin the fun, however, if you squint there is possible romances between certain characters.

**Editor's note:** Says the girl with Sideways as her 'imaginary husband' -face palms-

**Zaerith:** -Whacks her sister- Shut UP!

**Faeryl: **-shoves Zaerith aside- Anyways, hope you enjoyed that chapter leave your reviews and join us next week for Down By The Bay's EPIC END of the D-con prank war… No flames, I _will_ find you…


	19. Grand Finale part II

**Author's note: **Pwaha, just for randomness sake, I'm in a very giddy mood right now with a superiority complex over my older sister who failed to notice something I did in the first issue of Transformers Defiance, so let it be know that I am in a _good_ mood, not a CRACK! Mood.

**Warning: **Character 'death', just imagine the look on Lockdown's face XD

**Disclaimer: **Saw 'em, wanted 'em, had a fit, got jail time.

Down By the Bay

Grand Finale part II

There were sounds of clicking and clacking as the Decepticon leader put together the BB Bomber's secret weapon, occasionally turning to Blitzwing to hand him certain materials. The group watched intently, despite that Megatron's massive shoulders blocked the view.

Megatron put the last parts together, and proudly held up his masterpiece, "I am become Death, the Destroyer of worlds!" He proclaimed showing it around to the team.

--Shameless Plug? You bet!--

"Time to put an end to this." they whispered amongst themselves.

It would come to be called 'the final showdown', Lock'n'Load on one side, the BB Bombers on the other. A fight to the finish. They'd long run out of ammo, and had resorted to simply throwing whatever they could reach at the other team, rocks, dirt, fruit, vegetables, what the other team had thrown at them. Then it _had_ to end, Megatron decided.

The gun they'd spent hours building from scratch was designed to instantly paralyze any machine the darts infected. _Machine_, here being the code word.

"Hey, Lockdown!" He shouted, "Eat this!" he pulled the trigger.

Lockdown barely had time to turn around, "No!" Someone shouted and dived in front of him.

Right according to plan, the BB Bombers all hid smirks. Then Blitzwing cried out, "Oh no! Zat gun vas meant for robots not Organics!"

Megatron nudged him in the side, "Tone it down!" he hissed, "With you're poor acting they'll _know_ this is fake!"

Meanwhile on the other side of the field Lockdown stared bug-eyed at the scene in front of him. "Black…Arachnia…?" He called softly.

No response.

It was only a few minutes before a truce was called, they couldn't continue now that someone had actually died. Whispers went through the crowd about what to do with the body; they certainly couldn't take her apart for scrap. The humans suggested burying her, it was better then just leaving her there they all agreed, especially Lockdown.

How could he have been so foolish? There had been a wonderful femme with great ideas and power to back them up, but he had just ignored her, until she sacrificed herself for him. It was only right that she get some respect from him at last.

Meanwhile, BlackArachnia herself had never wanted to laugh so bad in her life.

It was the only the drug pumping through her body that kept her from doing so. She wasn't quite paralyzed, she could still move, but her vocals were frozen. Lugnut wandered over to her and lifted her in his arms. BlackArachnia moved her head ever so slightly to match his movements and winked. Lugnut almost started laughing but managed to keep himself calm.

A 'funeral' was put together in only a few hours, BlackArachnia was put in the ground and earth placed over her. Everyone said something, be it nice or just things they regretted. Megatron and Blitzwing from the BB Bombers, and Lockdown and Starscream from Lock'n'Load; stood before the crowd of Decepticons and humans.

"Decepticons," Megatron announced, hiding the amusement in his voice quite easily, "It is a dark time for us. We have been divided, and in our division we have lost sight of our goal, and more importantly one of our own, it is in her memory that we must unite once more to destroy the Autobots. She was once one of them, but was abandoned, like we were. Forced to live as an outcast, she suffered more than any of us." He shook his head, "I…I am at loss for what else to say… Lockdown, do you have anything else to add? She was on _your_ team after all."

The guilt on Lockdown's face almost got Megatron to crack. But the Bounty-hunter stepped forward. He looked at the Decepticons and at the mound were BlackArachnia now lay. Had the dirt shifted a little? Must have been his imagination. He opened his mouth hoping words would come.

Instead there was a scream.

Lockdown glanced at Blitzwing from which the scream originated. The triple changer had one hand covering his mouth, a look of utter terror, and his other hand pointing at BlackArachnia's grave. When Lockdown turned he screamed himself, as did many others, when the dirt jumped up, revealing a hand digging its way out.

Starscream rushed over in a panic, seemingly trying to kick the hand back into the ground. However it was no use, the seeker abandoned his mission and hid behind Megatron. The hand became an arm, and soon enough a head popped through the dirt. The 'zombie' glared at them a moment.

Before busting into laughter.

Her laughter was chorused by the BB Bombers, as they all clenched their sides and doubled over. Starscream started a nervous laugh as well, "I _knew _she wasn't dead." He pretended to gloat. "I knew it…I did!"

"You should have seen your faces!" BlackArachnia howled with laughter. "It was something like this!" She mocked with her mouth opening it to a small 'O' shape and widening her eyes to the point that they looked like dinner plates.

"B-bu-but!" Lockdown stuttered, "Wha…What just…HUH?" He looked helplessly at Megatron for an explanation.

Megatron's chuckles subsided just long enough to spew out seven words. "She was playing you the whole time."

"She was a BB Bomber!?!" Starscream exclaimed in shock.

Blitzwing nodded vigorously, "She vas our greatest ally!" he cackled.

Lockdown turned on BlackArachnia with hurt optics, "W-Why?" he cried, immediately regretting it because he knew the answer.

"Because _you_, Lockdown." The spider replied, pulling herself out of the hole, "Are a dirty Sexist!" She shouted, "I kept trying to offer my help, but you never listened! I always did what you told me to, but I never got thanked! If it were about me being organic, I would have been able to tell by repulsion rather than being completely ignored!" She ranted.

While Lockdown was being scolded the rest of Lock'n'Load was welcomed back to the Decepticon army, with a lesson learned that it was better to be _with_ Blitzwing than _against_ (and Hell Hath no Furry like a woman scorned) and plans were made to restore the damage done to their own base.

"And with us all working together, we should probably be able to get it done in time for a fight with some Autobots." Megatron said, "I bet'cha anything that they've started to miss us."

Meanwhile… at the Power Plant, home base of the Autobots on earth:

Bumblebee hit the 'A' button on the controller to get his racecar to accelerate to the finish line and take first place. For the first time he was actually sorta bored with these games.

"Hey," he said suddenly looking up at Bulk-Head, who was still rounding the last obstacle course. "What ever happened to those Decepticons?" he asked.

Bulk-Head paused the game and stared at the wall, carefully thinking about the question.

"M'dunno." He said at long last, he un-paused the game and finished the course opening up the new level.

Bumblebee stared at him a moment before turning his attention fully to the game and continued to play daring himself to beat his high-score and forgetting all about the Decepticons.

--Roll Credits--

**Author's end note: **There's the end of the Prank war, I hope you enjoyed the trip I certainly had fun. Just to be clear, the end of the prank war isn't the end of the fic, there's more to come, let's all pray it stays this fun, over and out! ^^

**Editor's Note: **Well, that was a long time coming… to think, this whole arc was originally just going to be _one _chapter! Good thing we decided to extend it, otherwise we wouldn't have gotten as many great ideas, thanks for your help… Flames will be captured and used to set the nation afire.


	20. An Unexpected Turn

**Author's Note:** This chapter has been planned for quite a while now, and it is the first out of the box since the prank ark, so I'm very happy now.

**Warnings: **In which the Elite Guard shows their not Elite (Or mature) at all.

**Disclaimer: **Insert disclaimer here with a long drawn out melodramatic shout for revenge, because when they threw me out into the street they broke my tailbone.

Down By the Bay

An Unexpected Turn

When BlackArachnia heard that three members of the Elite Guard had been captured she had not expected it to be true. More importantly however she had not expected to recognize one of them.

In her spider mode she clung to the ceiling, the three Autobots completely unaware of her presence. She didn't want them to know yet, she had to wait for her partner to interrogate them. But at the same time, she _really_ wanted to talk to Sentinel. She could only listen to the conversation below her.

"I _told_ you that we were going the wrong way!" Sentinel groaned, "If we'd gone back like _I_ said, this wouldn't have happened! Why doesn't anyone EVER listen to me?"

One of the other Autobots put a hand on Sentinel's shoulder which looked a little awkward since they were all wearing stasis cuffs, "Cool it Sent," he said calling him by his latest nickname for his commander, "its not that we don't listen, its that no one trusts you after that little stunt you pulled."

At this Sentinel Prime jumped up a bit, a little angry, a little embarrassed, "I don't see what the big deal is!" He shouted pointing a finger at his companion, "_You_ pull pranks on me all the time, Jazz!"

"Himputtingafakespiderinfrontofyourfaceis_not_!" answered the final Elite Guard captive.

"And Ultra Magnus was going to give you an _honor_ for heroism!" Jazz continued.

"Oh don't you try to guilt me with Ultra Magnus, he was in on it!" Sentinel countered.

"Yeahright,likewe'resupposedtobelieveyouactuallydraggedUltraMagnusdownto_your_levelyoumenece!"

Sentinel made a face and his fingers twitched as if he was restraining himself from strangling the other bot, "Primus as my _witness_ Blurr…" he said through his teeth, "You_ will_ learn to speak Cybertronian."

"Whatdoesthamean?" Blurr asked nudging Jazz in the side with his elbow, "Whatdoeshemean,IamspeakingCybertronian,IspeakperfectCybertronian,I'mspeakingitrightnow!Can'thehearmespeakingCybertronian?"

"Blurr" Jazz said, "Can it."

The quick-talker opened his mouth as if to defy Jazz's words but shut it again at glanced around, "Doyouhearthat?" he asked.

"Hear wha-" Sentinel started before silence as the noise reached hi audios.

Giggling…?

BlackArachnia couldn't take it anymore; she _had_ to be a part of this. With permission to start the interrogation without Blitzwing, she dropped from the ceiling, earning a scream of terror from more then one of them. She approached the three shaking bots and heard the white one in the center mutter an apology to Sentinel about 'Arachnophobia'. The spider smiled, bearing her fangs, causing the two other members of the Elite Guard to squeak, while Sentinel appeared ready to off-line.

She started to laugh, and to gross the boys out even more she transformed for them. The three gawked at her, unable to understand who or what this thing in front of them was. She turned her attention first on the light blue one at the end, 'Blurr' she had heard.

He was tall and thin, probably pretty fast and likely he would not have been captured, had he not been caught of guard. She wanted to laugh at how he trembled. He was doubtlessly a spy bot, or scout.

Next, Jazz in the center. As she examined him, she noted the visor with dismay; she wanted to see the terror in his optics. She looked him over trying to figure his position, his slender body fit that of an Elite Ninja, but his fidgety movements argued otherwise. She settled on this because it was the only position compatible with his size and build.

That left Sentinel to be the commander. It was sad, she thought, that only one on their team achieved his dream. As BlackArachnia shifted her gaze to him it was hard not to think about the closeness they'd once shared. The change in him from the academy days she'd spent with him and Optimus was almost physical. His face had hardened as if he'd not had a genuine smile in eons. Despite his trembling he held himself more stiffly than she remembered, and his hands balled into fists. Finally her gaze lifted to his optics where she received a big shock in them.

Recognition.

Was it possible? Could Sentinel see through the organic matter, and identify his old teammate within the monster before him? His trembling became worse and he shut off his optics shaking his head. Ah… So a little part of him _did_ know who she was, but the rest was too busy denying it to listen.

In other words: the gates were down, the lights were flashing, but the train had made an emergency stop a little further down the tracks.

Typical. Well at least she could have a little fun with him then.

"My, my, Commander," She whispered sounding sweet and venomous at the same time, "Long time no see. Seems you've turned out well."

Sentinel turn away from her, shaking so badly that the table his hands rested on vibrated beneath them, "Yo, Sent," Jazz called, "you know her?" The blue Prime didn't answer, but continued to stare at the wall and quiver like a kicked puppy.

"Sentinel, look at me." She said firmly. The bot didn't move. "Look as Me!" She demanded.

Slowly he turned to her, "W-what?" he answered, trying to hide the fear in his voice.

BlackArachnia smiled at him, "You've really changed," She taunted, "there was a time when _nothing_ scared you."

"I was stupid, then." He replied, lowering his gaze to the table. "Everyone is afraid of something…"

"Sentinel,whoisshe?" Blurr asked.

Sentinel didn't answer him, and just shut off his optics, he muttered to himself, praying that this was just a nightmare and he'd soon wake up. Slag it! He was still in denial!

"Go ahead Sentinel." BlackArachnia encouraged, "Tell them who I am." The Bot shut his optics tighter, "Who am I?" She taunted. Her spark pulsed within her chassis, and she suddenly became aware of how painful this was. "Who am I?" She asked again, her voice filled with pain.

Sentinel looked up painstakingly slow into her eyes. Fear and pain matched her gaze, but also a clear confidence and he opened his mouth to respond, "Eli-"

"Eyyyy party people!" A voice suddenly shrieked, "Zorry I'm late!" Blitzwing all but sang, pulling up a chair

"_Wow_, Blitzwing." BlackArachnia half-scolded half-complained, "WAY to kill the mood."

"Daww Blackie, don't jou evah just vant to 'ave fun?" he replied swinging his legs onto the table. The three Autobots scooted back away from the new Decepticon's feet. BlackArachnia slapped her palm against her face.

"Do you _mind_?" Sentinel frowned, "If you're a Decepticon could you at least _act_ like it."

"Okay! Vell, zis is an interrogation, nein? Let's get zis show on ze road zen." Blitzwing said removing his feet from the table and poking BlackArachnia's side, "Let's play goot cop bat cop!" He giggled.

"You're not supposed to tell them we are, Stupid." She said bopping him on the head, "Now we can't!"

"Fine you can be ze bat cop." He replied rubbing his head.

BlackArachnia glanced at Sentinel, noticing that the Prime had tensed, like he always did when he started to loss his temper. "Did you hear what she just said?!" He almost snarled.

"Oh calm down, Miztah Plow." Blitzwing smiled reaching over and patting his hand.

"Mr…Plow…?" Sentinel repeated raising an optic ridge.

"Yah!" the triple-changer nodded, "Like off Ze Zimpsons."

To their surprise it was not Blitzwing that bust into the jingle, but the Ninja Jazz, with Blitzwing only joining halfway in. "Mr. Plow! That's his name! That name again is Mr. Plow~!"

The Decepticon and the Autobot both leaned forward and clasped each other's hand. "We are of one mind." Jazz declared with a twinkle of admiration in his voice.

"Agreed!" Blitzwing sang.

"Uuuuhhhggg…" Sentinel groaned burying his face in his hands.

BlackArachnia reached over and patted his shoulder. "He does this to everyone," She explained "just be thankful you weren't here for 'When you Wish Upon a Starscream', _that_ was annoying."

"Ooh, ooh!" Blitzwing smiled at his new acquaintance, "Do jou know zis von?"

_Primus no…_

"Down by ze baaay!" he started.

"Where the watermelons grooow" Jazz continued.

"Back to my hooome!"

"I dare not gooo!"

BlackArachnia banged her head against the table, and Sentinel quickly followed suit.

"Fooor if I dooo!"

"My mother's goona saaay:"

Blurr took the next line, "Didyoueverseeafishwashingadish?" he piped.

"DOWN BY THE BAY!" They sang together, and burst into laughter

"Okay," Sentinel said lifting his head, "you've had you're fun, can we just go home now?" he all but begged. As he did the three began another verse.

"Take me with you." BlackArachnia demanded, standing up ready to unlock his cuffs and run away.

"Zis is fun ve should catch jou more often." The triple-Changer giggled, 'Eh jou two, vere are jou going?"

"Away from you Freaks." Sentinel answered.

"Hey!" Jazz argued, "You can't go, we still don't know the connection between you!"

Blitzwing looked between them as they both told Jazz that it didn't matter, and his face broke into a grin that was between amusement and evil, and started a different song. "Ze itchy-bitchy Spida, caught a Prime in her veb!" He sang.

"Blitzwing, _don't_." She said with a threat hanging in her voice.

"Ze itchy-bitchy Spida, BIT OFF ZE POOR PRIME'S HEAD!!!" He finished with a cackle.

BlackArachnia cracked her knuckles as Blitzwing started a new verse, "You drove me to this."

"Ze itchy-bitchy Spida-Mmnnfff!!!" he was silenced when BlackArachnia leaped up and shoved her lips on his, effectively shutting him up (and grossing him out), as well as everyone else.

The stunned silence was wonderful as she pulled away from him and turned to the others. "Where were we?" she asked intending to pick up the interrogation once again.

However everyone's jaws had dropped to the floor and rolled out the door (probably on their way to the nearest Casino by now to get free booze). They all blinked stupidly at her until Blitzwing finally got the nerve to speak.

"Tee hee," he giggled tracing his lips (If you can call them lips), and pointing at BlackArachnia, "she kissed me."

Sentinel somehow managed to bust his restraints, locked his hands around Blitzwing's neck and throttled him, despite this however Blitzwing continued to cackle like the happy loon he was. Jazz and Blurr jumped up to try and yank their commander back down.

For a final time, BlackArachnia slapped her hand against her face and shook her head. "I need a High-Grade." She declared and left the boys to work their problems out.

She'd had enough of Blitzwing's madness for one day.

**Author's end note:** OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod!!! Didja guys see the preview for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen during the Super Bowl, Sunday!?! I almost wet my pants from pure awesome…no way am I going to make it five more months…oh the fic? Yeah, just send me your requests by review while I die of _glee_!

**Editor's note: **-_**Is**_ dead from glee, Zaerith has had to resurrect her dear sister's ghost for this- As you can imagine, Blitzwing and BlackArachnia are going to be in _lots _of trouble next chapter for letting this interrogation get out of hand, so in any requests please keep that in mind. No flames, those are for IDW's Fallen. Still no romance though, the kiss in this chapter was merely for fun to get Blitzy to shut the slag up (we were going to have someone else kiss him originally, but we thought Blackie, with her Organic lips would be more effective).


	21. The New Secret Weapon

**Author's note: **Everyone thank **Tugera** for the inspiration of this chapter! Who says your idea has nothing to do with what's going on in the story…

**Warning:** Blitzwing meets his match

**Disclaimer: **I do not own TFA nor do I own any Transformers continuity, though it would be really cool if I did.

Down by the Bay

The new secret weapon

Blitzwing and BlackArachnia were forced to do patrols together as punishment for (1) allowing the interrogation to get out of hand, and (2) leaving the door open so that the prisoners could escape.

---_Blurr, Jazz and Sentinel at the moment_---

They drove side by side, with the commander only slightly ahead of the other two. "That is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to us." The blue Prime muttered more to himself than the others.

"Yeah," Jazz agreed "I think my _favorite_ part was when you started dancing on him."

"AndhereIthoughtyouhadtwoleftfeet!" Blurr piped not bothering to hide his amusement.

"Shaddup." Sentinel growled and slammed his accelerator, though he didn't have to in order to speed up, the sound of it was somehow therapeutic. And it also set out a warning to his companions that he was in no mood for this.

_---Back to BlackArachnia's problems---_

She heaved a heavy sigh, the more she thought back on the interrogation the more she couldn't help but think about how much she missed Sentinel and his lame jokes, for the most part he only _acted_ stupid to help lighten the mood. Like Blitzwing, she realized, but not annoying, just generally trying make his friends smile, but from the looks of things he'd long quit doing that.

"Ehhh Blackie! Vhat jou thinking?" Blitzwing cried happily breaking her thoughts.

"About how to maim you properly." She hissed back.

"Eeek!" the triple-changer shouted, "I thought we had something special!" he cried mocking her about kissing him once again. Word spread fast in the army and just about everyone was coming up with jokes about BlackArachnia and her "kiss of death".

"The only thing special about our relationship Blitzwing," the spider growled, "is that I haven't laid _eggs_ in your fuel tanks yet."

That comment made Blitzwing stop and think for a moment, and BlackArachnia realized with pride that she'd stumped him; for once the jack-o-lantern faced Decepticon had no comeback. There was sweet silence for almost five whole minutes before Blitzwing finally said something.

"Zat's okay; I dun vant to deal vith jour psychotic ex-boyfriend again, anyvay." Blitzwing muttered.

BlackArachnia turned on him instantly, "He's not my ex-boyfriend." She said sternly and turned away again.

_Technically we never broke up, so actually that's true…_

"Funny, I vould not 'ave guessed za- Hey…" He cut off in the middle of a sentence, and checked his scanners, "Eh Blackie? Are jou picking up a strange signal? Caz I am."

BlackArachnia was about to hiss at him about making fun of her when she realized that he was actually taking something seriously. She quickly checked her own scanners, her organic half shortened her range and disabled many of her other functions, but she _was_ picking something up.

"Let's check it out." She commanded.

"Kay," the two of them transformed, a spider and a tank would (supposedly) make less noise than two stomping robots and would be harder to see. "Eh, Blackie?" Blitzwing whispered suddenly.

"What?" she sighed.

The tank rolled up next to her, "Vhen jou two 'ave sparklings, I vant jou ta name you first mutant son aftah me! Ohhaaa haaa ha hawaa!!!" He laughed and sped up, but in her spider mode BlackArachnia was faster than him and she quickly caught him. But rather than bite the triple-changer, she decided it would be better to wait to punish him till he felt calm, sure he'd won, and was least expecting it.

"Keep your mind on the _mission_." She growled instead and crawled off him, continuing ahead.

Blitzwing stayed back a moment thinking. "Admittedly," he said to himself, "zat vas scary…" he rolled after her at a distance as they closed in to the signal's origins and transformed to get a better look.

"What is it?" BlackArachnia asked. Blitzwing just shook his head.

"What is that?" Starscream asked taking a good long look at BlackArachnia and Blitzwing's discovery. "It wears the Decepticon insignia, but it doesn't look familiar."

"I am Soundwave." The blue bot replied monotonously.

"Doesn't look that impressive." Starscream chided stepping away from him.

Megatron however seemed quite impressed by the stranger, "I thought you were off-line." He said.

"Hypothesis erroneous, I still function." Soundwave replied and pulled something off his back, it appeared to be a guitar, "Lazorbeak and I have been tracking Megatron's signal since I recovered from my defeat. I request your forgiveness for my failure, Lord Megatron, and implore that you enlist me into your service." He said lowering to his knees and bowing with respect.

Starscream opened his mouth to say something, probably some quick offensive remark, but Megatron spoke first. "What can you do?" he asked.

"You're not actually considering allowing this malfunction to join us are you!?" Starscream cried, turning to the Decepticon leader "Megatron, you've made some poor decisions in the past, but I honestly think that this one-" he was cut off by the sound of music, loud, haunting, _mesmerizing_, music emitting from Soundwave.

Through the noise, no one heard Professor Sumdac's sudden scream as his robotic lab assistants suddenly dropped what they were doing and left, including the one's he'd shut off due to damage.

As the primitive robots entered the throne room the music ended and they stood awaiting Soundwave's orders. They began to move around, trying to dodge the blue robot's blasts. Most of them did not make it, when only two remained Soundwave turned his music on again, this time a different tune played.

The Decepticons looked on in amazement as the two robots began to reformat, as Soundwave once had when exposed to the Allspark key. The music switched off again, and the two robots glanced around confused, suddenly conscious of more then just programming to assist humans in a lab, or anywhere else.

"Come to me," Soundwave said to the robots, "Frenzy, Rumble, come to me."

They looked up, and came over as commanded, with mischievous grins, looking like siblings up to no good "'Sup boss?" The red one said, "Frenzy reporting!"

"Rumble here!" The blue one added, "Ready for duty, whatever that may be." The brothers giggled and punched each other's fists.

Soundwave turned around, and set his guitar down, it transformed into a metal bird, and rested on his shoulder. He stayed silent, waiting for Megatron's approval.

The on looking Decepticons clapped their hands together, "Not bad," BlackArachnia said, "Not bad at all."

"I like 'im!" Blitzwing piped, applauding vigorously.

Megatron, however, clapped the loudest, and smiled at the Decepticon, "Lord Megatron," Soundwave said, as the clapping died down "I swear my loyalty to you, and only you."

"Us too!" Frenzy chirped, "Well, actually, we take orders from you and Soundwave, so not _only_ you."

"Yeah!" Rumble agreed, "Megatron and Soundwave, no one else, unless ordered by those two to listen.

Lazorbeak emitted a mechanical cry of a bird of prey in agreement as well.

"Welcome to the Decepticons," Megatron said, while Starscream's jaw was still dropped. "I expect you'll fit in nicely here."

"Appreciated my lord." Soundwave replied.

"W-wait." Starscream protested "I still don't think this is such a good idea."

"Silence Starscream!" Lugnut shouted, "Our Mighty and Glorious leader has spoken! Soundwave is one of _us_! Welcome to the Grand Army of the Decepticons, you will take orders directly from our Ostentatious, Magnificent, leader, the Insuperable Megatron!" he ranted using new vocabulary, and being careful to annunciate every capital letter in his statement.

Megatron cringed a bit "I appreciate your loyalty Lugnut, but when I think about it, I find you talking like that really creepy." He admitted

"Our _Great_ and _Glorious _leader; has called me _creepy_!" Lugnut announced to the crowd with pride as if every adjective used by Megatron was a flattering remark (and to Lugnut it probably was).

"Megatron, your greatness…" Soundwave said, "Perhaps now we should start to organize an offense against humankind, and the traitors Autobots who help them." He suggested.

With the lack of emotion in his voice, it truly sounded like advice to Megatron, rather than someone trying to tell him how to do his job. He rather appreciated it.

"Wow, Soundwave," he said with a smirk, "with an attitude like that, you could put Starscream _and_ Lugnut out of business." He raised his voice loud enough for the two aforementioned bots could hear that Megatron would consider replacing them both with Soundwave if the time called for it.

The reaction he got was two loud gasps of shock, horror, and sparkbreak, he had to hold back a chuckle.

At this point Blitzwing decided it was time to start 'breaking in the new guy'. "So Soundvave." he said poking the blue Decepticon's side. "Vhat do ja like to do? Everyone 'as a 'obby, jou know? I like to zing, vnt to 'ear?"

"Blitzwing," Megatron said "leave him alone."

Blitzwing ignored him and continued poking Soundwave. "My favorite song is 'Down by ze Bay', but Megatron von't let me zing zat von anymore. How 'bout jou? Jou dot a favorite song? I could zing it for jou if jou like, come on tell me!" He poked Soundwave faster and harder.

"Desist." Soundwave said simply. He didn't move, he didn't shout he just ignored Blitzwing.

"C'mon!" Blitzwing whined, " 'ow 'bout a dance zen! Cha, cha, cha! Ehhh! Move jour legs, viggle jour vaist, vave jour arms!" he encouraged.

Soundwave did not move his legs, wiggle his waist, or wave his arms, he stood stoic, waiting for Megatron's next order's whether they were to attack or retire. Frenzy and Rumble on the other hand smiled gleefully at Blitzwing's display.

"Hey that looks like fun. Yo boss! Can we dance?" Rumble asked, but before bothering to wait for an answer the brothers started to skip around letting imaginary music sway their steps. As Megatron watched he remembered his DDR game and began to miss it, but refrained himself from showing the two mini-bots how to _really_ dance.

Despite his victory with the brothers Blitzwing was determined to get Soundwave to do something. He tried dancing, and starting a song called "Don't Stop the Music" to persuade the blue Decepticon do try it. When that didn't work, he moved on to just plain singing, which caused some groans among the onlookers, but no moved to stop him. They wanted to see how long Soundwave lasted against Blitzwing. With every song that Blitzwing gave up on, hope rose in them a little more.

"Camp town racers zing zis zong! Do-Dah! Do-Dah! Camp town racers zing ziz zong, oh-di-do-dah-day! Oh-di-do-dah-day! Oh-di-do-dah-day! Camp town racers zing zis zong!

Oh-di-do-dah-day!". No response

BlackArachnia leaned over to Megatron, "I think we may have just found our secret weapon against Blitzwing." She whispered, Megatron smiled in response.

Down by ze baaay! Vere ze vatermelon grooow! Back to my hooome! I dare not gooo! Fooor if I dooo! My leader's goona saaay:" he paused, this was his trump card, if it didn't work…

Soundwave spoke at last, "Desist." He said again, with no more annoyance then the first time, nor any move to hurt Blitzwing.

The triple-changer put his arms down and sighed, turning to face the others, "I take back vhat I said," he told them with a defeated expression, "I _dun_ like zis guy, 'e's no fun…"

The Decepticons applauded Soundwave for his show of patience, Starscream then leaded to Megatron, "And _I_ take back what I said; this one's a keeper."

**Author's end note:** Oh you have _got_ to love Soundwave now! I know I do! I also know that I am cruel and crazy, but you could have guessed that as well, please leave reviews, and remember that this is no longer an arc, what you request doesn't have to have anything to do with this chapter, except Soundwave, as Starscream said, is a keeper.

**Editor's note: **Finally something that can stand up to Blitzwing, LOL. Review or I'll send Soundwave after you, if you flame I'll send Grimlock as well.


	22. Well that didn’t last long…

_First let me apologize for the lateness of this chapter, because I am a good girl who does her homework before anything else and simply did not have time to work on this at all last week and to top it off, fell ill on Thursday anyway. So, yeah, sorry about not updating, I hope you find this chapter worth the wait. ^^_

**Author's note: **Thanks to **tlcoopi7** and **S. Phantom**, your insanity feeds my insanity; together we could rule the world -insert maniacal laughter- Also when, Frenzy and Rumble say things together, I mean _together_, you wouldn't know unless you've witnessed it, but twins speaking in unison is _very_ creepy.

**Warning: **Oh Lugnut not YOU too!

**Disclaimer: **I once asked if I could have the rights to TFA, but Hasbro looked at my account and said it was inappropriate for the age group the show was meant for, and well…who could argue that?

Down by the Bay

Well that didn't last long…

Despite having declared giving up, Blitzwing was still determined to get Soundwave to crack. Easier said then done, but what are you going to do?

Many times Blitzwing tried randomly jumping on him, singing some song that was obnoxious even to his standards, but that clearly wasn't going to do the trick. He tried pranking him, but the other Decepticon chose merely to ignore the childlike behavior. Blitzwing went for Frenzy and Rumble for assistance, but was only shut down.

"Naw, C'mon!" he begged them, "I Zought ve vere friends!"

"Zorry." Frenzy said mimicking his accent, "Ve'd love to help jou out on anyzing, except zis."

"Jah." Rumble agreed, "Zorry Blizving, but ve can't go against Soundvave."

Blitzwing pouted, "Vhat fun are jou two?" he complained.

The twins stuck their glossas out at him, "Lots." They said together.

"If zis didn't involve Soundvave, ve'd be happy to help." Frenzy said.

"But zense it doez, no." Rumble finished.

Once again the two spoke in unison, "Vhy don't you try and get someone else to help?"

Blitzwing opened his mouth to protest that no one else would willingly help him, but then a crazy thought entered his even crazier head. "Zanks!" he shouted taking off.

The two trouble makers left behind, turned and grinned at each other, "So…" The red one said dropping the fake accent. "I get the _Red's_ attention, while you swipe the goods?"

The blue one clapped his hands, "It'll be a piece of cake!"

Blitzwing peaked around the corner, to make sure that he was coming. He turned back and mouthed his lines to himself. Yes, it seemed convincing to him, but would Lugnut believe it? He nodded to himself as footsteps made themselves more audible with each echo, and when they were the right distance away he stepped out into the hall, so that he ran into the bigger Decepticon.

"Ooch!" Blitzwing whined, "Vatch Vhere jou going, vill jou?"

Lugnut took a step, "Sorry, I didn't see you."

Blitzwing looked up, acting as if he'd just noticed it was Lugnut he'd bumped into, "Oh, Lugnut!" He cried, "Goot! I vas jus looking for jou!" he jumped up and patted the other Decepticon's head.

Lugnut moved away from him, "What do you want Blitzwing?" he asked, irritation hung in the shadows of his words.

Since he grinned all the time it was hard for anyone to tell his usual Good-For-Nothing-Grin © from his Up-To-Something-Grin ©. Poor Lugnut was no exception. "Vell, I juz zout jou might vant to know zat I 'eard Soundvave told Megatron zat jour loyalty to 'im iz bogus."

The reaction that got was gold. "WHAT!?!" Lugnut raised his arms into the air and ranted about the glory of Megatron, and how even if he were injured, on the brink of off-lining, he would still be charging blindly forward for his master.

Well that was all good and dandy, but Blitzwing needed Lugnut to be pissed for his plan to work.

"Ja, 'e also told Megatron zat jour pretend loyalty iz jus jour vay of trying to git 'im inta bed." He lied.

"I'd _never_!!!" Lugnut shouted to the heavens, "My loyalty knows no ends, I would do only what Megatron wishes, regardless of my own feelings! Where is Soundwave!?! Someone needs to teach him a lesson!" He roared.

Blitzwing backed away under Lugnut's pre-rampage warm-up, and delicately pointed in the direction of where he had last seen the newest Decepticon. Lugnut pounded his claws against his chest (a la King Kong) and took off. The triple-changer stood back a moment slowly counting to ten, so that he could follow with out looking like he had set this up. Upon reaching the big 1-0, he cackled and ran to see the fun.

"Soundwave!" Lugnut cried, "SOUNDWAVE, WHERE ARE YOU!?!" Blitzwing followed silently in his jet mode, and saw Soundwave before Lugnut did.

"SOUNDWAVE!" the big Decepticon shouted, finally reaching him. The two of them stood only a few yards apart, just outside the base. It had been raining recently, and the ground was covered with fresh, stinky, sticky mud.

"You bellowed?" Soundwave replied, as monotonous as ever.

"Don't get that tone with me!" Lugnut cried, "I know what you're up to, what you've been up to since you arrived!"

Soundwave cocked his head, "Pardon?" he said confusedly.

"You think acting innocent will make me go easy on you? Forget it! You're trying to win Megatron's favor by making _me_ look bad!" Lugnut accused.

The blue Decepticon stood idly while he questioned what the other bot was talking about. "Your assumption: Incorrect." Soundwave said at last, "My objective: To help Megatron and the Decepticons destroy all humans, for all robot kind. Conclusion: You've been deceived by your own jealousy."

"Jealousy?" Lugnut repeated.

"Subject takes, pride in being Megatron's most loyal warrior: You are jealous because Megatron likes me better." He answered with the same monotone that he always did, but if one listened carefully, a tinge of better-than-thou attitude was lining the words.

Which Lugnut picked up on.

Enraged, he wanted to blast the other Decepticon to nothing, but doing that would only get him in trouble with Megatron. Instead he swooped down with his claw scoping up mud, and before either realized what was happening, flung it at Soundwave.

_Splat._

Blitzwing flinched, and grinned, excited about seeing how Soundwave would respond.

The Decepticon in question brought a hand to his face and wiped away the mud covering his visor. He visibly tensed. That was it! Though he didn't act like it, he was already fed up with Blitzwing's constant attempts to bring him down to his level; he was not going to take this kind of attitude from Lugnut now too!

He reached down, and flung mud at Lugnut, getting him across the other's (for lack of better word) beak. The other Decepticon roared with fury and grabbed another claw full of mud, as did Soundwave. Mud was tossed from side to side was they tried to avoid being hit, but also not miss their own mark. It took all of Blitzwing's will not to throw his arms in the air and scream "YES!"

He watched the mud-ball fight, long enough for it to become a mud-wrestling match, and decided it was time to go onto phase two. Holding back a cackle he flew back to the base, into the throne room to tell Megatron what happening.

The Decepticon leader raised an optic ridge at the thought of Soundwave and Lugnut fighting in the mud, much less fighting at all, "I suppose anything can happen." He sighed leaning back.

"Jou aren't going to try and stop zem?" Blitzwing asked.

"What's wrong, oh _mighty_ leader?" Starscream mocked, "Afraid of getting dirty?"

Megatron laughed, "They're fighting over _me_, Starscream." He said, "If I go out there it'll only make things worse, however _you're_ free to go tell them to knock it off. That is, if _you_ aren't afraid of getting dirty." He smirked.

Starscream shifted uncomfortably, "I see your point sir." Megatron chuckled again.

"Tell who to knock what off?" another voice asked.

Blitzwing jumped up excitedly, "Soundvave an' Lugnut are 'aving a mud-fight!" he squealed.

"Oh, _brother_!" BlackArachnia sighed, over the cries of excitement coming from Lockdown, Mixmaster, Scrapper, and Swindle.

"We haven't had anything this exciting happen since the prank war ended!" Mixmaster shouted.

"Maybe _you_ haven't." BlackArachnia muttered crossing her arms.

"I can't believe this; I thought Soundwave never got angry!" Scrapper added.

"Let's check it out!" Swindle offered, "Anyone want to place bets? All donations go to the 'Find-Starscream-A-Friend-Fund'!"

"Forget taking bets!" Lockdown cried, "Who wants in on the action? I call Lugnut's side!"

There was a roar of agreement, and they all took off.

"Well, at least we'll have some peace and quiet for once…" Starscream said after a moment of complete silence.

Megatron stood up, "I'm going to Detroit to find out if that Optimus Prime guy and his Autobots want to play." He said. "I need some fresh air."

Blitzwing turned toward the exit at Megatron's heels, "I'm going to vatch ze fight!" he piped, it wasn't exactly what he had in mind for phase two, but he could compromise.

BlackArachnia, also headed out, "_Boys_." She sighed. "I'm going for a walk."

Starscream was left alone. He looked around and smirked to himself "I'll just keep your seat warm then." He said to Megatron's back, and made himself comfortable on the chair. However after a few minutes of pretending he was Decepticon leader, he found that no matter what he did he _couldn't_ get comfortable in Megatron's throne. "This chair is so big…" he grumbled, and got up, and hurried after the others, "Megatron, wait up! I want to play too!"

BlackArachnia had long discovered the relaxation of a walk in the cool solitary woods. It gave her the private time to think, daydream and plot. She took a deep breath, the fresh air, cleared her mind, droplets of water that clung to the trees dropped slowly around her, adding to the freshness of the atmosphere. This is what she liked about the woods, her organic half belonged here, she felt like no one was staring.

There was a beep in her alert systems. Someone was there. She tensed, ready to fight off anyone who dared disturb her alone time. Movement rustled in the bush, something flashed by, BlackArachnia chased after it, prepared to poison it if necessary. However, when she cornered it, she lowered her defenses at the sight of the quivering stranger, her second discovery in only a matter of days.

"Come out," she said sweetly, "I won't hurt you, I promise."

The figure, glared at her for a moment, she offered out her hand, and he slowly reached over to grasp it, then suddenly the stranger rushed over and circled her, examining the strange organic matter that made up her body. The genuine curiosity made BlackArachnia giggle as he poked her.

She grabbed his hand, and beckoned him to come along, "It's alright, want to come meet the others?" she asked gently.

The figure nodded.

"Alright, come on." She started back towards the base, her discovery kept up with her long strides with several shorter ones. On the trek back one thought repeated in her mind over and over.

_How adorable_.

**Author's end note:** E-cookies if you can guess who BA found, and please do not suggest anything; I know what I'm doing for the next chapter already. Oh, and if you can't guess, there's going to be a mutual enmity between Lugnut and Soundwave for the rest of the fic, so keep that in mind for later chapters.

**Editor's Note: **Apologies if I missed any mistakes, I too am recovering from illness (and exhaustion) so if there are any errors left, blame Pneumonia… (Scratch that last comment we did not actually have pneumonia).


	23. A Maternity Complex

**Author's note:** For all of you who guessed right, congrats, if you couldn't figure it out, your patience will be rewarded, this chapter is going to be cute,^^

**Warning:** Character attachment, and hope returns.

**Disclaimer:** If anyone asks, I own 'em, unless the guys have tags that say they work for Hastak, if _they_ ask, tell them I've already left for Cybertron. Mwha

Down by the Bay

A Maternity Complex

Soundwave and Lugnut continued to glare at each other from across the room. "This isn't over", Lugnut mouthed, Soundwave merely nodded. They completely ignored the subject that they'd be dragged out of the mud for.

"Soooo…" Megatron said, "What did you say your name was?"

The little green bot looked around him, his purple optics twitched, as he memorized the faces of the Decepticons around him, finally looking up at BlackArachnia who gave him a nod of encouragement. "Wasp, they called me, Wasp, Wasp, Wasp, that's the name Sarge gave." He rocked back and forth rubbing his hands as he spoke, "Wasp framed for spying, Wasp sent to prison, escaped Wasp did, now Wasp find Bumble-bot and make Bumble-bot pay."

He didn't say anything out loud, but when Wasp had been invited by the strange organic femme to join the Decepticons, he was not all impressed by the fact that most of them were covered in mud. Aw well, at least the spider-bot and the two Decepticon highest in command looked like they were part of a grand army.

"Hmm-mmm" Megatron looked at BlackArachnia with a raised optic ridge, "Where did you say you found him?"

BlackArachnia held the young bot by the shoulders protectively, "In the woods," she answered, "just a few miles from here."

"And what are we going to do with him?" Starscream asked.

"He was an Autobot recruit sent to prison for a crime he claims he didn't commit." Megatron mused, "I'd suggest that it was a trick, but all that twitching argues otherwise."

BlackArachnia pulled Wasp closer, "Can I keep him?" she asked.

"Absolutely not!" Starscream said, overstepping his rank.

"We're too late Starscream," Megatron said raising his cannon, "She's bonded with him." He explained noticing how Wasp clung to her like a child to its mother.

However the second-in-command made no acknowledgement that Megatron had spoken. "We have no proof that he really is who he claims to be," he continued "we should put him in the brig and check with Shockwa-!"

Megatron had raised his fusion cannon to shut Starscream up for speaking out of line; however the blast that knocked the seeker on his aft did not come from Megatron. The Decepticons all looked at Wasp and the electric pulse that had come from his stingers, one that was much like the kind used by the Autobot pest Bumblebee. The Stinger still zapped with electricity, and Wasp had a smirk at the corners of his lips.

"Wasp no like, loud obnoxious Screamer." He said, "Only Megatron-leader chooses Wasp's fate."

Megatron smiled, and looked down at Starscream, "Well he certainly put you in your place, I like him." He said tauntingly, "Welcome to the Decepticon's Wasp."

The green bot clapped his hands together, and stood up. Starscream, moved into a sitting position, "It seems that every time somebody fires at me, or insults me you like them." He growled at Megatron.

"Dear Starscream, why do you think I like them?" the bigger Decepticon teased.

"Why- I ought- grrr!!!" Starscream folded his arms and turned away from Megatron. "I'm not talking to you!" he declared.

"Yes," Megatron replied "do the universe a favor."

"What's that supposta-" Starscream started turning angrily back the Decepticon overlord.

"Jour talking to 'im!" Blitzwing cackled.

"Frag you!" Starscream shouted at him. Blitzwing merely cackled louder.

"Come on Waspinator," BlackArachnia said, pulling him away and giving him a new nickname "I'll show you around."

"Waspinator?" Wasp said cautiously, "Spider-bot call Wasp, Waspinator?"

"Yes," BlackArachnia turned to the other Decepticons, "And that's _my_ nickname for him! If I ever catch any of _you_ calling him that, I'll eat your processors."

"Vait, vait!" Blitzwing called bounding over to them, "I vant to give 'im a nickname. How 'bout Waspburt?" Wasp growled at him, Blitzwing started pulling different names out of nowhere, none of which the young bot seemed to like.

"You could never lead the Decepticons, you don't have the necessary skills!" Megatron shouted, apparently he and Starscream had gotten into another fight; Lugnut and Soundwave were too busy glaring laser daggers at each other to back Megatron up. BlackArachnia rolled her eyes as Blitzwing gave another ridiculous sounding pet name.

"What skill do you have that I do not?" Starscream protested.

"You don't have optics on the back of your head to keep an eye on the others," Megatron replied, Starscream scoffed, say that neither did he, "Yes, I do. BLITZWING! Don't touch the new guy!" He shouted as Blitzwing reached to clasp Wasp's shoulder without so much as glancing behind him.

_Ka-zapp!_

Blitzwing went flying across the room into the wall. "Only Spider-bot give Wasp nickname." The green bot declared taking a step towards the wall Blitzwing had been blown through by his stingers.

"Told ya." Megatron gloated at Starscream's dropped jaw.

Suddenly a voice spoke out that silenced all of them.

"Curious, zuddenly I 'ave an unexplained headache, and all I see iz black."

And just like that hope was restored.

Heads turned, Swindle rushed over and pulled Blitzwing out of the wall. Instead of they black jack-o-lantern face they'd all grown accustom to, there was a pale-blue visage, with a mouth turned into a confused frown rather than the usual happy-go-lucky grin.

"Blitzwing…Cold…?" Swindle breathed.

The triple-changer pulled his hand away from his throbbing head, and look in surprise at the bot holding him, "Swindle?" he asked.

A cry of relief came among the Decepticons and they gathered around. "Cold," Megatron said placing a hand on his shoulder, "we thought we'd never see you again."

"As did I," Cold replied, "It appearz ze electrical impulses generated, by ze young bot's stingerz created enough energy to force a svitch. Intriguing, nien?" The intelligent personality concluded.

"Ah." The Decepticon's all sighed.

Then suddenly Lockdown shouted "Wasp don't!"

Too late. _Ka-zapp!_

Before their optics, the blue face whirled around, and was back on the black countenance of Random. "Zat felt tingly!" The Jack-o-lantern hooted.

A groan rose among the others.

"Wasp, do that again!" Megatron ordered.

But Wasp shook his head, "Crazy multi-faced-bot suffered enough, Wasp no sting him anymore."

"Why you little-" Megatron growled reaching down for the former Autobot jailbird, "That was an order!"

BlackArachnia suddenly put her arms around Wasp and hissed at Megatron. The Decepticon leader backed away in surprise.

Starscream smirked, "What's the matter now, mighty Megatron? Afraid she might bite?"

"Yes, actually." Megatron told him, "Femmes are very dangerous creatures Starscream; especially the one's who develop maternal bonds. If you ever want to lead anyone, I suggest you learn these things."

Starscream glanced at BlackArachnia and Wasp, he hadn't noticed before like Megatron had, but they indeed looked like a mother and her son. "Oh. I see…"

"Come on Waspinator, lets go see the base, after that we can go for a walk and plot revenge!" the techno-organic said.

"Waspinator want revenge on Bumble-bot!" Wasp said happily skipping beside her.

"You know that is actually sort of cute if you think about it…" Megatron said watching them go.

Starscream nodded, "Almost sickenly so."

**Author's end note:** Kyaa, wasn't that just adorable 3. Yeah, I'm going to be doing a sub-chapter with Cold and Angry next, but please leave your reviews with suggestions for the next chapter.

**Editor's note: **Zaerith needs to find a better time to work on this than Saturday morning, there were enough mistakes in this chapter to make my head explode, (please don't worry though, it just grows right back). Your reviews are what we feed on so no flames unless you want poor Zaerith to choke.


	24. Sub chapter 4

**Author's Note: **I'm sure y'all want to know how Cold and Angry feel about what's been happening over that last couple of chapter, yes?

**Warning: **Cold and Angry almost emo. Light foreshadowing.

**Disclaimer: **Not in this lifetime, I'm afraid, maybe in the next life.

Down by the Bay

Sub-chapter 4

Missing

Cold was forced back into the prison of his mind, locked back up with Angry, but at least he'd gotten some fresh air. Angry very much pissed off that it had been Cold that was switched by the stinger into the outside world. Partly because of his (not so) closet claustrophobia, and partly because-

"Zat stupid random personality of ourz!" He cried throttling the icy personality like it was his fault. "'e vas so happy to see me zat he jumped up and…and..!" he dropped Cold to the floor and turned away in shame, Angry couldn't believe Random's nerve.

"'e kissed jou?" Cold asked after he caught his breath, at this Angry turned on him and kicked him repeatedly in the side. If that wasn't a yes, Cold wasn't sure he wanted to know what Random did.

Never mind.

"Stupid Random! 'e jus planted von on me vith no varning at all, jus shrieked liked a femme and jumped on me!" He complained, "An zen _jou_ came back before I could strangle 'im! And it appearz ve are stuck again!!!" Angry banged his head into the invisible wall.

Cold stared at him a moment. Neither of them moved for about three minutes. Then the intelligent Blitzwing stood up and walked over to the furious one. "Jou didn't realize how much jou missed 'im, until 'e came back, nein?"

Angry nodded. "Stupid, Random!" he said again and punched the wall, then slouched down to the floor.

"Jus as I did not realize how much I missed ze ozers, right?" Cold asked.

Again Angry nodded, "And I miss zem more now zat jou've zeen zem…" he said solemnly, and stretched out onto his back staring up at the ceiling.

The blue-faced Blitzwing turned his back. "Vell at least somezing of value came of zis little incident…" he muttered.

"Vhat?" Angry cried sitting up, "Vhat zing of value are jou talking about!?" He demanded.

"At least ve know now, zat zis can be fixed. Can jou imagine what difference zat vould have made at zat Christmas zing Random liked, or ze prank var, and certainly ve vould not have let 'im get avay vith turning Soundvave and Lugnut against each ozer. If ve could somehow get Vasp to sting us again and get me out, I could probably find a vay to get zings back to-"

Cold had started to pace, he'd turned around, and before the word 'normal', escaped his vocals he found himself tripping over Angry's feet. He tumbled forward and could not regain his balance before he landed, mouth to mouth with the aforementioned personality.

A single squeak emulated from Cold and things were dead silent for a few seconds as neither of them dared to move. Then the was a rumble from the back of Angry's throat, which became a growl, the red-faced personality's face, if at all possible, got redder and Cold leapt off to try and escape, Angry in pursuit.

"How dare jou!?!" Angry shouted in a blind fury, using the echoes of his shouts to locate Cold like a bat to a bug, "Vhat is zis? Everybody kiss Angry day!? Come back here so I can vip jou optics out!!!"

Angry was a fast runner, but Cold was faster, and more enduring, Angry would lose his interest or get tired before he caught his counter part.

Or at least that is what Cold hoped.

**Author's note:** Who agrees? I am made of evil!

**Editor's note: **Yes, I wanted this to be longer too, but I can't help what Zaerith writes… well sometimes I can, but not this time. Leave your reviews and leave nice comments, Zae isn't the only evil one…


	25. Under the Influence

**Author's note: **This has been building up from a pixel Faeryl did on her DeviantArt account, Check it out sometime, "Wasp's Revenge" ~ gigglemeister (There's a joke behind her screen name too, feel free to guess it)

**Warning: **Y'all shoulda seen _this_ one comin'.

**Disclaimer:** A land where I own Transformers Animated only exists in my imagination.

Down by the Bay

Under the Influence

One thing that BlackArachnia had forgotten was that Blitzwing was like a drug. And that her little Waspinator was like a teenager. Despite her warnings that Wasp was "_**Never**_ to talk to him" the little green bot eventually started to get curious.

And, well, you know what they say about cats and curiosity…

Except this time it's a bug and curiosity…

…A wasp specifically.

Whatever…

Actually Blitzwing fascinated Wasp, like that crazy uncle every 'perfect' family is supposed to have, but alas, BlackArachnia had made a rule, and he was not supposed to talk to the triple-changer.

That rule didn't stop Blitzwing however.

"Eyyyyy! Nickname-Pending!" Blitzwing called down the hall to where Wasp was emerging from the lab, inquisitive about the strange human kept there and his primitive robot assistants.

Wasp looked up, then away again, "Wasp not supposed to talk to Blitz-bot." he said, "And don't call Wasp that, only Spider-bot can give Wasp nick name."

The bigger bot strolled over to Wasp's side, "But Zat's ze beauty of it, jou see, I'm not giving you an actually nickname!" He cackled like one of the mad bots Wasp had once been sentenced to prison with.

Wasp turned away from him again, "Wasp still not allowed to talk to Blitz-bot."

"Vhy?" Blitzwing asked catching up again, "Because BlackArachnia told jou not to? Vhy should jou listen to 'er? She 'as no power over jou." He finished trying to sound like he was pointing out a fact.

"Spider-bot found Wasp, and took Wasp in." The former inmate answered, "Wasp owes Spider-bot. Wasp and Spider-bot share a common hatred for Autobot's anyways, we're to get revenge together."

"Vhy?" Blitzwing asked again wrapping an arm around the smaller bot, "Vhy just'er? Can't I help?"

"Blitz-bot can't help Wasp, Wasp wants to ruin Bumble-bot like Bumble-bot ruined Wasp." He replied turning around and ducking under Blitzwing's arm to try and obey the law BlackArachnia had set down for him.

"Bumble-bot?" the Triple-changer repeated, turning around after him, "Jou mean Bumblebee? Oh! I know 'im! I know 'im! I can help jou! I know vhere 'e is!"

This got Wasp's attention, "Blitz-bot knows where to find Bumble-bot!?!" he jumped up and grabbed Blitzwing by his neck, holding his place by keeping his feet on Blitzwing's chassis. "Where!? Where!? Where Bumble-bot!?!"

Blitzwing cackled again, "Ja, ja, I know vhere, Bumblebee is, and I'll take jou to 'im." He promised with a wink, then took an almost-serious face, "But jou can't destroy 'im, alright, zat vouldn't be nearly as fun as vhat I'm about to tell jou…"

Wasp stared at Blitzwing for a few minutes, wanting desperately to tear the Bumbler who had sent him to the stockades into scrap. But slowly he nodded, curious to what the crazy Decepticon meant by 'fun'. Blitzwing leaned forward and whispered gently into Wasp's audio sensors his crazy little plan.

Wasp grinned. Oddly enough he liked that idea.

He liked it very much.

Bumblebee turned a corner. Optimus had them all taking double shifts in patrol ever since the recent thievery in their own base! So far only Prowl had managed to get even a glimpse of two so far unidentified intruders, and now everyone was on high alert. A red one and a blue one.

-- Remember the shot conversation Frenzy and Rumble had in Chapter 22? This is what it was about. ^_~ --

The yellow bot grumbled to himself about boredom, wishing he had at least gotten to take Sari with him for company, but no, his shift was from 9:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. the girl was supposed to be asleep at that time. He grumbled again about not getting to switch shifts with anyone.

Then suddenly he picked up a strange signal. Glad for some action he followed it to an ally where he transformed and held his stingers out defensively.

"Alright, come on out!" He shouted, "If you do I promise to go easy on you!" He smiled a bit and chuckled to himself. He hoped the perpetrator he'd caught decided to fight; he'd been itching to try out some new moves he'd seen on a video game.

His hopes died when a sudden chuckling arose from the silence. He'd recognize that voice anywhere, despite it sounding a little crazier… a lot crazier actually. "Bumble-bot…bumble, bumble, bumbling Bumble-bot!"

"W-Wasp!?!" he gasped looking around in fright, "Wh-where are you? What do you want?" Bumblebee didn't know what he expected, but it certainly wasn't what happened next.

"Wasp want Bumble-bot to pay for RUINING WASP'S LIFE!!!" A projectile came hurtling at Bumblebee; he shrieked and flinched, preparing for the blow to come, unable to get himself to duck.

_SPLAT!_

Bumblebee had braced for pain, not a cold liquid to run down his body. He opened up his optics, wondering what this was.

"A water balloon filled with paint?" he asked. This -_This_- was Wasp's revenge? It wasn't just any paint either, it was the brightest pink conceivable.

A figure jumped down from above him and stood in front of Bumblebee with a smirk, and another balloon filled with the pink paint in his hands, "Is Bumble-bot thirsty for more?"

Bumblebee blinked and smiled uneasily at him, "Errr, no, I think I've learned my lesson…" he replied daring to hope.

Wasp's smirk grew into a grin, "Too bad!" he thrust the other balloon into Bumblebee's face, the yellow bot shrieked, and shivered, Wasp leaned into Bumblebee so that their faces were almost touching, "Meet Wasp here again tomorrow." He whispered, "Wasp will be waiting…"

With that the green bot transformed and drove off, leaving Bumblebee whimpering and pink. A few minutes later he stood up again, filled with a humiliated rage. "Well Wasp if that's how you want to play, then this means war…" he grumbled, and forgetting about his patrol drove off to get supplies and store them for the night to come, completely missing the red and blue thieves as they swiped more of the Autobot's junk.

From where he was watching, it took all Blitzwing had to keep from howling with laughter. Wasp had made him proud tonight. He leaped up and transformed. BlackArachnia may have been treating Wasp like a son, but he was like a teenager, and raising a teenager was like trying to nail Jell-o to a tree.

And you'd better believe that Blitzwing had the necessary experience to make that observation.

**Author's end note: **Blackie's going to be pissed when she finds out about this, and no this isn't going to be an arc like the Prank Wars, just Wasp and Bumblebee are going to be giving each other Hell every couple of chapters till I feel its time to wrap things up with them.

**Editor's note: **And so Zaerith finally paid homage to my "pixel of utter awesomeness", leave your reviews, no flames… I eat flames.


	26. The nono List

**Author's note: **Crazy chapter, very crazy, Faeryl and I get all the credit for this one (Actually for a lot of the recent chapters) because we've been building to this.

**Warning: **Banned

**Disclaimer: **Why can't I own them, I just wanna have fun!

Down By the Bay

The no-no List

BlackArachnia could put up with Blitzwing's behavior; after all she had other things to worry about since her discovery of Wasp, but this, _this_ was the _final_ _straw_

"BLIIIIIIIITZWIIIIIIIIING!!!" The spider's voice rose to a level and tone that would have made Megatron, had he been present, proud.

…Or cringe.

In spider form she scurried from one side of the base to the other in an almost blind fury, carrying her little Waspinator on her back. She could handle singing, she could endure dancing, but she would absolutely _not _tolerate this! The triple changer was just ahead and had barely turned around when she pounced on him.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?!" She demanded, clenching her fangs together dangerously.

"Vhat is ze meaning of vhat?" Blitzwing asked sounding too innocent to be true.

BlackArachnia twitched slightly to signal Wasp to climb off. "This!" She exclaimed transforming and pointing to the former Autobot prisoner, though it was barely recognizable as Wasp.

Wasp looked innocently around, as if not knowing what the commotion was about, humming to himself. The green bot however, was completely tarred and feathered, looking more like a chicken than a robot. Blitzwing glanced from Wasp to BlackArachnia, shrugging his shoulders and claiming that he had no idea what was up.

"Don't you _dare_, Blitzwing! Don't you dare pretend you had nothing to do with this!" She snapped, stomping a high-heeled foot onto his chassis, "It's always you Blitzwing, _always_! Now just tell me before I cut you into pieces and use my webs to string you into a necklace for Megatron!"

Taken aback by the creativity of this threat the triple-changer glanced helplessly at Wasp for help. The smaller bot only rocked back and forth innocently, but Blitzwing could see the thin smirk on his lips though the tar.

"Traitor." Blitzwing mouthed.

From behind BlackArachnia Wasp stuck his glossa out at the mech on the floor.

However, no amount of whining or begging could save Blitzwing from what his new punishment would be.

--

He stood whimpering before all the Decepticons like a man on trial as they passed a piece of paper between them, with Professor Sumdac on Scrapper's shoulder putting out his own suggestions. Blitzwing's lip wobbled, as he strained to hear the tidbits of the proposals, each one worse than the last.

"He's not allowed 50 feet near Waspinator." BlackArachnia scolded above everyone trying to emphasize that's what she wanted.

"Blitzwing isn't going near any of our Oil." Mixmaster added.

"And he's staying out of my lab!" The human insisted.

"I'm sick of the joke's he makes about my chin!" Starscream mumbled rubbing said chin.

"So are all of us, but let's focus on the most important," Megatron growled, "I say no more pranks, last time we got in a civil war, I'm not letting that happen again."

Blitzwing whimpered again and looked at his feet. He was never going to have any fun.

--

Minutes later he stood holding the completed list and read off the items one at a time.

"Zings I am no long allowed to do:" he started with a sigh:

"1. 'Down by ze Bay' iz forbidden.

2. No more Prank vars, pranks zemselves are now forbidden

3. I am not allowed within a 15 foot radius of Vasp

4. I am not allowed to ask BlackArachnia it 'er spidey zenses are tingling

5. I vill not ask Lugnut if e's found 'is self destruct button yet.

6. I vill not encourage Swindle, nor any of the automobile Decepticons, or Blackie, to fly

7. I will not call BlackArachnia 'Blackie'

8. I am not to refer to Vasp as 'Prisoner 24601'

9. I vill not ask Starscream if 'is name implize somezing

10. 'Down by ze Bay' iz _STILL_ forbidden

11. I cannot spin vebz, nor am I allowed to play vith silly string, claiming zey are vebs

12. A swimming pool iz in no vay a goot idea.

13. I am not allowed to ordah pizza

14. Professor Sumdac's lab iz not a playground.

15. I will not invite Autobotz ovah for a hoe-down

16. Stop speaking like Yoda, I vill.

17. During zeir prolonged absence I vill not refer to Cold an' Angry as 'Ze Chilly Academic' an' 'Ze Flurry of Dance'n Flames'.

18. I am to stay a twenty foot radius avay from ze oil as all times

19. 'Papascatatts' iz not a vord, I vill not encourage Rumble an' Frenzy to yooz it.

20. Ze other Decepticons, can and vill add to zis list as time comes to how zey see fit."

He ended with a groan.

The other Decepticons applauded, as the list ended, even the freshly washed Wasp showed his enthusiasm, despite not having any idea what most of it was about. Unfortunately they'd been so preoccupied with Blitzwing's sentence that they failed to notice the intruders stalking around their base.

"In the mines, just like they said…" one of them whispered to the other. "And here I thought Sentinel was just exaggerating."

"If he was, then so were jazz and Blurr." Another replied, "On the count of three alright? One, Two, Three!"

"This is the Autobot Elite Guard! You are all under arrest!"

The Decepticons jumped up ready to fight, they may have been taken by surprise but they were far from unprepared. Megatron bellowed an order to keep the Autobots away from Professor Sumdac and the lab. Starscream took to the air to commanding all the flyers to join him in the aerial counter; BlackArachnia hissed a commanded to the Decepticons on the ground to keep the Autobots busy. For a while a small battle raged with no clear winner, until the leader of the Autobot squad called a retreat.

"They're to powerful! Don't let the prisoner get away, retreat!"

The Elite Guardsmen quickly vanished, but with so little room to maneuver, the Decepticons were not fast enough to catch them. Instead they decided to let them go. Besides, their base was compromised, they had to pack up and leave before the Autobots regrouped.

"We must get everything," Starscream shouted, "Everybody carries something! Frag it! How'd they know we were here!?" he cried angrily.

"Probably the Autobots that BlackArachnia and Blitzwing let escape." Megatron growled glaring at BlackArachnia.

The spider flushed, and quickly tried to find some way to pin the whole thing on Blitzwing, but found nothing to save herself, but she did notice one thing. "Hey," she said looking around, "where _is_ Blitzwing anyway?"

The other Decepticons all paused in their rushing to glance around. The triple changer was no where to be found. The question bounced around the base, the Mixmaster spoke up, "Didn't one of the Autobots say not to let a prisoner escape, or somethin'?"

There was a moment of complete and utter silence as the Decepticons realized what had become of the triple-changer. Simultaneously they all busted up laughing. Blitzwing. They had captured _Blitzwing_. That was about the stupidest thing the Autobots could have done. After about fifteen minutes of gear busting amusement they straightened up, still quietly giggling and turned to Megatron as he started to speak.

"Well…(snicker) we'd better (chuckle)…better get to work on a rescue plan (chortle)…" he opened his mouth to begin an order, but Starscream interrupted.

"Who are we rescuing?" The seeker asked with a smirk, "Blitzwing or the Elite Guard?"

And thus the laughter began yet again.

**Author's end note: **I hope that took Y'all by surprise and I hope you're looking forward to what happens next, I just gotta say, I feel bad for the Elite Guard already ^^.

**Editor's note: **Finally we got to do the No-no list, I'm so thrilled. Leave lots of nice reviews with any suggestions (for a later chapter, the next one's pretty much figured out) and to prove you actually read this note, wish dear Zaerith a happy birthday, our birthday is coming up next Wednesday, and I'd like you all to make it special for her.


	27. Interrogative Irritations

**Author's Note: **Beh? How'd Y'all know it was my birthday? -Reads last week's editor's note- Faeryl you SNEAK! Aw well, thank you everyone who wished us a happy birthday it was quite enjoyable, anyway, I've been looking forward to this part for a while now; I hope after last week you've been looking forward to it to!

**Warning: **The Elite _Who_? -innocent until proven guilty look-

**Disclaimer: **Jazz would have a field day if I owned them, Sentinel would spend the rest of his life in therapy, Ultra Magnus…well if he were a little younger he'd probably have fun, but I think he's getting too old for this.

Down by the Bay

Interrogative Irritations

The other Autobots had noticed that Sentinel Prime was much testier than usually, no one bothered to ask why; they all assumed it had something to do with the half organic Decepticon, Blurr and Jazz had told them of. Indeed this was true, knowing that Elita One had survived the explosion had given Sentinel a _lot_ to think about, especially considering the manner of her survival, and his fear of organics.

If she would accept his explanation of his failure to go back for her, that would still put a damper in their old relationship.

So he was glad that Ultra Magnus had given him the responsibility of interrogating the Decepticon their attack units had captured when they'd invaded the mine the Decepticon's were using as a base on Earth. It gave him something else to think about.

"Alright," he said glancing over the report filed by the Autobots who had brought the prisoner in, "seems that we've got-"

"Eeeeyyy! I remembah jou!" the prisoner squealed over his words.

Sentinel dropped the report and looked at the Decepticon for the first time since he'd been brought in. For a moment there was only stunned silence. Sentinel could not recall this Decepticon's name and stood tensed as their optics locked. "_You_…" He whispered with malice hanging in his voice as he remembered their last encounter. The energon running in his systems boiled, and he refrained himself from beating the slag out of the bot before him.

Blitzwing on the other hand was thrilled to see him, and enthusiastically waved a hello, which made Sentinel's energon boil even more. Blitzwing could not help expressing his joy at being held by the Elite Guard, after all, here he didn't have that list of things he wasn't allowed to do, so he intended to have as much fun as possible before the other Decepticons came after him, which he knew they would.

After all nobody deserves to be left alone with him for too long.

The blue Prime glared at Blitzwing from across the room, his optics narrowing with loathing, he took slow steps forward and finally sat across from Blitzwing, "Let's get something straight here," he growled, venom still clung to his words, rivaling the poison that pulsed though BlackArachnia, "We are _not_ friends, we are enemies, if you act all buddy-buddy, don't expect it to be reciprocal, I'm here to make you talk, not play. I will ask you a question, and you will answer. If you do not answer truthfully, I will know, I am not as dumb as I look or act, understand?"

"No." Blitzwing lied, testing Sentinel's statement.

Apparently the Prime was right about him not being dumb, he was also no fun either "Don't give me that Decepti-scum!" he cried he slamming his fists against the table.

Outside the interrogation room, one mech leaned towards his superior officer, the Autobot leader Ultra Magnus himself, "Since when is Sentinel so serious?" he asked.

Ultra Magnus continued to watch the interrogation, and answered, "There's a lot of things about Sentinel you wouldn't guess, he's not on the Elite Guard for nothing you know." Inside the Decepticon was giving the Elite Guard Commander a hard time about answering questions, and had started to sing, the old Autobot sighed and nodded to his subordinate, "I think we're going to need some cans of oil if we're going to get through this."

The other bot nodded in agreement, "How many?" he asked.

"One for me, you and Sentinel," Ultra Magnus replied, "If things aren't going better when you return I'm going to take over for him."

At this point the Decepticon known as Blitzwing, had stood up and started dancing, and Sentinel was now trying to force him back in his seat. Ultra Magnus sighed; this was going to be one _long_ interrogation.

"Put jour Left foot in, put jour Left foot out, put jour Left foot in and shake it all about~!" Blitzwing sang happily and proceeded to turn around in Sentinel's arms despite the Elite Commander's attempts to hold him still, "Jou do ze Hookie Pookie an' jou turn jourself avound~! Zat's vat its all about~!!!" he clapped.

"The Hookie Pookie is _not_ what it's all about!" Sentinel argued struggling to get the Decepticon into the chair.

"Come on!" Blitzwing giggled, "Sing vit' me!"

"No!"

"PWWEAAAZZ??!"

"No!"

"Down by ze baaay! Vere ze vatermelon grooow! Back to my hooome! I dare not gooo! Fooor it I dooo! My leader's goona saaay:"

The door opened and the younger Autobot entered with the oil, "Here you are sir." he said holding one out for Ultra Magnus. The older bot did not respond, but kept watching as the events had shifted from Sentinel trying to get Blitzwing to shut up and sit down to the Decepticon trying to get the commander to dance and sing.

"Come one now!" Blitzwing crooned, "How about ze bunny hop!"

"Primus no!" Sentinel protested, even as the Decepticon gripped his shoulders and pushed him around.

"Left, left! Right, right! Forvard! Backvard! Hop! Hop! Hop!"

"I think you'd better get in there…" the unnamed generic Autobot scout said. Ultra Magnus didn't move the bot looked at him questioningly, "Sir? Sir?" he set the oil down and tapped him on the shoulder.

Ultra Magnus jumped, "What!? Who?" he turned and saw that the scout had returned and moved a hand up to his antennae, apparently while he had been gone, Ultra Magnus had gotten sick of the singing and turned his audios off, "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice you come in." he apologized and took a can of oil.

"Gah! You stepped on my heel!" Sentinel screamed.

"Vell, zat vouldn't happen if jou vould jus dance, nein?!" Blitzwing explained happily, "Now let's try ze Hoookie Pookie again!"

"Help!" The Prime cried, letting go off his pride, trying desperately to get out of the Decepticon's grasp and make a break for the door, "Get me outta here!"

"Puuuuuut jour riiiiigggght foot in! Puuuuuut jour riiiiigggght foot out! Puuuuuut jour riiiiigggght foot in, an' shaaaaake it all aaaabooooouuuutttt~!!!"

"I'm starting to think taking a prisoner was a bad idea…" The scout said.

"I'm starting to agree with you…" Ultra Magnus agreed.

"Help! Someone! Please get me out of here!"

"Put jour heeeaaad in! Put jour heeeaaad out! Put jour heeeaaad in an' shake it all about!~"

**Author's End note:** Admit it; even if you don't like Sentinel, no one deserves that fate! Speaking of, Somebody, ANYBODY read and review for my fic _Darkness of the Unknown _I've been working hard on it, Just one more review, that's _all_ I ask! -cries-

**Editor's note: **-pats Zaerith comfortingly- yes please do so, but don't forget to review for this as well; otherwise Zae will lose all heart. Also, I'm stuck wearing a stupid arm brace for the next three weeks, which has put me in one _very _sour mood so no flames, lest you feel the wrath of my functioning arm.


	28. The E1337 Guard

**Authors Note: **Okay, last week's chapter was made up on the dot, but this one here has been in reserve, enjoy! BTW I can't update next week because I'm leaving for spring break and won't have a computer with internet all week, so milk this one out as long as possible.

**Warning: **Ultra Magnus is too old for this…

**Disclaimer: **I got no rights, it really bites.

Down by the Bay

The E-1337 Guard

"I'm not going back in there." Sentinel Prime said sternly crossing his arms.

"Oh, stop being stubborn, _you_ volunteered to interrogate him." LongArm Prime countered trying to hide and amused smile.

"That was _before_ I found out who it was!" Sentinel protested, "I'm prepared to defy Ultra Magnus himself if I have to, but I'm _not_ going through that again!"

"That will not be necessary, Sentinel Prime." Ultra Magnus announced as he entered, "I saw what happened, and you have every right to not want to continue…" Sentinel flashed a triumphant grin at LongArm, "-However!" Ultra Magnus continued pointing a finger at the two Primes, "_Somebody _needs to go in there."

LongArm jumped suddenly, "Not me sir! I'm part of the Intel team; I don't know anything about intimidating people." That was a lie of course, but he couldn't risk Blitzwing accidentally blowing his cover. Sentinel knew he was lying and jabbed him in the side with an elbow, "Ow! Sonuva- I mean-uh- I doubt someone of _my_ status would- Ow! I'd probably only encourage this Decepticon's crazine- Ow! Would you cut that out!?" LongArm growled when Sentinel continued to jab him.

"Only when you stop pulling excuses out of your aft." Sentinel promised with his optics narrowing.

"Alright fine! I just don't want to; do _you_ have some sort of plan in mind?" The Decepticon in disguise growled.

"Send in Jazz and Blurr," Sentinel advised Ultra Magnus, "Their good friends, or did I fail to mention that they were helping him sing while me and… the other Decepticon…Well, you know what I mean…" His optics dropped sadly to the floor as he thought about his poor old friend, and her fate that could have been prevented if he'd only been able to go to her aid.

"We didn't capture this Decepticon to make friends," Ultra Magnus told them, "_I_ will be going in, however I expect you to come and watch how to deal with Decepticons like this one." He nodded to Sentinel, who stiffened at the thought of going back to the prison ward, then he turned to LongArm, "You too. You're still on probation for that thing with Jolt, I want somebody to keep and optic on you at all times, preferably someone I can trust to report to me anything and everything you do." he nodded to Sentinel again, the blue Prime's obsession with following the rules had come in quite handy with LongArm's scandal with the young Autobot recruit Jolt.

LongArm went stiff and his optics shifted back and forth uneasily, "How can I _still_ be in trouble for that?" he muttered more to himself then to the other Autobots in the room, "_He_ came on to _me_. It's not like I was making him…"

Ultra Magnus rammed his hammer into the ground to get LongArm's attention, "Come on." He ordered.

The three walked back to the prison ward; and the interrogation room where Blitzwing was locked up. The Decepticon was singing "Home, Home on the Range" to himself inside. Ultra Manus commanded that Sentinel and LongArm watch and take heed of how this worked out, but as he entered the room a few others gathered at the one-way window to watch.

"Hooommme, Hooommme on Ze range! Vere ze deer and ze- Oh hey!" Blitzwing greeted as the Autobot leader sat down across from him, "Jou know, I've nevah undahstood zis song, I mean vhy vould deer an' antelope play? Zey don't live on ze same continent, do ze?"

"Look here, I'm not going to play games with you." Ultra Magnus said in a low voice, folding his hands together.

Blitzwing burst into laughter, "Zat's vhat Sentinel said! Look how zat turned out! LOL!"

Ultra Magnus scooted back a bit, his optics raised in confusion, "LOL?" he repeated.

"Ey, buddy," Blitzwing asked, "Do jou have a map of ze planet, or an Encyclopedia? I vant to see if Deer and Antelope live togezah."

Ultra Magnus shook his head, "What does 'LOL' mean?" he asked quietly, his audience outside could not hear him, which within moments would cause problems.

"Vha- you mean? You don't _know_? LOLOLOLOLOL XD!!!" the Decepticon rammed his head into the table with uncontrollable laughter.

" XD? Hey! Don't make fun of me!" the older Autobot shouted.

The door suddenly opened and in ran Sentinel, Blurr, Jazz, and LongArm, "What's going on in here?" Sentinel asked, coming over to make sure Blitzwing hadn't done anything to hurt his leader.

"I'm not exactly sure…" Ultra Magnus replied as Blitzwing continued to writhe around giggling all the while. Until he looked up.

"Ah, Sentinel!-Oh Primus!-Jou von't believe zis. Ultra Magnus doesn't know vhat _LOL_ means!"

The Elite Guard who had entered bust into laughter leaving their leader feeling as though he had been betrayed, he shouted above their laughter that he didn't know what it meant and that it wasn't funny. This only made them laugh harder.

"OMG!Nowai!" Blurr giggled at high speed.

Even Sentinel had to add in on this, despite his unquestioned loyalty to his leader "ROFL! Orly?"

"Oh, not you guys too…" Ultra Magnus groaned rolling his optic and planting his face in his palm.

"Ah, what a NooB." LongArm chuckled.

"LMAO!" The Elite troops and Blitzwing cried simultaneously, laughing harder. Ultra Magnus groaned again whacked his head against the table.

"Alright STFU y'all." Jazz said over their laughter, and patted his leader's head reassuringly, "Its okay, Ultra Magnus sir, its called '1337', and we still3 U, but srsly get with the times, man!" Again the chorus of chuckles and giggles went up.

The Autobot leader leaned back against his chair, the only one not amused by this. He inhaled deeply and sighed out the only 1337 he knew ":("

**Author's End note: **I think we've got ourselves a common language now, but that's not going to stop Blitzwing, if you _really_ enjoyed this chapter review in 1337, however if you did enjoy but just don't feel like writing in 1337, please put 'Dubious' Somewhere in you're review.

**Editor's Note: **I personally can't stand it when people use 1337, but Zaerith does as Zaerith pleases… oh and this probably isn't necessarybut here are translations for the 1337 impaired:

LOL- Laugh out loud

XD- Laughing hard enough to cry

OMG- Oh my god

No wai- No way

ROFL- Roll on floor laughing

Orly- Oh really?

NooB- (Pronounced New 'B') Newbie

LMAO- Laugh my ass off

STFU- Shut the fuck up

3- Heart or love

Srsly- Seriously

: ( - Pout


	29. Happiness Kills

**Author's note: **Hey Y'all, I'm back from vacation (Yes I had a good time thanks), and I had plenty of time to think this chapter over and I do believe this one will be worth the wait.

**Warning: **Light OOCness, a nod to G1 (We ARE clear on this fic is very much AU, right?) bad things happen when Megatron is happy

**Disclaimer: **You know, if I write well enough maybe they'll start to pay me to do it, but not likely.

Down by the Bay

All was quite for the first time in…as far back as any of them could remember. The Decepticons walked surprisingly silent though the woods, carefully avoiding groups of trees that were huddled too close together. The fresh smell of water lingered in the air, and a light breeze shifted around them.

And Megatron was happy.

None of them had known it to be possible, but there he was up ahead of them, smiling, humming and swaying his hips slightly in a vague dance, reminiscent of his hours on the DDR machine. Starscream sped up to get at the Decepticon leader's side, trying to find a way to mock him for this, but a smile was at his own lips.

Since Blitzwing's capture they'd all been in a rather good mood, even Soundwave and Lugnut appeared to have gotten over the tension between them. BlackArachnia traveled in her spider mode carrying Wasp on her back, talking with Swindle, who was trying to convince her that her little Waspinator needed a double barrel plasma rifle, while she argued that he'd gotten this far without one and didn't need it. Wasp seemed caught between wanting it and being proud that BlackArachnia thought he was strong enough to not need it. Lockdown, Mixmaster and Scrapper brought up the rear and had made a decent conversation; finally Frenzy and Rumble ran around, sometimes leading the group, sometimes lagging behind, with Lazorbeak gliding above them all.

It seemed without Blitzwing their tempers did not flare as easily.

"What I'm saying," Lockdown said, "is that this is the perfect place for a base and we should have moved sooner."

"Hold your horses Bounty-Hunter." Mixmaster said taking a sip out of a can of oil, "We ain't even moved yet, Scrapper an' me still gotta get building!"

"Yeah!" the other construction expert said, "And we need a plan before we get building. Remember, we got a human, and a half organic to shelter too!"

"Don't forget the SUV!" Swindle shouted back to them.

"You don't seriously still have connections with them, do you?" BlackArachnia asked.

"What's SUV?" Her passenger piped, unfortunately like a child trying to talk over two adults he was ignored.

Swindle smiled, "Oh come on, Blackie they were so much help during that whole prank war thing, what if we need them again?"

"Don't call me 'Blackie'!" She snapped, "I don't let Blitzwing call me that, what makes you think you can?"

"I'm not a constant pest?" The one bot black-market offered, "So how about buying a null-ray like the one Starscream has?"

"Oh please!" the spider sighed rolling her eyes, "Forget it, I know why they call you 'Swindle', more than likely it actually IS one of Starscream's null-rays."

"Hey!" Starscream barked, "What about my null-rays?"

"Oh, leave them be Screamer." Megatron hummed, "They're just having intelligent conversation, I know its a new concept for you, but you'll get used to it."

"'Screamer'?" The seeker repeated. He paused for a moment thinking over what Megatron had just said. Somehow the playful tone in Megatron's voice made it seem less like an insult, but he knew better, "Hey, I'm perfectly capable of intelligent conversation!"

"Yes, I'm sure." Megatron said patting Starscream on the head, "but I don't have the patience to wait three minutes for you to reply to everything I say."

"You're awfully cheery." The jet mumbled.

"And why shouldn't I be?" Megatron said lift a hand and waving it to the woods around them, "We have a new location for a better base hidden underwater, it's a beautiful day, the sun is shinning, the grass is a vibrant shade of green, birds are singing and best of all there's no Blitzwing to ruin it~!" He almost sang the last bit.

"Hmmm, I guess…" Starscream agreed, but it was still a little creepy to see Megatron in such a good mood. "Where's the Professor?" he asked noting the human's absence.

"Guarding the location of the base." Megatron joked.

_-Isaac Sumdac at the moment-_

The human was tied to a rock in the middle of lake Eerie, waiting the return of the Decepticons, who were the only ones who knew he was there. The water had risen slightly and his boots were soaked though to his socks. He was a scientist and knew better, but couldn't help but question if there were sharks, or alligators in the water.

But then again, the gulls landing on his rock were also looking at his head like it was a giant donut.

"Nice birdies…" He chuckled uneasily. A few more stopped and landed around him. "Uuummm... Help?"

_-Back to the Decepticons-_

Megatron was humming again, the tune of some song that had been on his game before Lockdown had shot it. There was a sudden rustling ahead that made everyone pause. Out of the bushes a small organic creature called a 'rabbit' jumped out. For a moment the Decepticons stared at it doing nothing.

"I'll get it." Starscream said raising his null-ray to blast it into ashes, but suddenly Megatron reached over and pushed his gun down.

"Leave it be." He ordered.

"What?" Starscream's jaw drop slightly, "You _ARE_ in a good mood." He concluded.

"True, I haven't felt this good in ages." Megatron sighed looking at the rabbit, "Without Blitzwing bugging us on a constant, we're all less tense and that's been keeping us from fighting all the time, and since we're not fighting I'm not angry. So I see things as they are now. Like that creature there, any other day I would have thought of it as insignificant, but now I sorta think it's cute. I mean, look at that face, and the way its ears keep twitching, you know if it were a little bigger I wouldn't mind having one as a pe-"

He was cut off suddenly as there was a shriek and a bird of prey swooped down from the skies and carried off the little rabbit.

All was silent. Not the good silent from before, but a dark and scary silence as all waited in horror for Megatron's response. The air got cold as it seemed the sun itself was trying to hide behind the clouds from the anger that was visibly building up in Megatron. Starscream backed up a step as Megatron turned to face them, his countenance dark with familiar rage at everything. Things were still quiet as he tried to find words to effectively portray his swelling fury.

"I hate the universe." He said simply at last.

**Author's End note:** The way Megatron reacts to the rabbit being carried off y'all should be able to guess that this was not the first time that Megatron's happiness got something cute killed ^^. I have a few more plans for the Elite Guard than this Ark is wrapping up; have fun with it while you can. And the nod to G1, if you didn't catch it was the underwater base, mwhaha ain't I clevah.

**Editior's Note:** Also need to note that it now April, our school is going to be out in just eleven weeks, so I'm sorry to say, but Down By the Bay will be drawing to a steady close before those eleven weeks are up. Don't be disheartened though, there's still plenty more fun to look forward to before we hit the end. Leave your reviews in the usual way: No flames, but a few suggestions are always nice!


	30. Whatever Works

**Author's Note: **Remember way back in chapter…five, I think it was when I had all the cons present sit an hour with Blitzwing? Well _guess_ whose turn it is now…**  
Warning: **Pity, they just are not having much luck are they?

**Disclaimer: **I make people's days, or weeks; however this does not give me the rights to TFA, which is a fragg'in shame, right?

Down By the Bay

Whatever Works

Sentinel _still_ refused to return to the interrogation room, especially after staying around with everyone and trying to question the Decepticon in 1337. Yeah it had been fun for awhile, since he was for once not the one being, made fun of, but it had quickly gotten annoying and then the stupid 'con had to go and bring up a certain female Decepticon he was not quite ready to talk about in front of the other Autobots.

Still he had to feel at least some comfort in the fact that now Ultra Magnus did not blame him for his refusal, and felt more than happy that the Autobot leader was now on his side about this. And his side of the one-way glass as they watched the others fall one by one into the Decepticon's crazy little traps, each grimacing as they noted the exact moment when their fellow Autobot lost it.

**Blurr:**

"Dooown by ze Baaay! Vere ze vatermelon grooow!, Back to my hooome I dare not gooo!"

"StopBlitzwingthat'sseriouslyenoughnow,stopsingingImeanit,I'vejustgotafewfriendlyquestionsIwantyouto…Nodon'tstartanothersong!Blitzwing!Shutup!NoIwon'tjoinyouI'vegotworktobedoingandIdon'thavetimeto…oh_please_Blitzwinganythingbut_this_songI'mbegging!Me!AmemberoftheCybertronianAutobotEilteGuard,YeahokaysoSentinelbeggedandyoudidn'tlistenIsupposeIreallyshouldn'texpectyoutolistentomeeither,butBlitzwingIthoughtwecouldgetthistoworkafterallwehadsomuchfunlasttimewemet,untilyougotkissedbythatother'con,whatwashername?Black,what?Arachnia?Wellthat'scertainlyfitting,shewassortaagiantspider,andifshehasanythingtodowithwhySentinelisafraidoforganicsIguessIdon'tblamehimanymore,butthenagain,whywouldhegetjealousogherkissingyou,I'veneverknownSentineltoactlikethatyouknow…Ohpleasenow'snotthetimetobesinging'theBlueBird'song,hey!AwPrimusthatsongssodepressing!You'regoingtoget_me_started!That'swhatyouwantisn'tit?...Hmm,I'veneverheardthatsongbefore,didyoumakeitup?…,!BLITZWING!SHUUUUUTUUUP!"

At that point Blurr ran out of the room, dive-bombed Jazz and stole his music player to get 'Cabin Fever' from the Muppets Treasure Island out of his head. Blitzwing merely smirked, finding the song honestly perfect. He glanced to the one-way glass wall and eagerly awaited his next victim.

**Jazz:**

To be perfectly honest, it was unclear for whose benefit they took Jazz out of the interrogation room; Jazz's, Blitzwing's, or those who watched. After, like five minutes of happily singing a round of 'Puff the magic Dragon', once Blitzwing hammered the lyrics into Jazz's processor. Jazz was actually able to get Blitzwing to calm down and listen to the questions.

"How many ya Decepticon punks are roll'n here on earth, know?" Jazz asked.

"Rolling?" Blitzwing repeated, "Rolling, rolling, rolling, well not many ov us roll y'know."

"No, I mean how many of you are kicking it here on Earth?" The ninja restated

"Kicking vhat?" The Decepticon cocked his head.

"You guys all dig Earth, or ya'll spread out?"

"Only ze Constructicons dig."

"I think you're missing my meaning B-wing."

"B-vring? Jou're not making any zense."

"What? I'm just saything that Earth's a real…Uh, wait, what _was_ I saying? Primus now I'm confused."

After about twenty minutes of this Jazz was now questioning what his own words meant as Blitzwing made a point of taking everything literally, confusing everybody, until Jazz had to be dragged out kicking and screaming about 'I've almost got it!' and Blitzwing singing the Muppets 'Good-bye song'.

**LongArm**

For reasons questioned later, LongArm was the quickest out of there once he was dragged into it.

"Eyyy! Shocker!" Blitzwing cried excitedly.

LongArm's jaw dropped terribly and he bolted. Later found trying to hotwire one of the shuttles muttering something about, "Stupid Blitzwing, is he _trying _to get me caught?"

**Arcee**

Having once been a teacher, she had patience to spare, and was called in from Cybertron as wishful thinking. She encouraged Blitzwing to sing his spark out. Blitzwing liked Arcee, she looked calmer than she probably was and try as he might, he couldn't annoy her out of interrogating him. So he decided he might as well let her ask a few questions.

"Okay Blitzwing, that's the spirit, now how many Decepticons on Earth right now?" She asked, glancing up from the portable computer she had brought in with her.

"Um, vell ze family keeps growing, at last count I saw…thirteen I zink. Eh! Ve're Ze Orginaization! Oh, I vant to be, ahh, eh, well, I can be Vexen or Axel I guess heat or ice, Angry vould be mad if I didn't choose fire, but I dun vant to disappoint Cold eizah…"

"Thirteen, you say?" Arcee typed something up on her computer and smiled at Blitzwing. "Good, now, are the Decepticons all in the same base of are they spread out across the planet?"

"She'ssodirect…" Blurr gaped.

"And he's giving her straight answers." Jazz gawked

"How is she _doing_ it?" Sentinel gawped.

"I guess she just has a way with children and the young of spark." Ultra Magnus sighed.

"You've been so well behaved Blitzwing, how about a cube of energon?" The pink femme asked picking up one out of a small storage cabinet.

"Oh, Zank you~!"

"Arcee," Ultra Magnus called, "Blitzwing isn't a child you can't reward him for being good."

"Come on Ultra Magnus, you told me to do anything necessary and I've found that force isn't what's necessary." She handed a cube to Blitzwing who drank it like a happy youngling.

"I understand and appreciate that Arcee, but we still need any information we can get from this guy."

"Alright Ultra Mag-" she started, but then her computer flicked and a figure appeared on the screen.

"Arcee?"

"Sideways!" She gasped, "Oh, I'm sorry, I can't talk right now." She said nodding to Blitzwing.

"Sidevays?" The triple-changer jumped up and looked at the computer, and the virus on the screen, "Ey, it is jou!"  
"Pardon?" Sideways asked raising an optic ridge, "Have we met?"

Blitzwing's expression dropped, "Jou don't remember me? I asked jou if jou could teach me how to get on ze computer…"

Sideways got a thoughtful look, then his optics brightened, "Oh yeah! Now I remember you, heh heh, how's that prank war going?" He asked.

"Ve Von!" Blitzwing announce ecstatically, "Zanks to jour advice, Lock and Load didn't evan zee it com'in, jou should have seen zeir faces!" Blitzwing burst into an enthusiastic laugh, while Sideways let out a dark chuckle.

"So how do you know Arcee?" The virus asked.

"I vas captured by ze Elite Guard an' she's interrogating me." The Decepticon replied, "How about jou, how'd you meet?"

"Same way I met you, wrong turn, I was looking at , I found some really neat thing on that site and rather disturbing too, anyway after I got lost I ended up in her computer and she managed to get me talking to her and we've been in the habit of spending hours talking some more."

"You know, its been kind of awkward for me to talk to everyone I knew before I lost my memory," Arcee added, "its really been nice to have a fresh start with someone new."

"An' jou guys get along?" Blitzwing asked.

"She's bored and I'm lonely, it's a good combination." The Virus answered.

"Yeah, I can't do _everything_ I used to, so I don't usually get out much and apparently nobody where he comes from trusts him." The pink femme expanded.

"Arcee!" The door opened and Ultra Magnus walked in. Others followed giving her disbelieving looks.

"Uh oh." She muttered.

"Vhat?" Blitzwing inquired.

"They don't know about Sideways." She explained.

"I thought you told them." He said from the computer screen, "I suppose I should stay and talk to them myself right?"

"No, you go ahead and do what you do, I'll talk to them." Arcee told him.

"See you later then, bye Blitzwing." Sideways nodded and pixeled away into Cyberspace; once again leaving Blitzwing without telling him how to do it.

"Arcee I think you have something you should tell us." Ultra Magnus said.

After Arcee explained that she and Sideways merely talked she was dismissed to chat it up with her friend for a little bit, but in the meantime Ultra Magnus had thought it a good idea to continue with the attempted interrogation.

He asked Sentinel to get the Jets that the Elite Guard had created to try their servos at it. But despite the jets enthusiastic claims that they were prepared, Sentinel insisted that they were not ready yet. In truth, he'd been trying hard over the last thousand Stellar Cycles not to get attached to any of his teammates for fear of losing someone he cared about again, but he could help it, he was fond of the brothers. They weren't his soldiers, they were his boys, and he was not going let them make such a mistake. So Ultra Magnus decided it was time to call in bots that had experience with the Decepticon. That's Right Optimus Prime's team.

…Much to Sentinel's chagrin…

The five robots and the human reviewed the tapes of the previous interrogations, making all involved grimace with shame at their poor performances. The Autobot washouts had to bite their lips to keep from laughing, but eventually they agreed that something wasn't right. It was Prowl, of course, who noticed the problem.

"Why isn't he changing faces?" The cyber Ninja asked.

"He changes _faces_?" Sentinel's jaw dropped slightly, in surprise, clearly confused by what Prowl meant.

"Yeah, he has three faces., that one" Bumblebee picked up pointing to Random's jack-o-lantern face, "a blue one, which I think is the smart one, and a red one which is mean."

The Elite Guard stared at him like he'd just told them Ultra Magnus was really a femme. "None of you have seen him change faces?" Optimus asked. There was a simultaneous and unanimous shake of the head.

"You sure you're not talking about some other 'con?" Jazz suggested.

"Nope, that's the one." Bulk-Head insisted.

"I wonder why he isn't changing…" Ratchet mused aloud.

"Probably because nobody's bugging him enough." Bumblebee said, "Somebody needs to go in there and give him a taste of his own medicine.

"Thanks for volunteering. Good luck." Sentinel said with a cocky smile, but despite the yellow bot's protest, Bumblebee was herded towards the room with the Decepticon, and not just by Sentinel, but by everyone that had thus far been in there, with the exception of Arcee who was still swapping gossip with the virus on her computer.

**Bumblebee**

The yellow bumbler tried everything he could, short annoying gags and hurtful insults, but the triple changer was just not switching to either is blue or red face. So instead Bumblebee asked for a couple of games to play with the Decepticon to see if losing would make any difference. He got the games and played several of them with Blitzwing, making a friend of him, and finally they were sitting across the table from each other playing one of the older Pokémon games with a cable connection on their two gameboys.

"So I noticed you not getting angry or smarty with me." Bumblebee said as he selected a Pokémon from his box to trade with Blitzwing, "Why not?"

Blitzwing didn't answer and for a moment looked sad, "Cold an' Angry are stuck." He said simply.

"'stuck', huh? What's that supposta- Hey what the-!?" Bumblebee suddenly cried looking at the Pokémon Blitzwing had just traded to him. "Did you seriously just give me a Farfetch'd named 'Gonorrhea'?"

"It's a life lesson Autobot," Blitzwing answered with his bright evil grin once again, "Be careful who jou trade vith, jou ight get somezing jou don't vant!" The Decepticon promptly burst into hysterical cackles.

"Bumblebee, come on out, there's nothing more you can do in there." Optimus' voice called from his commlink. "Prowl's thinking of a new theory, best you come out here."

"Gladly." Bumblebee answered, truly happy to get away from this loon.

**Author's end note:** Oh boy was that fun. Okay explanations for the Pokémon thing, that's been a joke my sisters and I have had for a long time, the reasons Bumblebee was put in as the victim was because (1) he and Bulk-Head the only Autobots who would even play the games and (2) Bumblebee is paired with everyone, I'm surprised nobody's done a fic with Bumble getting a STV.

**Editor's note:** Seriously we've seen him with almost everyone: **Bumblebee/Sari, Bumblebee/Bulk-Head, Bumblebee/Prowl, Bumblebee/Optimus, Bumblebee/Blurr, -gasp- Bumblebee/Wasp, Bumblebee/Blitzwing, Bumblebee/Megatron, Bumblebee/Shockwave (LongArm), Bumblebee/Lockdown, Bumblebee/Swindle, Bumblebee/Starscream, Bumblebee/BlackArachnia, Bumblebee/Jet twins, Bumblebee/Arcee (I don't think these two have even met in Animated), Bumblebee/Jazz… and the ever popular Bumblebee/OC **… although I'll admit quite a few of these were in Fan art only. -Faints from lack of oxygen-


	31. If you Love Something set it free

**Author's Note: **I'm glad y'all enjoyed last chapter, and this ark has been really fun, but now I think its time to wrap it up and move on. That's right, bye-bye Elite Guard, we'll miss you, hope to see you again soon ~ ^^

**Warning: **You asked I delivered, Jet boys are in this chapter.**  
Disclaimer: **You hear that noise? That's Primus laughing not only at my fic, but also at my latest attempt to own TFA. Trained chimps: not remotely reliable.

Down By the Bay

If you Love Something set it free

"So that's the Autobot Elite Guard Mother Ship, eh?" Scrapper mused aloud, looking at the spacecraft ahead of them. "Looks like a fixer-upper to me."

"Pardon?" BlackArachnia asked eyes also on the ship. She was still in her spider mod and Wasp clung nervously to her back, unnerved by the thought of capture and being sent back to the stockades.

"Well just looking at it I can see several points of capable entry." The Constructicon replied, "How 'bout you Mix, you see them too, right?"

His fellow nodded, "I also see a couple of spots well in need of wielding and no guards."

"No guards, hmm?" Megatron muttered joining them and giving the ship a quick look over. Spotting a vent on the side of the ship that led inside he tapped Wasp on the shoulder, "Do you think you could crawl in there and-"

'-No." Wasp cut off. He wasn't about to risk his neck if he got caught. Megatron glared at him and opened his mouth to declare it an order not a suggestion, but a hiss from the spider silenced him and he thought better of it.

"There's got to be something else…" Swindle said, "What if we sent in-"

"-Wasp is the only one who will fit that I trust." Megatron interjected.

"Hey!" Frenzy shouted, "Are you forgetting three little bots?"

"Yeah!" Rumble continued, "Frenzy and I are smaller than Wasp, and Lazorbeak too!" The bird robot let out an electronic shriek of agreement

"I think you missed the part about someone I can trust." Megatron replied, "Blitzwing is already in there, you really think I'm callous enough to unleash Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumb, and they're little pet on the Elite Guard too?"

The three made a protest, but Soundwave silenced them, warning that they could be heard. Starscream boasted that there were no guards so they should just go in the front door and take them by surprise. Megatron nodded, agreeing that may their best option.

"Wait!" Lockdown snapped suddenly, "Someone just came out."

"It's just one Autobot!" Starscream snorted, "We can take him!"

"It's never just one Autobot, you idiot." Megatron growled, "There's probably more on the way, and it only takes one to sound the Alarm."

"So we'll do it real quiet-like." Frenzy joked, still a little bitter about not being sent on the mission. The other Decepticons stared at him. "Its from 'Star Wars', you need to start watching human TV."

"I know what Star Wars is," Megatron said, "but now is not the time to be cracking jokes, we need think of a plan." Suddenly BlackArachnia transformed and placed Wasp in Megatron's arms with a grin on her face.

"No need," She said seductively, she recognized the mech now at the entrance, "I know how to handle this guy."

"BlackArachnia, wait!" Megatron snipped.

"Hey Sentinel! What'cha doing?"

The Decepticons all slapped their hands into their faces. "Yes," Megatron sighed, "that certainly takes a master." He growled sarcastically as the techno-organic approached the blue Autobot.

"She's going to get us caught for sure." Starscream groaned.

"So much for stealth." Lockdown muttered.

"Hate to burst you bubbles guys." Swindle observed, "But whatever she's doing its working."

The Mechs stared jaws-slack and numb struck as BlackArachnia beckoned them over. "How do femmes do that?" Starscream whined.

"We just have powers that you mechs could never understand." She smirked patting the Autobot on the head, causing him to squeak nervously, "Right Sentinel?"

"Y-y-y-yeah." He stuttered.

"Naww; s'matter Sentinel?" She the spider asked, "Not happy to see me?"

"W-w-w-w-well, I j-j-j-just…" The Autobot looked nervously at the Decepticons passing by him as the half organic femme who had once been his friend kept an eye on him.

"Say Sentinel," BlackArachnia teased, forgetting about letting him answer her question, "You probably have Blitzwing locked up, right? What are the chances we can get a key from you?"

Stuttering some more Sentinel Prime fumbled a card-key out of apparently nowhere and gave it to BlackArachnia. "T-t-t-tell them you took it from me." He said, BlackArachnia handed it to Megatron, who ushered the other Decepticons inside and began the search for Blitzwing, leaving Sentinel and BlackArachnia alone "We n-never did get to t-ta-talk about w-w-what happened to you… 'fraid of organics…Jazz and everyone, always teasing me." He mumbled almost incoherently

BlackArachnia smiled, "Thanks Sentinel, you were always the best." She said with her usual seductive grace, and as a final touch put her lips against his for a few moments.

Sentinel's optics widened in horror and confusion. When she pulled away BlackArachnia smiled and licked her lips. Sentinel remained silent for a few moments, before:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Inside other Autobots were alerted to something going on. Ultra Magnus called the finest Autobots to the front. Including Optimus and his team, and the battle began. Ultra Magnus's hammer was knocked away from him; Megatron knew that without it Ultra Magnus stood less of a chance against him. The Decepticons were outnumbered again, but this time they weren't the one's taken by surprise, and as the battle continued, the Autobots were in for more surprises.

Fighting to look superior in Megatron's optics, Lugnut and Soundwave made a silent competition out of who could take out the most Autobots. Frenzy, Rumble, and Lazorbeak, made quite the terrific trio, Swindle's high powered weapons and Lockdown's upgrades gave them an advantage. Wasp and Bumblebee fought on a different scale and the two of them vanished in the mix of fighting factions. Starscream showed a new resolve of keeping the respect that Megatron had gotten for him in Blitzwing's absence, and Megatron himself fought both Ultra Magnus and Optimus, sliding around their attacks with elegance earned with hours of playing DDR, making it more like a dance.

The Constructicons hung back a little bit, waiting for Megatron to signal them to take the key and find Blitzwing. "Think maybe we should actually help fight?" The taller of the two asked.

"Nah," the shorter replied, lifting a can of oil to his lips and taking a swig, "We're builder's, not fighters, its better if we just hand back and wait for Megatron's orde-"

A sudden blast knocked the can out of his hand and it splattered against the chassis of his companion.

"Oh, that does it!" They cried together, "Forget Megatron's orders, now it's personal!" Scrapper finished alone and the two of them charged into battle, full fury, hazzuh!

The battle must have lasted about an hour before the Decepticon lord proudly roared, "This isn't over until the fat-bot sings!"

Which Bulk-Head did…with _surprising_ talent.

After a load of impressed applause, a truce was called, the Decepticons smirked, satisfied that they hadn't had a battle this epic since the end of the Prank war.

"What do you Decepticon's want?" Ultra Magnus asked with only a hint of suppressed hostility.

"We just want our triple-changer back." Megatron replied.

The Autobot leader looked as if he were about to jump for joy, however he stood still and thought about how they could turn this to their advantage. "I think we can make a deal here." He said cautiously. "You take Blitzwing, but one of you must stay here."

"Sounds good, I volunteer!" Swindle said raising his arm.

"Good, Swindle, you stay here, Starscream, Lockdown, you two go get Blitzwing, and I'll finish with these negations."

"I think I've had enough Decepticons for one day." Bulk-Head sighed. "I'm beat."

"No no!" Cried a voice the Decepticons did not recognize, "We want more time to show what we can do! Don't we Brother?"

"Yes of course, Brother!" there were two bots in the back who high-fived each other and seemed ready to start dancing with excitement as they waited for a reply.

"Not this time, Jetfire, Jetstorm." Ultra Magnus sighed.

"Awww." They complained, "But Sentinel Prime said we should be practicing every chance we get!"

"This isn't practice." Jazz told them, "But speaking of SP, where is he anyway?"

"I'm here!" Came the reply as Sentinel dashed over carrying BlackArachnia on his shoulders. "What I miss?"

Instead of answering, Ultra Magnus stared at BlackArachnia, "What's this?" he asked nodding to how she rode him like a horse.

"Um…" Sentinel muttered, looking up at the techno-organic on his shoulders. "Well, you see I sorta…I didn't meant to- She bullied me!'

"I threatened to lick him he didn't stop screaming and bring me inside." The spider clarified, "Now, seriously, what happened in here?"

Jetfire and Jetstorm gazed curiously at the femme, and summarized what had transpired in the last hour. "Its too bad Sentinel Prime was not here to see us in action, eh Brother?"

"Yah and too bad we didn't see him in action!" The brothers clasped each other in congratulations.

"Boys!" Sentinel snapped, "Never celebrate a victory, or even a truce until, _after_ the enemy leaves." He scolded, soundling less like a military commander, and more like a father giving his sons advice.

The jet twins nodded their heads embarrassed at their slip. "Yes sir, sorry sir!" they said together.

BlackArachnia laughed, "Aren't you just adorable?" she smiled.

"We are not adorable!" they denied, "We are fierce! Like fire and storm! Like our names!"

"Yeah whatever." Sentinel muttered.

"They are cute." BlackArachnia mumbled low enough that the twins did not hear, but Sentinel could. The Prime suppressed a chuckle.

Elsewhere Frenzy, Rumble, and Lazorbeak had run into an Autobot the other's called 'LongArm Prime'. They looked him over suspiciously. This earned an inquire from the head of intelligence about what they were staring at.

"You don't seem like and Autobot." Frenzy said.

"Have you ever betrayed anyone?" Rumble asked.

LongArm stiffened. These two were new Decepticons, they did not know he was a Decepticon in disguise, but he could not tell them where there were so many witnesses. Instead he decided to just ignore them. This however was a challenge to them, and they pestered him until he finally snapped at them to go bug someone else. This proved to be a bigger challenge.

The two mini-bots stood at knee level and Frenzy looked at his brother with a grin, "You get the right shin I get the left?" He asked. Rumble nodded in agreement, simultaneously they kicked each shin and ran for it, laughing all the while until Soundwave called them over and whispered a quite message to them that made their jaws drop and look back over at LongArm with apologetic optics.

The doors burst open and Blitzwing came bouncing in. "About time." Megatron muttered.

"Jou guys came for me~~~!" Blitzwing sang happily, running around and giving every Decepticon a great big hug… and anyone who didn't take it willingly was chased down and tackled. Megatron slapped his fore head again.

Optimus had been standing with Ultra Magnus and Megatron as the leaders spoke, and now stared at the lunatic Decepticon as he started to dance, trying to get LongArm to join him. Suddenly his view was blocked as a massive black hand moved in front of his face.

"Shut off you optics Prime, you shouldn't have to see this." Megatron sighed.

Without stopping to think about the consequences, Blitzwing burst into song, "Down by ze bay! Vere ze watermelons grow, back to my ho-"

"Blitzwing!" Megatron roared. "That song is on the forbidden list, remember!?"

Blitzwing silenced with a whimper, unfortunately Megatron was loud enough that the Autobots had all heard it. "He has a forbidden list?" Ultra Magnus asked.

Blitzwing looked at Megatron with pleading optics, but Megatron had no guilt and smiled as he pulled the list out and handed it to Ultra Magnus who read it over.

"Could we add a few things here?" The older Autobot offered.

Again Blitzwing silently begged for Megatron to say no, but Megatron gave an approving nod. The Autobots all gathered around and whispered together things that should be on the list, BlackArachnia was still on Sentinel's shoulders and offered her own suggestions too.

After a few moments the circle was broken up and Blitzwing was forced to read off the list that the Elite Guard had prepared. "Ze Elite Guard's additional list for forbidden songs, actions, and/or names:

I am not to refer to any membah of ze Elite Guard as being 'Top Heavy'

L337 iz an annoying internet language, and iz not to be used in "Civilized" conversation.

'Zey'll be Come'n Around Ze Mountain" or any other variations are now forbidden.

I vill not call BlackArachnia 'ze Shelob' from Ze Lord of Ze Rings.

Sonic Ze Hedgehog is a fictional video game character, asking who vould vin if 'e and Blurr decided to race is stupid and annoying.

In conjunction, I vill not make bets on who _vould_ vin.

I vill not act as a Matchmaker from Hell.

I am not a trained physiatrist.

Naming Pokémon aftah sexually transmitted diseases iz neizer funny nor cute.

I vill not make explosion noisez anytime somebody pushez a button.

Weird Al is funny and decent, I vill not ruin 'is for anybody.

Stop asking BlackArachnia if she can speak Atlantian, it vas't funny ze first time itz not funny now.

I vill not refer to Ultra Magnus as 'Ze Mighty Thor'

I vill not start laughing every time Ultra Magnus enters ze room.

Bumper stickers are limited to one sticker per bot, and are not to be put on anyone's aft."

Blitzwing sighed with the loss of more fun now. Though at the last item on the list Optimus had to point out a bumper sticker on Megatron's aft that read, "I heart Autobutt"

"Oh? Is that still there?" Megatron mused aloud glancing over his shoulder, "Optimus be good little Autobot washout and remove that for me."

Hesitantly Optimus complied, after Megatron confirmed that he wouldn't bite.

"Alright Decepticons, transform and Rise up." the Decepticon lord commanded doing so himself.

"Come on Sentinel." BlackArachnia told her ride.

"Hey wait! Where do you think you're taking him?" Ultra Magnus demanded.

"Oh don't worry; we're just going someplace quite. We have a _lot_ to talk about, don't we Sentinel?" The spider replied, as an answer the aforementioned Prime whimpered lightly and gave a reassuring nod to his leader and waited for BlackArachnia to give him directions, "Before we go; where is Waspinator?" BlackArachnia asked glancing around.

"Waspinator?" Sentinel repeated.

Just then a door to another room opened and out piled two bots, one, after a second look was Wasp and the other, must have been Bumblebee.

It took a second look, because Wasp's was decorated with black eye-liner, blush, lipstick, and eye shadow, and Bumblebee was completely mummified in bumper stickers. BlackArachnia promptly exploded with rage "BLIIITZWIIING!!!" The shout made everyone flinch.

The triple changer was hidden behind Megatron and cautiously stuck his head out, "Vhat, I've been here ze whole tiem, I 'ave absolutely nozing to do vith ziz!" He tried to defend himself.

On Sentinel's shoulders the techno organic placed her hands on her hips. "Need I repeat that everything winds back to you eventually? Blitzwing, If Waspinator so much as-"

Her words were cut off as Wasp made an announcement with glowing pride that silenced everyone with complete and utter shock, and not too much of plain out being disturbed.

"Waspinator is a pretty woman."

Silence.

Sentinel turned to Blitzwing with memories of a cadet that had a lot of promise flooding into his mind, "You _monster_! What did you _do_ to him!?!" he cried.

Blitzwing whimpered and turned to Megatron for help, but the Decepticon leader had once again buried his face in his palm and was muttering something about 'biggest embarrassment to date…'

**Author's End Note:** Whoa, that one was fun and dare I say epic. I know a lot of you are having too much fun with this to agree, but its time for me to start wrapping this up, I only have a few weeks left of school and so much time on the computer. That's why the Autobots have been brought in because (SPOILER) they have something to do with Angry and Cold's return. I promise to keep this fic funny till the end, Zae out!

**Editor's Note: **Don't worry about Down by the Bay's inevitable end, we still have a few surprises left over, so keep up your reviews, NO flames, and we have plans for the last couple of chapters, but we may have room to wiggle in a few requests from ya'll so keep up your suggestions.


	32. Sub Chapter 5

**Author's Note: **Okay, this chapter is going to be focused on the after math of the Autobots rather then Blitzwing and his insanity, but remember Autobots can be funny too. -Insert evil cackle-

**Warning: **Poor Bumblebee.

**Disclaimer: **If they offered me a job I'd take it, but nobody offers me jobs.

Down By the Bay

Subchapter 5

Revelations

So with Blitzwing gone from their mists, things got quite _really fast_. Optimus Prime and his team decided to return to their base Prowl, Ratchet and Optimus wanted to discuss the strangeness of Blitzwing's failure to switch personalities, curiosity peaked, a few members of the Elite Guard wanted to come with. Meanwhile Bumblebee wanted somebody to help him remove all the bumper stickers Wasp had slapped onto him, and Bulk-Head wanted to get back to work on his painting.

"You paint _and_ you sing, what else can you do?" Bumblebee asked. So far his face had been cleared, but Bulk-Head was still working on his shoulders.

"I just sorta pick things up," The green Autobot answered, "What about you? Where'd you get all that make-up? And what were you doing with it to begin with?"

"Wasp and I have this thing going on, you see." The yellow-bot lifted his arms so Bulk-Head could reach the one's there. "It's better to be prepared then be caught off guard, right Prowl?" he called.

"Bumblebee, when I gave you that advice I was thinking of being prepared for something a little more than childish pranks." Prowl answered from across the room.

"They aren't just childish pranks!" Bumblebee protested, "It's a war! I can't let Wasp get the best of me!"

Bulk-Head looked up from his work for a moment and opened his mouth as if to say something, but decided against it.

The others choose to ignore this comment and went back to their discussion. "Maybe Blitzwing was just fooling with everyone," Ratchet gripped, "he's a 'con I wouldn't put it past him."

"But then why wouldn't he start changing when the other Decepticons appeared?" Prowl asked.

"And when Bumblebee asked, he said something about being stuck." Optimus said.

"But Optimus Prime, sir!" One of the Jets piped up, "What that mean?"

Optimus shook his head, "I don't know, but he kind of seemed sad about it too."

"But why we care?" the other twin interjected, "He is Decepticon."

"We care because it could be some kind of trick by the Decepticons, to make us believe that they are in trouble." Ultra Magnus said, more to himself then anyone else.

"Or maybe they just got sick of all three of them and got rid of all but one." Bumblebee offered from across the room, "Hey Bulk-Head think you can do this any slower? I'm starting to go stiff."

"If that were true, why would they keep the one that drives everyone insane?" Prowl countered.

"Good point." Bumblebee agreed.

The door suddenly opened and everyone turned to see who had come to join them. Thankfully it was just Sentinel and not a crazy Decepticon looking to turn them into his next plaything. The blue Prime heaved a sigh and flopped down on one of the coaches between Ultra Magnus and Jazz briefly explaining that he'd come as soon as he had found out this was where they were.

"And your talk with that spider-lady?" his leader asked, "How'd it go?"

Sentinel sighed again, "The good news is, I don't think she's mad at me." He turned to Ultra Magnus with a look of self-pity "The bad news is, she's got me whipped."

"…Whipped?" Ultra Magnus repeated.

"Meaning, if she tells him to jump off cliff, he jumps. Right, Sentinel Prime sir?" Jetfire said.

"Something like that…" Sentinel replied sinking further into his seat, "I was a little more worried about her getting me to accidentally -how's the Earth saying go?- 'spill the beans' about some top secret Elite Guard business, but now that you mention it, jumping off a cliff doesn't sound too bad right now."

"Sentinel Prime, don't talk like that. Of course _you_ wouldn't give away any top secret information." Ultra Magnus said putting a hand on Sentinel's shoulder, trying to be reassuring. However, when Sentinel looked up at him Ultra Magnus knew the pompous Prime was not exaggerating. "What are we going to do about this then?" The Autobot leader asked, removing his hand with a sigh.

"Well I _do_ have all that vacation time I never used." Sentinel groaned, ashamed of himself, "I think a few weeks of relaxation will let me clear my head long enough to keep my mouth shut tight."

Jazz put an arm around Sentinel's shoulders, "Sent, with all the vacation time you have saved up, you have a few _years_ of relaxation ahead of you." he joked, that brought a tiny smile to Sentinel's lips.

"Vacation?" The jet twins piped, "We never been on vacation before, can we go too?"

Ultra Magnus looked at Sentinel, silently asking if he'd like company, Sentinel gave an approving nod. "Well then," The old Autobot said standing up, "we should get back to the ship and make arrangements, and I think we all could use a break from Earth" The Elite Guard all stood up nodding, wishing Optimus and his crew good luck, and heading out.

After a few minutes of silence Prowl picked up the conversation about Blitzwing again. "When was the last time any of us saw him change faces?" he asked.

"When was the last time any of us saw _him_?" Ratchet corrected, "As far as the Decepticons go, they've been pretty quite."

"And now I think I know why…" Optimus muttered thinking about the insane Blitzwing personality. "If he really is stuck they must be having a hard time dealing with him at their own base."

"I think the last time I saw the other face was when me and Ratch used our electro magnetic pulse attack on him." Bumblebee shouted.

"Almost done." Bulk-Head muttered pulling another bumper sticker off of Bumblebee's back.

"…" Prowl raised a hand to his chin thoughtfully, "What if that's what caused him to get stuck?"

The Autobots talked a little bit more on this, concluding that may be what the problem was, and if so how to fix it. They formulated a plan to catch Blitzwing, and use Bumblebee and Ratchet's combo attacked on him, Sari piped up that perhaps they could add the power of the key to boost its potential, just in case.

"The problem now is finding the Decepticon base." Optimus said, "After they caught Blitzwing, the Elite Guard regrouped and went back, but the mine was abandoned."

"That's the last one!" Bulk-Head announced, slapping bumblebee gently on the back.

"Really? What's it say?" Bumblebee asked excitedly.

"Same as all the others:" The bigger bot responded, turning away and heading towards his room to paint, "War is Not the Answer"

Bumblebee had made to follow Bulk-Head and see what his friend was painting despite that Bulk-Head asked him not to peek, but the message on the bumper sticker made him stop.

And think.

---

Later that night Bumblebee stood out in an old ally by himself, waiting for Wasp. The air was still and quite. Then finally a noise.

"Buuumbleee-bot!" There was a thump behind him and the little yellow bot turned around, coming face to face with Wasp, who was holding a bucket of a yet-to-be-identified smelly substance.

Wasp took an angry step forward ready to throw what ever it was on Bumblebee, prepared to chase him down if he needed to, but Bumblebee lifted up his hands in surrender.

"Listen Wasp." He said quietly, "I made a mistake in boot camp, we were both tricked, and I should have said this along time ago, but I'm sorry." Bumblebee looked Wasp directly in the optics, his blue ones shining with sincerity and hope of forgiveness. "Do what ever you want to me, I deserve it."

Now in truth, an apology would have settled for Wasp, and it was something he'd wanted to hear for a long time. And now hearing it, Wasp was glad that Bumblebee finally admitted it, and would have accepted it and moved on if it hadn't been for the last sentence tagged at the end of Bumblebee's speech.

A brief moment passed in silence, then Wasp suddenly dunked the whole bucket for what was revealed to be fish eggs on Bumblebee, who cried out in surprise and disgust, making Wasp feel all the more better about dunking him.

"Apology accepted Bumble-bot, but Waspinator not finished with Bumble-bot, not yet." He said stepping away and leaving the yellow Autobot drenched and stinking in the ally.

Pranking had made him feel better after all those stellar cycles in the stockades, who was he to stop a good thing when he had it?

**Author's End note:** Yes Bumblebee actually _thought_! Before the fic is finished I plan to have a lot of loose ends tied up, particularly this one. Oh and before you go, keep Bulk-Head's painting in mind, its going to come up again later.

**Editor's note:** Yep_**, **_there's gonna be a lot of tying up to be done, so for your suggestions over the next couple weeks look through the fic for any "loose ends"__andhelp us come up with funny (but not ridiculous) ways to tie 'em up. Thanksies.


	33. In which the Decepticons Party

**Author's Note: **Glad you all liked that last bit; sorry if some of you were expecting Cold and Angry, but I just had to get that out of the way, and the focus of the fic is Random, so I didn't think having a full chapter on the Autobots would fit the flow. Credit for the inspiration of this chapter goes to… I can't remember who left the review asking for a dancing competition , but hey, you know who you are and thanks for the idea ^^, and somebody asked what Frenzy and Rumble turn into in my fic, well for lack of a better transformation, while at the same time following the pattern they're guitars as well.

**Warning:** Dancing and Drunk Decepticons

**Disclaimer: **Hasbro doesn't hire people on how funny their fics are (Unfortunately), so I can't claim to own them.

Down By the Bay

In which the Decepticons Party

The music was way too loud. They were all thinking it. But nobody was complaining, they were having too much fun at the moment. It was quite amazing how quickly the Constructicons had managed to make a workable base under water with the help of all of them doing their share of the building, true they were still working on it, but at least it was a functional environment.

The only thing that was missing was Professor Isaac Sumdac, the human had been found by people on boats and rescued by the time the Decepticons had arrived, but aw well, they had everything they needed from the human, and should they need his reverse engineering skills again, they knew where to find him. Its not like Sumdac tower was going anywhere.

The thought passed though their minds however that he would tell the Autobots where their new base was located, however all worries where dismissed with thoughts of their security. Nobody of Cybertronian origin would be able to come within a twenty mile radius without being detected, at which the Decepticons could take cover in hidden chambers and wait to ambush those who dared try and attack them.

So for now, they were celebrating. Thus far Blitzwing had been behaving himself, and Swindle had returned, in time to help with the construction, perhaps his quick arrival was because the Autobots had gotten the short end of the trade off when the Decepticons had left Swindle with them. The sly one-bot black market was perfectly capable of escaping on his own, that's why he had volunteered to stay behind.

--Elite Guard--

_Flashback_

Ultra Magnus stood outside the prison levels with his face in his palm muttering angrily to himself. Jazz stepped out and shook his head confirming that while they had left for only a few minutes, the Decepticon who had stayed behind in place of Blitzwing had indeed escaped.

Sentinel Prime stood next to his leader with his jaw slacked in shock, "I don't believe this," He shouted crossly, his next words contained a pun that was for the most part unintentional, but a tiny part of him thought the term was both clever and appropriate "We've been _Swindled_!"

_End Flashback_

--Decepticons--

High grade was passed around by the escapist himself, who had swiped it on his way out, and kept in store for this occasion. One thing for sure, Megatron certainly didn't need flashing lights to tell him how to dance anymore. While all the Decepticons could dance to a certain degree, the endless hours that their leader had spent playing DDR had made him unmistakably the best dance in the lot, followed by Soundwave (Though Lugnut was making a close one because he wasn't going to let Soundwave up stage him without a fight.) After determining that these two were the best, Blitzwing thought it would be fun to have a contest to determine who were the best dancer and the worst dancer in the group of warriors.

Megatron approved of this idea declared himself the judge and ordered Soundwave to be the DJ. A few of them declined the offer and chose just to watch, Frenzy, Rumble, Lazorbeak, Mixmaster, Scrapper and Swindle were in this group.

The first round was Starscream versus Lugnut, the song Soundwave played for this was' "Reason"- by Cascada. It was a heated battle as both drove to be the best in Megatron's optics, and it would have been a tie but Starscream got a little ahead of himself in the last twenty seconds of the song, the seeker slipped and landed on his aft with a yelp while Lugnut gave a triumphant roar.

As the winner Lugnut took his seat next to Megatron and watched Starscream lose again to BlackArachnia during a song of her choice, "Don't stop the Music"- by Rihanna, Lugnut and the spider then did a battle to see who was better between the two of them to a random song chosen by Soundwave that had no lyrics. At the end of the round the two had scored equally in Megatron's opinion but Lugnut had more 'passion' in his dance. BlackArachnia accepted this defeat and sat to watch Blitzwing lose to Starscream, but beat Lockdown.

Finally the rounds ended with the following score.

Megatron

Soundwave

Lugnut

BlackArachnia

Starscream

Blitzwing

Lockdown

The triple changer begged for rematches wanting to get a higher slot, explaining that he could dance better than that, but Megatron made it very clear that this _wasn't_ "So you Think You can Dance?", he'd gotten bored and wasn't going to judge anymore.

Swindle offered more high-grade to his fellow Decepticons. Drinks came and went. Pretty soon a game of 'I've never" started up.

"I've never flown around in circles aimlessly for no reason." Lugnut said. Megatron, Starscream, and Blitzwing raised their cubes and took a drink.

"I've never flown." BlackArachnia announced and the flying Decepticon shrugged their shoulders since it was a fair statement and took another swallow. "I'm a spider, not a dragonfly." She explained needlessly.

"I've never been sent to prison," Swindle bragged "been real close, but it hasn't happened yet." Everyone else took a sip, Wasp glared at the SUV for reminding him of his unjust arrest. Even he had high-grade; despite how young he was he was still old enough to legally have it, although clearly he was already starting to over-energize and become disorientated.

"I've never kissed an Autobot." Lockdown grinned. Once again everyone else took a sip, but this time he got some funny looks.

"What the frag kind of Decepticon are you?" Starscream muttered, making Lockdown suddenly feel ashamed of himself "Never kissed an Autobot, fah!" He murmured before taking his turn, "I've never tried to fly though a set of closing doors at break neck speed upside down."

Blitzwing jumped up "Foul!" he cried, "No singling people out!" But to the surprise of everyone Megatron took a sip and told Blitzwing to sit down and do the same. Blitzwing stared at him.

"Didn't make it." Megatron explained and pointed to a scar on his back which neither time nor reformatting had healed from when the doors closed shut on him.

Starscream smirked, "He was in the medical bay for cycles." He added smugly.

"I regret nothing." Megatron declared proudly, "I've never had my energon taken away by a bully."

"That's because you were the bully." Starscream mumbled taking a swig of his high-grade.

"Only until I got bored." Megatron countered.

"Yeah, then you started charging others to be their body guard." Starscream snapped

"You're just mad because I wouldn't give you a former victim discount."

"Why I outta--"

"Wasp never been in real war!" The little green bot shouted to keep the argument for escalating into a fight.

Everyone except BlackArachnia, Soundwave and his guitars and Wasp took a sip.

"I've nevah been sane!" Blitzwing shrieked, making everyone drink.

"I've never played this game before." Scrapper said.

"I've never wanted a can of oil so bad in my life." Mixmaster sighed, nobody drank, and he was told to choose a better action. "I've never watched human programming."

Swindle, BlackArachnia, Blitzwing and Megatron all took drinks. The Decepticon leader finished off his cube, set it down, and lifted his hand. He moved his servos apart between the middle and ring fingers, having had a surprising amount of drinks since the beginning of the game and proclaimed rather drunkenly, "Live long and Prosper!"

Most of his warriors had faired worse than him on the drinking; Frenzy and Rumble had fallen asleep in Soundwave's lap while Scraper snoozed gently on Mixmaster's shoulder, and Wasp had passed out next to BlackArachnia, everyone else was disorientated and quite impressed how their leader could do that thing with his servos.

"How'd… how ya do that?" Mixmaster slurred trying to separate his fingers in the Vulcan salute.

"It's easy." Megatron answered demonstrating it again, this time with both hands, impressing everyone further.

"No it's not!" Starscream protested, unable to get his fingers to part like that.

"It is." Soundwave countered holding up his right hand, where he had managed to pull it off.

Mixmaster pouted, he couldn't do it either, BlackArachnia proudly put up both hands in salute, Blitzwing giggled with a drunken sway, managing to do it on his left, Lockdown sulked with Mixmaster and Starscream while Swindle waved his right hand.

Leaving Lugnut to look dejectedly at his own claw-like servos, and glare jealously up at Soundwave as Megatron congratulated his rival, like he was some how blaming the other bot for this. The big bot had never hated the music making machine so much in his life.

Of course Starscream, drunk as he was, found away to turn his failure into an argument, which grew into a fight. As Megatron and Starscream bickered, Lockdown passed out, and Mixmaster fell asleep against Scrapper, making BlackArachnia giggle at how cute they looked, before Blitzwing passed out on top of her, knocking the spider down and out. Soundwave and Lugnut at first encouraged their leader's side of the argument, but then grew into their own over who was more loyal to Megatron. Lugnut let slip what Blitzwing had told him Soundwave had said about him, the very lie that had gotten them fighting to begin with, and after a few minutes the misunderstanding was put aside as they stood up and dragged the exhausted triple changer and dunked his still sleeping body into a garbage shoot for turning them against each other when they could have been powerful allies. After which the two of them passed out in a truce.

This left Swindle, Megatron and Starscream as the only bots who were not asleep.

However, the arms dealer was sick of the arguing and called for it to end. "How's about this…" he murmured drunkenly, "I'll keep the high-grades coming, and you guys drink over it, last 'con standing leads the army."

That was agreed to, but the battle didn't last long and Starscream fell asleep in mid-brag about how he had once out drank a bar full of mechs. Not long afterwards Megatron knocked himself out with a final cube of high-grade.

Swindle gazed at the sleeping Decepticons around him, "I _really_ shouldn't…" he whispered to himself even as he started to pull a pen out from a hidden compartment on his body, "But when will this opportunity come up again?" He smiled and began to doodle on everyone's feet.

**Author's End Note: **No really, don't ask, I think part of this was inspired by the new Star Trek movie coming out, I don't know why but suddenly "Oh my GOD, Megatron's a Trekie!" wouldn't leave my head. Number one thing Zaerith has learned from TV: When in doubt, Star Trek references are the Win.

**Editor's note: **And of course, who can't love drunken Decepticons. Leave suggestions with your reviews and if you've caught any loose ends that need to be tied, let us know Okay?


	34. Attack of the Clones

**Author's note: **This chapter has been in the plans for a while and now's the time to execute it, I think. If any of you are excited about the new movie coming up and haven't seen this yet, this is for Y'all! .com/news/Final_Transformers_Revenge_of_the_Fallen_Trailer_with_HD_Links/4703

**Warning: **This chapter is actually has a lack of Blitzwing in it, but I'm sure you'll love it anyway ^^. Megatron is _almost _impressed by Starscream.

**Disclaimer: **If I had any rights to TFA, I'd have rights to _every_ Transformers continuity, and thus would have seen ROTF already.

Down by the Bay

Attack of the Clones

After the side effects of their party came and went, it was determined that next time they should at _least_ put up a video camera so they could see who did what damage. It was immediately thought that Blitzwing was the one who drew on everyone's feet, but Swindle had a sickening feeling that it wasn't true. Of course he kept this information to himself.

Starscream was a little angry at Megatron, for reasons he did not remember. Like he need reason that he could remember to be mad at Megatron for something anyway, he was always a little mad at Megatron for some reason. And today he would finally destroy him, and take leadership of all the Decepticons!

Megatron sat on his throne, half dozing, trying to concentrate on coming up with a new plan, to either (A) destroy the autobots, (B) Destroy Starscream, (C) Get Lugnut and Soundwave to stop fighting (Apparently they didn't remember the truce they'd made when they were drunk) (E) Get Blitzwing to shut up.

In this state, Starscream thought the former leader of the Decepticons looked pretty helpless.

However, unlike Starscream, Megatron was always completely aware of what was happening around him. Like a predator after a kill, Megatron simply rested, never dropped his guard, and was perfectly ready for Starscream's next plan.

He listened for the footsteps, with his optics off-line and holding perfectly still, he created the illusion of being defenseless, until the last possible moment. He leapt up raising his fusion canon against not one, but six Starscreams. Admittedly Megatron was surprised for a moment, but he quickly hid it, instead narrowing his optics angrily hiding a smirk as well. It was about time Starscream tried this.

He'd also taken the Starscreams by surprise; apparently, all but one of them had really thought he had been recharging. She alone held her place and raised her null-ray when he jumped up; all the others had taken a step back. Megatron had to hold back a smile at the thought that the only smart Starscream had been a femme.

The other Starscreams came back to join their…for lack of better word 'sister'. Except a purple Starscream who still hung back whimpering, while another, a blue one grabbed him and yanked him up to join them.

Finding himself surrounded Megatron had no choice but to play Starscream's game.

"Well, Megatron…" The original Starscream gloated slowly, apparently his little plan hadn't been completely thought out or else he would not be hesitating, Megatron smirked inwardly, Starscream had made enough mistakes on this project already, what was one more? "Quite impressive, aren't they?"

Megatron lowered his fusion canon, "What are they?" he asked cautiously, feigning wonder.

"Clones." Starscream answered, "Of me."

"And quite wonderful I must say." The yellow one cooed, "Brilliant, brilliant~!"

"Is this a good idea?" The cowering purple one sniveled, "Megatron's so big and scary, and powerful."

"Hah! As long as _I'm _in this group there's no what we could lose." The Blue one cried proudly.

"Absolutely!" The white one smiled, "No way at all we could lose, we're invincible!"

The female glanced over at the white one with the same look Megatron often gave the original Starscream. The Decepticon leader smiled at her, she gave a nod in his direction understanding immediately that the smile was a silent compliment along the lines of "I wish the real Starscream was more like you."

"Let me introduce you to your fate:" Starscream announced and pointed to one of his clones, but before he could open his mouth to give the bot's name the yellow Starscream gave an eloquent bow.

"Call me Sunstorm, oh Mighty Megatron! And let me just tell you that it has been quite the _honor_ to be part of your demise!"

Starscream and his female clone slapped their palms against their foreheads, as other clones started introducing themselves at once.

"SHUT UP!" The femmescream shouted at her brothers and turned back to Megatron. "I'm Overlord." She told him "Each of us clones are representative of parts of Starscream's personality." She said.

"Let me guess," Megatron stated pointing over at the yellow clone, "he's Starscream's suck-up, personality, right?"

Overlord nodded, and pointed at another one of her brothers, "That's Thundercracker, and behind him is Skywarp."

"Starscream's ego and the sniveling wuss?" Megatron guessed.

"Bingo." She answered, "And that's Ramjet, he's the liar."

"Hmm, I get all the others," The Decepticon leader said turning to Overlord, "but not you. Where'd you come from?"

Overlord gave a taunting grin that had nothing but playful respect in it, "Guess." She teased.

"Alright! That's enough!" Starscream shouted, "Remember why we're here? To destroy Megatron! Not make friends with him."

"Oh, mighty Starscream." Sunstorm purred, "How could we _ever_ forget our most _important_ mission! We're ready for your order!"

"Starscream," Megatron called deciding that play time was over, "if you're quite done being impressed with yourself I'd like you to meet…" He clapped his servos together twice and whistled. Out of a hidden room stepped five figures, "My clones." He finished, trying not to laugh at how far each of the Starscreams jaws dropped (with the exception of Overlord) and Skywarp began to cry.

"H-ho-h-how…?" the original seeker stuttered.

One of Megatron's clones, a perfect copy of the original except colored royal blue rather than crimson red, smirked and answered, "You _really_ shouldn't leave your notes out when conducting an experiment, there _are_ those who swear loyalty to Megatron alone."

The original Megatron pointed to his five clones, "After I got hold of your notes, I decided to beat you at your own game. These here are repetitive of _my_ personality, based on Earth's Christian religion's 'seven deadly sins'."

"But there are only five of them." Overlord noted crossing her arms, despite her comment it was clear she was impressed.

"And what a _fine_ five I say!" Sunstorm chirped "Marvelous, marvelous _indeed_!"

"Eh, they're not that cool." Ramjet lied.

"Not as impressive as _me_!" Thundercracker snorted.

"They're going to kill us aren't they?" Skywarp whimpered hiding further behind Thundercracker.

Megatron nodded at Overlord, acknowledging her observation, "Well, I had the Constructicons build a machine to help the process flow quicker, we powered it with an Allspark fragment to make them." He nodded to his clones, "I don't actually have a 'sloth' side so that didn't turn out, and Blitzwing tried to use the machine to recreate Angry and Cold, and he accidentally blew it out."

"So, do these amazing works have names?" Sunstorm asked.

Megatron pointed to the royal blue one who had spoken earlier, "They are actually named after the seven deadly sins, that one is Greed." He pointed to the green clone "Envy, the dark purple one back there is Wrath." The one detailed in orange gave a bow as his name was given, "Pride, and last but not least," he pointed to the last clone who, like Overlord, was female, mostly Black, with but with grey and a wine color detailing "Lust."

The five of them lifted their fusion canons and pointed each of them at a different Starscream. Up until the five Starscream clones all turned on their original, joining the Megatrons' side. The original seeker's jaw dropped at his betrayal, but knew he had no way of escape.

"Ermm…" Starscream murmured raising his hands into the air, "I…Surrender?"

There was quite laughter and suddenly Lust lowered her cannon "Say, this is boring, how 'bout some excitement?" She purred grabbing the aft of one of her fellow clones, "Come on boys, Megatron said once Starscream surrendered we could have some fun!"

Pride laughed and lowered his cannon, "What do you have in mind?" he asked raising his chin high.

"I was thinking of heading on out to Detroit and grabbing me some Autobot aft!' Lust purred licking her lips salaciously.

"Oohhh…" Overlord hummed, "Can I join?"

Lust giggled, "Of course, why don't we _all_ go?" She said transforming and heading towards the exit, "Dibs on the Prime!" Shortly the other Megatrons started to follow, and then the Starscreams.

"Wait!" Their original called after them, "You can't just leave me here!"

"We can if we move fast enough!" Thundercracker shouted back to him.

"Brilliant comeback TC! Absolutely brilliant~!" Sunstorm chuckled

"Wait for me!" Skywarp whined, "I can't go that fast! I might hit something!"

"Don't worry about a thing Starscream, we'll comeback to help you," Ramjet yelled down to his original, "After all, we _love_ you!"

Now alone Megatron still had Starscream at his mercy, "You heard the liar Starscream," He taunted, "tell me, what does it say about you when all your clones hate you?"

The seeker whimpered and he was forced to face the truth, "That I…Hate myself?" he muttered.

Megatron lowered his cannon with a smirk, "I would have said that perhaps you're more pathetic than you realize, but I suppose that's a less humiliating way to put it." he said turning away.

Infuriated Starscream bounded after him, "Yeah!? Well, what's it say about _you_ when all of _your _clones would rather go gang bang a few Autobots than destroy me!?" he countered trying to sound tough, but once again, Megatron was one step ahead of him.

"That I'm a twisted pervert, what else is new?" He responded, "Besides it's not like you clones are any better." He pointed out.

"…" Starscream for once was without a reply.

"We'd better get them back before they start something though, I don't know about you, but I had something a little bit more in mind for my clones than destroying you."

"What's that?" Starscream blinked.

"Think of it this way," Megatron answered, "Haven't you ever needed to be in multiple places at once?"

"Ah, I see. Don't trust that the other Decepticons across the universe can take care of themselves without you?"

"Without _us_." Megatron corrected, "As was just demonstrated, we make a remarkable team when we can get along. I'm thinking you should go with Wrath, he'll straighten you out in no time."

Starscream's jaw dropped, "B-but, who'd going to stay with you, if not me!?"

"Overlord of course." The Decepticon leader smirked, "She's perfect, obviously got your most agreeable traits, besides I'm sure BlackArachnia could use more female company."

Starscream started to whine like a kicked puppy, "B-but _I'm_ the original! You can't get more perfect then _me_!" He protested. Megatron merely laughed and taunted him about getting replaced.

"I can be feminine! Megatron wait! Won't you reconsider!?!"

**Author's end note:** Okay, Starscream _is_ going to stop and think about what he just said, but to write it in the fic now, wouldn't be near as funny. And of course he is actually going to be staying, Overlord's going with Lust. The Autobots are screwed now.

**Editor's note: **As Zaerith stated earlier, this chapter was a long time in coming so I hope ya'll enjoyed that as much as I did. Blitzwing will be returning next chapter so let's hear some good ideas with him in your reviews. Don't flame.


	35. Here come the bribe

**Author's note: **We just saw Star Trek the other day, God it was amazing, we encourage Ya'll to go see it too! In other news, originally this wasn't the chapter I was going to post this week, but my sister advised me otherwise, so this chap was written in a bit of a hurry

**Warning: **Blitzwing should have his own warning label.

**Disclaimer: **I can tell everyone I own TFA, but the lawsuit says otherwise…

Down by the Bay

Here comes the Bribe

"PLEEEZEE SCRAAPAHH!_ PLEEEEZZ_!!!" Blitzwing whined, "MIXMASTER, PLEEEEZEEEE!???"

"For the last time," Mixmaster said taking a swig of oil, "No!"

"We just got finished building one for Megatron," Scrapper expanded, "besides, you're the one who blew it to the surface of the lake. We've done all the work we're going to do, if you want another of the cloning machine-a-ma-jig-things, you're gonna need ta build it yerself."

"But-" The triple changer protested.

"No is _no!_ Here, take the blueprints and get started." Mixmaster growled, shoving the papers they'd scratched the plans onto towards the triple changer… And by scratched, we mean that it was impossible to read.

Blitzwing picked up one of their tools, a hammer like object, and examined it, "But I dun know how ta yooze any ov zese." He complained.

"Come on Blitzwing!" Scrapper cried, "That one's the easiest of the lot. Just hit something with it, go on."

Following the taller Constructicon's directions Blitzwing swung the hammer and whacked Mixmaster in the head with it. Momentarily the shorter of the two was out like a light, and his buddy was chasing Blitzwing across the base just as Megatron normally would have.

After a few minutes, Scrapper gave up and went back to nurse his friend back into consciousness, and before an hour was up, Blitzwing had returned to beg some more. Mixmaster glared at him with an ice pack on his head, though the ice did not actually do anything to help, it made him feel better knowing it was there.

"Pweeze?" Blitzing whined cutely, looking as innocent as possible, "Pweeze?"

The Constructicon sighed, "Blitzwing, we don't even know what _Megatron_ wanted this cloning thing for, hypothetically why should we let _you_ use it?"

"Hypothetically?" Scrapper whispered out of Blitzwing's audio reach.

"I dunno, I heard Starscream use the word with Swindle when he tried to sell him an upgrade that I think he stole from Lockdown." Mixmaster whispered back taking another guzzle of oil.

Meanwhile Blitzwing was considering the question before answering for once. He wanted the machine to try and recreate Angry and Cold, of course, but he doubted the two Constructicons, lazy as they were, would do it for him without some sort of payment, and he had nothing to bride them with.

Then he got an idea.

"Ze, if jou do zis for me," he said mimicking something he had seen BlackArachnia do to another Decepticon once a long time ago, "I'll give jou a kiss!"

Mixmaster promptly spat out the oil in his mouth, Scrapper fell out of his chair and Blitzwing had to force himself not to start cackling.

"What!?" Mixmaster finally coughed out.

"Eh! Just 'cause we won't help you doesn't mean, you get to threaten us, right?" Scrapper huffed indignantly.

Blitzwing leaned forward with a smile, having no idea what Scrapper meant by that, and said, "Buh, zat's not a zreat itz a promise." He grinned making the two Constructicons back away, "If jou help meh I'll kiss jou!"

"No deal!" Scrapper blurted.

"I insist!" Blitzwing cried leaning over the table more into Mixmaster's face, "Here have a zample!"

Before the Constructicon could even think of a defense maneuver the triple changer was planting his lips on him in an awkward kiss that stunned Scrapper as much as it did Mixmaster. Blitzwing was suddenly grabbed by the arm and thrown to the floor.

"I suppose you must be tired of living…" Mixmaster growled giving off an aura of malice that was, once again, normally only associated with Megatron.

Blitzwing had been caught completely off guard and lay stunned on the floor, his optics rolling around the room dizzily, "Primus…?" He giggled light-headedly, "I zee Primus…!"

"What's a Primus?" Mixmaster asked looking at Scrapper in confusion.

The taller Constructicon shrugged, and invited his friend to walk with him, leaving the dazed triple changer behind, "Probably one of his imaginary friends."

**Author's end note: **Yeah I know, unusually short this week, but as I said, I was writing it in a hurry because I'd written a different chapter and had to change it at the last minute. Heh, heh, somebody is going to need to talk to Mix and Scrap about religion. Poor Blitzwing too.

**Editor's note:** I apologize as well, it was my fault she had to change chapters, see, _last _week I promised y'all more Blitzwing, but Zaerith had something else planned, so we both had to cram this together… Hopefully I got all of the mistakes… Anyway, you know the routine, leave a review, no flames, see ya'll next week.


	36. Plans and Paintings

**Author's Note: **I would have posted this as a sub-chapter, but had been giving me trouble with logging in (Something about 'invalid image verification' -rolls eyes-) it's been very irritating ¬.¬. Anyway, this chapter is also nom-Blitzwing centered, and is once again about the Autobots as they try to figure out how they can return Blitzwing to normal and why they should.

**Warning: **Wait, stop. Rewind! When did I start giving this fic an actually plot?

**Disclaimer: **I own neither TFA nor any Transformers continuities, I make people laugh, and that's about it. Sorry Ya'll.

Down by the Bay

Plans and Paintings

"So we've just about figured that if Bumblebee and I use our electro Magnetic pulse, that mayhap fix him. Is that what you're saying?" The medic grumbled as he welded Bulk-Head's arm back on after it had been amputated because of damage it had taken when a building they had been trying to protect collapsed on top of him, thankfully his large mass and Sari's key had spared him greater damage before Ratchet had gotten hold of him.

Optimus nodded, "I think so," he said, "if it doesn't work right away we can boost your power with the key, and maybe that'll fix him."

"Got it. Answer me this then." Ratchet requested with a slight growl, making repairs to his large patient's inner wiring now.

"What?" His young leader asked.

"Why the _slag_ are we gonna try to help him in the _first place_!?" The medic roared as he slammed shut Bulk-Head's inner compartment.

"Hmmnnmuhh?" Bulk-Head muttered coming on-line again.

"Hey!" Ratchet said, noticing that his friend had awoken before his repairs were finished, "No one said you could come back yet!" He reached for his EMP generator, but found in had been knocked to the floor, and not wanting to waste time bending over to pick it up, simply hit Bulk-head in the head with wrench, Optimus gave him a funny look once Bulk-Head was out. "What? He won't feel even that when I'm done."

Optimus opened his mouth as if to say something, but the syringe in the medic's hand made him think better of it and instead thought to answer Ratchet about the question concerning Blitzwing. "We aren't doing this to help Blitzwing…" He said and paused to figure out what he needed to say to make his meaning clear, "That crazy personality of his, is possibly the most dangerous of the three of them, since he can use both of his other personalities powers and both their alt-modes, if he stays 'stuck' as he claims to be, he could become a real threat, I mean he was only captive of the Elite Guard for a few days, and look what he did to them."

"If you ask me, Sentinel Prime has been holding in a whole lot of exasperation, and stress was bound to make him crack sooner or later, Blitzwing did him a favor by making him not be the only crazy one." The Medic replied.

"True, but what remember Bumblebee? He drives _us_ nuts, and Blitzwing managed to get on his circuits." Prowl cut in as he walked over, "Besides, he must be giving the Decepticons a new meaning of 'hell' over there, perhaps if we can help they'll consider it a favor." It was a stab at a joke, but no one smiled.

"Okay, so we think we can help and we have motive to help." Ratchet mused, "But there's one more problem."

"And that's?" The young Prime inquired.

"Where the _slag_ is their base!?" Ratchet cried angrily.

"I believe I can help you with that." A familiar voice suddenly called making them turn around with surprise.

"Professor Sumdac!" Prowl cried, "Where have you been? What happened?"

"And how'd you know where our base is?" Ratchet growled, after being forced to knock Bulk-Head out with a wrench again.

As an answer to Ratchet's question, Sari popped up at her father's side and held his arm, happy to know things were steadily going back to normal. The Professor quickly explained his capture and his role in what the Decepticons had been planning and his rescue after being left on a rock by the Decepticons when they'd gone after Blitzwing.

"I don't know exactly where the base was planned to be built." He told them, "But I can tell you that it's somewhere close to Lake Eerie."

"Well that narrows down the location to-" Ratchet was going to make a snappy perhaps rude comment when a noise, almost like a shriek, from Bumblebee's room mad the three conscious robots turn to each other. Ratchet nodded to Bulk-Head, he was busy so that left either Optimus or Prowl to go see what was wrong.

With a sigh the two bots each lifted a hand and pounded them lightly in the air three times before putting them forward in a new shape. Optimus put forth paper, and Prowl scissors. The young Prime snapped his finger disappointedly, and sulked lightly as he headed towards the room of their youngest robot while everyone else continued to plan their move.

Meanwhile, it was the arrival of Wasp that had caused Bumblebee to shout. As the yellow bot squirmed and struggled beneath him, his green counterpart held him pinned tight and was trying to glue a number of strange objects to Bumblebee's face. Since Bumblebee had apologized to Wasp, it had become clear that the green former Autobot was now just pranking him for fun, but there was only so much Bumblebee could take just letting him do it, this time he didn't want to be the victim, so he struggled to get away. But to an oblivious onlooker it looked like something a little more NC-17 rated, which unfortunately was what Optimus thought was happening when he opened the door.

The two matching robots stared at Optimus in surprise, and the Prime equally stunned. "Boss-bot, this isn't what it looks like!" Bumblebee protested to the look his leader was giving him.

"Bumblebee what are you…" Optimus started, he paused and shook his head, then waved his hands in a manner of not caring, "…Never mind. After seeing Bulk-Head's latest 'masterpiece' I'm just not going to ask." He turned around and left without another word.

The two bots looked at each other, confused by what the Prime meant, a realization dawned on them and the same thought echoed in their minds. "Wasp doesn't want to…" The green one said shaking his head and standing up.

The yellow one followed and held his arm, "But we're going to." He answered heading towards Bulk-Head's studio and the mysterious taboo painting.

Optimus walked back into the main computer room in time to catch Prowl's plan. Obviously the Decepticons wouldn't be taking any chances this time, so they'd have a better security plan. When they reached a place close enough to the base to be noticed, the Decepticons would arrive to defend their base, and since the Autobots would only be there to see if they could fix Blitzwing they could do so and retreat before the battle became to drastic.

"So all we need now is to decide when we should go." Optimus thought aloud.

"Go where?" a groggy Bulk-Head asked. Ratchet raised his wrench again as if to knock him out again, but the repairs were done so Optimus lifted a hand to tell him no. Bulk-Head was briefed on the plan.

"So now we're trying to-" Ratchet started.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

The screams had come from Bulk-Head's art studio, where a certain painting left anyone who gazed upon it scarred for life. When the screeches subsided Bulk-Head looked up shyly.

"I'm starting to think I should just cover that painting up…" he muttered.

"Cover it up!?!" Ratchet protested, as all the other robots started to shudder as the painting's imaged burned under their optic lenses, Ratchet pointed a finger at the large green bot "Bulk-Head, _burning it_ is what you should do!" He barked.

Bumblebee and Wasp entered the room; matching looks of horror donned their faces, Bumblebee gave Bulk-Head the strangest look imaginable and followed Wasp out of the base. While Bumblebee would come back after a few days, Wasp planned on never setting foot in the Autobot base ever again.

Bulk-Head looked at his fellow Autobots and their disapproving gazes. He thought about the suggestion of burning it Ratchet had made. "But it's my best painting yet…"

The remaining Autobots threw their hands in the air and left the base as well, each shivering at the thought of what Bulk-Head may have had to do to make his painting so realistic.

Suddenly from their main computer came the sound of children shouting. "Hurry he's gaining!" A burgundy haired girl of about eleven cried as she crossed the screen with a blonde spiky haired by and a Mexican boy in tow as they rode passed on a scooter, a bike, and a skateboard.

Close behind them a purple motorcycle with a mysterious silver rider, passed by, giving them a slight salute as he did, "Don't mind us." He said, "Just passing through."

Just as quickly as they had appeared they vanished away again, Bulk-Head turned to Sari, "Wasn't that Arcee's friend?" He asked raising an optic ridge.

"Sounded like it." She answered, "But I never got a good look at him."

Much later, when the Autobots were finally all together again, they stood outside of their base, ready to make their next move.

**Author's End note:** I do actually have something that the painting is of, and no I'm not going to tell you, because its funnier if you _don't_ know what it is^^. No really, even _I'm_ horrified by it, if you feel brave you can go ahead and guess, I tell you if you're in the right ballpark or not, but unless I think you can handle the truth I'm going to keep that information secret. And that last scene is based off an episode of Armada called "Chase", a lot about Sideways is revealed in that episode so if you don't know who I'm talking about, Youtube that episode.

**Editor's Note:** Okay, it's getting close to the end of May, so that means Zaerith and I have less than a month of school left, so, starting with this chapter, things are finally going to start wrapping up for the finale. We're all sorry to see this end, but all good things come to an end eventually, so enjoy this while you can.


	37. The Closing of the Curtains

**Author's note: **Okay I wanted to draw this out as long as possible, and after like thirty something chapters, and summer break coming up, I think its time to call it quits. Trust me, I'm as sad as you, thanks for sticking around and sharing the crack.

**Warning: **Final battle…ish…who wants cupcakes?

**Disclaimer:** In my attempts to own TFA I wrote a fic, the one you are now finishing, sure its funny, but Hasbro still ain't hiring me.

Down By the Bay

The Closing of the Curtains

The security alarm was going off again. The Decepticons had eventually regretted making the range of it so large, they were constantly picking up the signatures of the Dinobot they had come to call 'Swoop', flying between Dinobot island and the mainland. They had no reason to think that this time it was picking up something entirely different.

"Blackarachnia" Megatron shouted over the alarm while waiting for Soundwave to finish disengaging it. "Can't you go up and tell your 'boyfriend' to keep his buddy grounded!?"

The femme glared at him, of course with their base being so close to the Dinobots it had only been a matter of time before the metal lizards had noticed them, more specifically her, and Grimlock was almost always declaring love for his 'Spider-lady' from the beach.

"He's _not_ my boyfriend!" She hissed, "And just so you know, if that Land Before Time reject comes near me again I'm filing a restraining order."

"Whatever!" Megatron countered, "If you tell him to do something he'll do it right?"

"Accept leave me alone, apparently." She muttered.

"Pass the message to him then!" The Decepticon leader ordered.

Blackarachnia rolled her eyes and made for the controls for the bride that would allow her to surface, but something caught her attention. Five signals had been picked up, and were bleeping across the screen. "Megatron!" She called, "I think we have company."

A moment too late. The door was busted down, and five vehicles appeared, Optimus, Ratchet, Prowl, Bumblebee, and Bulk-Head. The door to the ambulance opened and a small human girl climbed out and ran, looking for a place to hide until her friends told her it was time to put their plan into action.

"Intruders!" Megatron shouted, "Decepticons, prepare for attack!"

Across the base the warriors, started to gather as they heard their leader's call. More appeared in the command center surrounding the Autobots.

"Wait!" The young Prime exclaimed, "Were not here to fight! We just want to talk!"

Unfortunately, the Decepticons didn't share that idea, but luckily for the Autobots, not all of them were present, distinctly missing were Soundwave, his instruments, Lockdown, the Constructicons, Wasp, Starscream, and Blitzwing. Leaving only Megatron, Blackarachnia, Lugnut and Swindle. As if the Autobots stood a chance anyway.

Megatron lunged at the Prime, waving his swords masterfully, Optimus barely got his axe out in time to block the attack, Bumblebee and Bulk-head tag-teamed against Swindle, while Prowl was the only one fast enough to keep up with Blackarachnia. Ratchet was left shuttering at Lugnut.

Optimus became aware that Megatron was slowly backing him into the wall, and tried again to make it clear that he only wanted to help them with Blitzwing, but the Decepticon leader did not slow his attacks even when the young leader begged, "I don't want to fight you!"

Purple dots on the computer screen representing more Decepticons inched closer to them on the map displayed. What were they doing so far away? Optimus could only assume they had been searching for Allspark fragments. Or the Autobot's base

One of the purple dots breached the battlefield. Starscream transformed with a smirk and joined the 'fun', followed by Lockdown, who immediately tried to replace Blackarachnia in fighting Prowl.

Bulk-Head left Bumblebee to try and help Ratchet, Swindle decided to leave the yellow bot alone as well when Wasp appeared, tackling his counterpart. The battle stopped abruptly with the arrival of Blitzwing as he transformed out of his Jet mode, and crying out "WHO VANTS TO BE MAH FRIEND!?!"

Megatron and Starscream shook their heads embarrassedly, while the other Decepticons looked away in shame. The Autobots stared at him, and shyly Bumblebee and Bulk-Head raised their hands, hoping that would encourage the triple-change not to join the fight. Blitzwing cackled.

"Let's dance then!" He exclaimed happily, and started to sing.

Megatron pulled out the forbidden list and a pen from nowhere, and using Optimus' head as a writing surface jotted something down, "Blitzwing!" he shouted waving the paper high in the air, "You are not allowed to amalgamate with the enemy!"

Blitzwing looked spark broken as he whimpered, Optimus looked up at Megatron, "Amalgamate?" he repeated his optics sparkled with admiration. "Whoa, what a vocabulary." He muttered.

"Well I wasn't uneducated you know." Megatron stated bopping Optimus lightly on the head with the paper.

Six purple dots suddenly made it to their position on the map, and the door opened letting in Mixmaster, Scrapper, Soundwave and his three instruments. Expecting a battle they were at full speed, and slammed their breaks hard trying not to hit someone. Too late unfortunately, as Mixmaster bumped into Optimus who was knocked into Megatron, who fell backward onto the floor accidentally letting go of the forbidden list as he and the Autobot leader landed in a most interesting position.

At that same moment, Blitzwing had gotten over the new addition to his list and was instead showing off his 'mad fire and ice skillz'. The list floated dangerously towards the flames and as Megatron pulled Optimus' face away from his codpiece shamefully, he looked up in horror as the list went up in smoke.

Megatron leapt up and dashed forward reaching for the burning list with drawn out "Noooooooooo!!!"

Meanwhile Blitzwing leapt up dramatically with an equally drawn out "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!" and proceeded to sing his favorite song.

With their leader in broken shambles, the rest of the Decepticons had lost their will to fight, and for now, let the triple-changer gloat over his victory.

Starscream turned and glared at Optimus, "This is _your_ fault for coming here Auto-Scum!" he shouted raising his Null-ray ready to fire.

Panicked Optimus could only think of one thing to save himself, "Guys NOW!"

Knowing the danger their friend was in, Bumblebee and Ratchet did not question the timing and Sari rushed out from her hiding place. Then she injected her key into Bumblebee's port boosting the strength of his electronic stingers. Together he and Ratchet let loose an electro magnetic pulse aimed, not at Starscream, but Blitzwing.

Taken by surprise, the Decepticons all turned to look as the attack hit the triple-changer. Charged with the power of the Allspark, the pulse had a strange effect on Blitzwing. It made their sparks grow cold with surprise and warm again with hope as three faces started to spin erratically on the head of the insane Decepticon, finally landing on the angry red face.

"Vhat's ze Big Idea, eh!?" Blitzwing Angry shouted with murder in his voice.

The face switched and was replaced by the calm blue demeanor of Blitzwing Cold. "Vhat's zis? Ve're back?"

The face switched again, back to the random one they had all become used to, "Vahhaa Haa ha hee! Zat tickled! Do it again!"

The red face returned, "I vill crush jou two into iron fillings! I'll yooze jou mother boards to make a zoup! I'll frag jour hard drive so bad jou von't know vhat a hard drive even is I'll-!"

Cold took control again, "Nien, vhat evah jou did, it brought us back, an' I am back to normal, I am in jour debt."

"I'll Destroy jou!" The red face yelled.

The blue face returned with a calm, "Nien, I von't," after which a full scale argument erupted between the two personalities.

"JA!"  
"Nien."

"JA!"

"Nien."

Suddenly the face switched yet again to Random, "How about ve all just dance, and zrow zing avound!?!

Blitzwing's face changed to both Angry and Cold one after another with a unanimous "NIEN!!!"

Megatron put his arm around Optimus' shoulders and pulled him away, "I think we'd better leave those three alone for a little bit." He said, "Can I offer you some high-grade? I'm afraid it's the best we've got as thanks for, whatever the pit it was you just did."

"Um…" Optimus looked around at his comrades, who were all still staring at the triple change who was continuing to argue with himself over whether or not to destroy them or not. "Sure…. I guess."

"This way then." The Decepticon leader beckoned.

"Hey! Can we have High-grade too?" Frenzy and Rumble piped excitedly.

Megatron opened his mouth to respond, but Prowl suddenly shouted out "YOU!"

The small robots jumped and glanced at Prowl in surprise and terror. "Uh-oh!" They cried simultaneously. The other Autobots looked at their cyber ninja questioningly.

"Those are the two I saw taking off with our stuff!" Prowl clarified.

Soundwave looked down at his two creations, "Accusation: correct?" he asked monotonously.

The brothers giggled nervously, and it was Wasp who answered the question with another question, "Is that where mini-cons got all the stuff in their room?"

The brothers whimpered, Megatron rolled his optics, "Feh, we'll deal with that later, but for now thanks are in order, we'll have my home-brew."

"Home-brew!?" Blitzwing Angry cried from across the room, forgetting all about his argument with his icy personality, "Ey, I vant some ov Megatron's home-brew!"

He stood up straighter; the face swiveled around to Cold again, who held himself calmly heading towards the door, and began to softly sing his favorite song. Because Blitzwing was Blitzwing after all, no matter which personality was dominate.

"Down by ze Bay, vhere ze vatermelons grow, back to mah home, I dare no go, for if I do, mah leadah's gonna say…"

The Decepticons all turned to Megatron, waiting to see how he reacted before either tearing Blitzwing apart or letting him go. The overlord sighed and shook his head, "Well, at least _this_ one can sing." He admitted.

"Down by ze Bay."

**Author's End note:** Don't you just love happy endings? Well, not me, I live on the philosophy that nothing stays happy for long, but for now this is where it ends. Down by the Bay is over and done with, hope you had fun on the road.

**Editors Note:** Don't listen to her, stay tuned next week for the Epilogue. Please review, no flames, and to every body who's already hit their summer break, have a good one. (Seriously review or I won't let Zaerith post the epilogue)


	38. Never End!

**Author's Note: **Here's the epilogue (One day I swear I will be able to spell that correctly the first time around DX) I promised Ya'll, and many of you still begged for. Enjoy.**  
Warning: **Bits of drinking Cold an' Angry fun, and an ending you will never forget ^^**  
Disclaimer: **In a last desperate attempt to own TFA, I wished upon a star…turns out it _does_ make a difference who you are…Those damn Disney theme songs will be the death of me yet.

Down by the Bay

Never End!

Since Sari was not old enough to enjoy the party legally, nor would she have even drank the oil and high-grade, she was sent home. The plan was a few drinks to celebrate the return of the norm, and then send the Autobots packing. Things didn't _quite_ go as planned as somebody started socializing, and soon everyone was talking to an Autobot, and finding themselves sort of fond of them. Megatron liked the Prime specifically; the bot reminded him a lot of himself when he was younger, up to and including the low alcohol tolerance.

"Prime if you have another one of those you'll drop like a sack of potatoes." He teased taking a cube of high-grade away from the young Autobot leader.

"Fine. I'll just have yours." Optimus replied stealing Megatron's and managing to take one sip before Megatron took it back.

Mixmaster and Scrapper came over with Bulk-Head and Lugnut. "Hey Megatron?" One of the Constructicons asked, "Bulkie here wants us to pose for him in his next painting. Can we?"

Megatron was about to approve when Optimus jumped up, as if he were sober screaming "No! No more posing! We don't want another one of...of…of _those_." He cried in horror, and then seemed to be trying to scratch his optics out.

Bulk-Head seemed embarrassed and disappointed, but he took another sip of the oil that Mixmaster had given him. "Hey this stuff is good." He muttered taking another sip.

"It's Meg's Private blend." Scrapper announced.

"Don't call me that." Megatron protested to the nickname.

"What's in it?" The big green bot asked, looking at the Constructicons.

They looked at each other with blank faces "Dunno." They answered after a while and turned to Megatron. "Hey Boss! What's in this stuff?"

The Decepticon leader had turned back to Optimus trying to coax him out of his horror, but when asked the question he looked up and shook his head with an uneasy smile, "Oh, its tastier if you _don't_ know what I put in it."

Bulk-Head stared at him in confusion as he started to laugh; it was Lugnut who finally offered at least a vague explanation. "Don't bother asking Megatron about his mixed drinks, he always changes the story, I think the only one's who will ever get the truth are the bot's that will come about when our mighty leader decides to settle down and start a family."

"You'd be right." Megatron answered tossing up his high-grade and taking a swig.

Optimus had taken back the cube confiscated from him earlier and had been staring at its empty bottom, but then he looked up at Megatron with drunken curiosity. "You want youngling? I want younglings." The Prime slurred out, "In fact, rather than being a Magnus I've always wanted to know what it would be like to be a mother."

Megatron promptly choked on his drink as he bust into laughter, so did the other Decepticons within audio reach. Bulk-Head's jaw dropped slightly at the randomness of the confession. Bumblebee, Wasp and Blackarachnia turned towards them with their optic ridges raised, while Swindle and Prowl appeared to have made a light conversation, or at least Swindle was trying to convince Prowl to buy something from him, Soundwave and his instruments sat back watching. The deal, if it had made it anyway, would have been put on hold as the two of them stared at the laughing Decepticons.

"Hey…" Megatron looked around suddenly still chuckling. "Where'd Blitzwing run off to?"

Blackarachnia rolled her eyes, "He said he didn't feel too good and left to go somewhere quite."

"Lightweight." Mixmaster sighed.

"He drank the high-grade and the oil at the same time, didn't he?" Starscream mused aloud, from where he was joining Lockdown and Ratchet in a subtle argument, for once taking the Autobot's side. "Didn't we tell him not too?"

"Definitely a lightweight." Scrapper reiterated his buddy's earlier accusation.

But as soon as he said it the door opened and Blitzwing entered, Cold's face was on the floor almost as if embarrassed about something as he approached Megatron. "Ve 'ave a problem." he said looking slowing into his leader's optics.

Megatron chuckled, "What?" Megatron asked with a teasing smile, "Are you stuck on Cold now?"

Blitzwing shook his head, "Vorse I'm afraid." Turning towards the down and giving a clap like he was summoning someone to join them.

"Worse?" Starscream repeated, "How could anything _possibly_ be wor…se…" Starscream trailed off as two figures walked in from the hall.

"I _Still_ dun see vhy, _jou_ got to break ze news to zem!" Angry shouted at Cold as he stomped over.

"Hahha ha ha! Maybe becauz he knew _jou_ vouldn't break it to zem easy!" Random cackled taking three skips to keep up with one of Angry's strides.

Autobots and Decepticons alike stared in complete shock at the sight of three Blitzwings. All in separate bodies, bickering like siblings. Silence waged between them and Lockdown was the first to throw up his arms as if in surrender "That's it," he announced as he headed towards the door. "I'm outta here!" He had trouble keeping up with _one_ Blitzwing, to the pit if he was going to try and handle all three.

Swindle dropped what he was doing and sprinted after him, "Wait for me!" he cried.

Ratchet made his way over to the still drunk Optimus and casually touched the Prime's arm, "I think…uh, its time for us, to, well, return to the base." He said, also trying to get all the Autobots out so they did not have to deal with the Blitzwings.

Optimus was staring at his empty cube again, and slowly raised his gaze to the old medic's optics. "Shaddup." He muttered with a slur, and passed out on to the floor.

"Oooh!" Random cried happily, "I zink zi calls for a zong!"

"No!" The still present and conscious Cybertronians shouted together, including Cold and Angry.

"Down by ze baaay! Vere ze vatermelon grooow! Back to my hooome! I dare not gooo! Fooor it I dooo! My leader's goona saaay:"

"Does it _never_ end?" the Decepticon lord sighed burying his face in his palms again, seemed he was doing that a lot lately.

"Dooown byyy ze baaay, down by ze baaay!"

Never End!

**Author's End Note: **Finished just in time for summer break, hope ya'll have fun and wish the same for me, remember to go see Revenge of the Fallen, and waste your money on Transformers junk. See you in September with the planned sequel fic "Three Times a Charm"!

**Editor's note:** -Is currently off sulking because of her injured arm- Have a great summer Ya'll, glad you enjoyed the fic, please review, no flames, blah blah blah, PUDDING!


End file.
